tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post3438263919012079071..comments2023-11-05T04:23:05.050-08:00Comments on Finding My Way Home: Doesn't Play Well With Others....thailandchanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comBlogger41125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-6871683411272381432007-12-10T18:59:00.000-08:002007-12-10T18:59:00.000-08:00GIDB, I hear you. Really. I do! Celebrations shoul...GIDB, I hear you. Really. I do! Celebrations should come from a place of joy, not coercion. And I agree with the whole selling thing. It's clearly promoted for that reason and peple get sucked in. <BR/><BR/>Roman holiday. Hm. I like it. I like the comparison. <BR/><BR/>The Christmas spirit I feel is mostly from truly Christian friends who are really celebrating the cornerstone of their religious belief. There are some beautiful religious rituals.<BR/><BR/>The rest of it is just tripe. <BR/><BR/>And honestly, I feel the same way about a lot of Thai holidays. <BR/><BR/>Thai people have a habit of celebrating milestones in their neighborhoods... marriages, birthdays, graduations and such. I love that! <BR/><BR/>Stuff that's pushed by the government or for some obvious agenda, I don't like there either.thailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-19913327305890150472007-12-10T16:42:00.000-08:002007-12-10T16:42:00.000-08:00Amen, sister...You're preachin' to the choir!What ...Amen, sister...You're preachin' to the choir!<BR/>What I can't stand about Holiday Time is the PHONINESS.<BR/>You're expected to <I>feeeeeel</I> all this peace and good will that must be anti-culture-law the rest of the year, while globalist corporate moguls get rich off the gift-<B>selling</B> tradition.<BR/>Some statistics indicate more murders and suicides this time of year as well; just another "Roman Holiday"...I really don't celebrate.<BR/>About the only "Christmas spirit" I ever get is from a bottle of spiked eggnog.TheWayfarerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15074292938877766871noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-65643485243461755242007-12-10T12:15:00.000-08:002007-12-10T12:15:00.000-08:00Melissa, I think he was upset because he understan...Melissa, I think he was upset because he understands that it takes a degree of discipline to be a part of a community. He gets on me about those things because in some ways, I'm the adult equivalent of a feral child. That's not to mention a rather strong phobia about group dynamics. I fell down on the discipline. His points are well-taken, but I'm not certain I can become an entirely different person, just because I adopted a new cultural framework. I'm still me.. just in a different setting. He wants to do the best for me, for certain, but we have to manage to do this while allowing me to remain who I am. <BR/><BR/>Did you see Hel's comment? It's a good one. There are things all of us can do and still be ourselves. Sitting under the tree to keep other strays company really does make a lot of sense.thailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-67122529201978996532007-12-10T12:01:00.000-08:002007-12-10T12:01:00.000-08:00By the way, I wrote the damned letter anyway. Bor...By the way, I wrote the damned letter anyway. Boring with a capital B.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02040099513110890878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-62099695715752398832007-12-10T12:00:00.000-08:002007-12-10T12:00:00.000-08:00Chani,Doing a group activity just because everyone...Chani,<BR/><BR/>Doing a group activity just because everyone else is doing doesn't make it fun. Not at all. So, go against the grain. There's no reason to grin and bear anything.<BR/><BR/>I like the holidays - I love the sparkle and glitter and the magic of it all but over the weekend, I got fed up. For the past two years I enjoyed writing one of those Christmas Letters to stuff into my cards for those I haven't seen since moving. It was fun. I had news. This year I told my husband, "...no Christmas letter this year There's no news. I really don't even want to send cards. It's a waste of my time and money." Well, he acted as if I was committing the worst crime on earth because HE wanted our sleepy news in a letter. He didn't get the point. I AM CHOOSING NOT TO WRITE A LETTER BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO. I'm honest enough.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02040099513110890878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-60853093303513433432007-12-10T11:19:00.000-08:002007-12-10T11:19:00.000-08:00Chani,I love going against the grain. It seems to ...Chani,<BR/><BR/>I love going against the grain. It seems to be part of my nature. But I always seem to get in trouble. Bad Dog.<BR/><BR/>I think you need to be you, and stop apologizing for not always fitting, not joining.crazymummahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04663148723513574331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-12767878595695258822007-12-10T10:05:00.000-08:002007-12-10T10:05:00.000-08:00Thanks for your response Chani! Why specifically ...Thanks for your response Chani! Why specifically do you think Adjan S was disappointed about your reluctance to celebrate a holiday? Was it to do with spiritual growth or some other factor?<BR/><BR/>Personally I'm a very anti-group sort of person. But I've found that when "group" is important it is better for me to let go and just participate, and not let myself stress, and even find the joy in it. This is my own experience of course!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-21842669143834883772007-12-10T09:52:00.000-08:002007-12-10T09:52:00.000-08:00as long as you are not actively trying to hurt any...as long as you are not actively trying to hurt anyone (i can't imagine you ever doing so) than it is totally up to you.Christinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04662448292809451387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-33701414828579577062007-12-10T09:23:00.000-08:002007-12-10T09:23:00.000-08:00I often find myself hovering on the edges of group...I often find myself hovering on the edges of group activities feeling awkward.<BR/><BR/>But I have made peace with it. Someone has to sit under the tree and keep those who feel like wandering/ wondering away from the group company.Helhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16151484041306013384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-82911758661806952792007-12-09T18:44:00.000-08:002007-12-09T18:44:00.000-08:00In some cultures, celebration was a requirement - ...In some cultures, celebration was a requirement - a way to share joy, just as it was expected that you would share sorrow with the community. But as in so many things, those codes were written so long ago and now we don't work for 6 months with no real break until a feast day, so it doesn't have the same meaning, I should think.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02362687820368214420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-69372857664335272182007-12-09T14:23:00.000-08:002007-12-09T14:23:00.000-08:00This has been a big issue for me in my life. My en...This has been a big issue for me in my life. My entire extended family find it fulfilling and energizing to celebrate every single Jewish holiday to the max. I, on the other hand, just feel obligated and drained by said celebrations and avoid them. I think that in most cultures, people who don't get anything out of it like me or you have just been shamed into participating. I'm thrilled I live far from my family and can worm out of it most of the time. It's a totally different experience for those who crave the communality of it and those who don't and it's not fair of those who "groove" on it to impose it on those of us who don't, or are even miserable doing it. So I say, good for you for being true to yourself.xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17866348942612559536noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-10950764367877957052007-12-09T07:12:00.000-08:002007-12-09T07:12:00.000-08:00It's possibly a personality thing with you more th...It's possibly a personality thing with you more than anything (my guess). Some of us aren't programmed to do well in group situations. Sometimes you have to <I>show the flag</I> anyway.Anvilcloudhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07974744042579564912noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-37492767247931217592007-12-09T06:32:00.001-08:002007-12-09T06:32:00.001-08:00This is a difficult one. I think there is a coerc...This is a difficult one. I think there is a coerciveness to a lot of celebrations. That bothers me and tends to turn me off. <BR/><BR/>However, if your decision not to participate were to deny another the chance to celebrate in a meaningful way (maybe refusing to allow the celebration in your space when there is no other space for it), then it could be construed as selfish.Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06000863597545070671noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-69338407219302805592007-12-09T06:32:00.000-08:002007-12-09T06:32:00.000-08:00This is a difficult one. I think there is a coerc...This is a difficult one. I think there is a coerciveness to a lot of celebrations. That bothers me and tends to turn me off. <BR/><BR/>However, if your decision not to participate were to deny another the chance to celebrate in a meaningful way (maybe refusing to allow the celebration in your space when there is no other space for it), then it could be construed as selfish.Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06000863597545070671noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-30761322256586824402007-12-08T22:28:00.000-08:002007-12-08T22:28:00.000-08:00I respect your decision, for me, personally I woul...I respect your decision, for me, personally I would want for you to be comfortable with your decision and no explanation necessary.<BR/><BR/>I am, however Australian born/bred..and I do love my solitude. I mean no disrespect to others customs/culture/traditions...that's just how I feel.<BR/><BR/>PamSiennahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15387267690900119245noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-18722478445328517162007-12-08T20:30:00.000-08:002007-12-08T20:30:00.000-08:00I honestly think it is both, Chani. I don't think ...I honestly think it is both, Chani. I don't think one is more right or more wrong.QThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15544956727530046973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-66092532046034124122007-12-08T17:46:00.000-08:002007-12-08T17:46:00.000-08:00Know what? One week ago I would have seen only you...Know what? One week ago I would have seen only your view, not the other one. But now I think it depends on the circumstances and I have a first-hand account that is teaching me what value there is in yielding. I only now understand that other view because of the situation I'm in this year...someone who doesn't do Christmas in a household of kind, loving people who get so much joy from their rituals. Each way of abstaining from these rituals that I considered felt selfish, stubborn and negative. As I softened, I found I was losing nothing. Walking out of the house would have hurt their feelings and I decided my boycott of xmas was not as important as their feelings.Kellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08182881635816655061noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-81624084360985118132007-12-08T15:10:00.000-08:002007-12-08T15:10:00.000-08:00I think we all have to find our own way, glad that...I think we all have to find our own way, glad that you have found yours.<BR/>Best wishes<BR/><BR/>This is my calling card or link<A HREF="http://whittereronautism.com/" REL="nofollow">"Whittereronautism"</A>until blogger comments get themselves sorted out.Maddyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05828186178060722812noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-56927948176113966382007-12-08T14:53:00.000-08:002007-12-08T14:53:00.000-08:00I suspect we are very similar. I could relate to v...I suspect we are very similar. I could relate to virtually every word.Ian Lidsterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14106994463366766471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-49625455067499781462007-12-08T14:49:00.000-08:002007-12-08T14:49:00.000-08:00Oh, well that is something different. How were you...Oh, well that is something different. How were you supposed to be a part of a group celebration so far away? That's what I don't get..<BR/><BR/>I know you aren't a Christmas person, you've mentioned it here before.<BR/><BR/>Cheers!<BR/>Snoskred<BR/><A HREF="http://www.snoskred.org/" REL="nofollow">www.snoskred.org</A>Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-36501333550554961782007-12-08T10:49:00.000-08:002007-12-08T10:49:00.000-08:00Melissa.. good question :) They are all about grou...Melissa.. good question :) They are all about group celebrations. I recall some of the celebrations that would take place when someone was getting married or going off to school or any number of things. The whole neighborhood was involved and I actually enjoyed those. I did fine with them. The national stuff, not so much. I attended each time but it was always the first time. After that, I didn't have much interest. The whole water-throwing SongKran thing turned me off completely but I loved the Loy Kratong celebration. <BR/><BR/>Still. I've experienced them. Now they don't have much hold on me. I get the concepts behind them and prefer to acknowledge those concepts in a quieter, more peaceful, way. <BR/><BR/>It's hard to say. Perhaps I'll grow into it when I'm there.. or I might find another way to avoid, just as I've done here. <BR/><BR/>Frankly, I was surprised when it came up as an issue with S. Perhaps he thought he'd taught me differently.. and was disappointed when I failed to acknowledge the holiday last week. He probably thinks I should know better. <BR/><BR/>And maybe that's true. I just don't know at that point. One way or another though, I will reconcile it. My life there means far too much to have something this minor become an issue. <BR/><BR/>:)thailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-28242242047306479132007-12-08T09:15:00.001-08:002007-12-08T09:15:00.001-08:00How do you reconcile your feelings with the cultur...How do you reconcile your feelings with the cultural norms in Thailand? They are all about group celebrations/events there. How will you cope with that?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-65512347747683307442007-12-08T09:15:00.000-08:002007-12-08T09:15:00.000-08:00How do you reconcile your feelings with the cultur...How do you reconcile your feelings with the cultural norms in Thailand? They are all about group celebrations/events there. How will you cope with that?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-20315159666637075042007-12-08T08:35:00.000-08:002007-12-08T08:35:00.000-08:00can it be both? i missed you. your post card was...can it be both? <BR/><BR/>i missed you. your post card was sent, so you'll have to let me know once it arrives.Girlplustwohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07056576921114387218noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-40606490610516000062007-12-08T07:07:00.000-08:002007-12-08T07:07:00.000-08:00Crinkled, glad you came by. :) I appreciate your i...Crinkled, glad you came by. :) I appreciate your input. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Sueb0b, I think you nailed it. I'm carrying my habits from here to there. Just the same, I can't seem to manufacture caring. You know, it's just not that important to me. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Snos, no... I think I'll pass on shooting you. (Prison is so bleak! LOL) In this case, I am not talking about Christmas but your point is still taken ~ and your analysis is right on as far as my own feelings about Christmas. I do think sometimes we have to do it for others and if I was surrounded by people who depended on that, I would make myself do it. <BR/><BR/>In the case of Christmas, not the shopping.. but the music, decorations and so on. <BR/><BR/>In this case though, I am 8K miles away and didn't find it necessary to acknowledge a Thai holiday. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>May, I agree completely. The same all year around would be good. Hunger doesn't stop just because the Christmas tree gets taken down. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Janet.. that's it in a nutshell. I'm not one for large gatherings anyway. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/>~*thailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.com