tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post4982823232302156985..comments2023-11-05T04:23:05.050-08:00Comments on Finding My Way Home: Good neighbors....thailandchanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-67250703022392867432007-08-23T21:07:00.000-07:002007-08-23T21:07:00.000-07:00C, it can be. It depends on the person. It can be ...C, it can be. It depends on the person. It can be manipulative (hoping you'll chase) or it can be my way.. which is simply that I'm done. <BR/><BR/>I'm a bit different than some, maybe. My tolerance for games is very, very low. I do the best I can to get to the root issues, discuss them and find peace.. but barring that, my palms go up, I say "I'm done" and it's over. <BR/><BR/><BR/>~Chthailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-90382131932982697332007-08-23T16:12:00.000-07:002007-08-23T16:12:00.000-07:00Isn't walking away passive aggressive?Isn't walking away passive aggressive?Cecilio Moraleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05283375962527765787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-3101477365077058582007-08-23T07:34:00.000-07:002007-08-23T07:34:00.000-07:00I would say that there are two ways to go on it: D...I would say that there are two ways to go on it: Depending on the importance of the relationship, one can explore to find out the real issue ~ and, barring that, walk away from it. :)<BR/><BR/><BR/>Peace, <BR/><BR/>~Chanithailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-21653324182036792422007-08-23T07:29:00.000-07:002007-08-23T07:29:00.000-07:00You didn't understand the question about not being...You didn't understand the question about not being in conversation. What if the P-A occurs, but not in the context of a conversation?Cecilio Moraleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05283375962527765787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-14040810514305985722007-08-23T06:12:00.000-07:002007-08-23T06:12:00.000-07:00Julie, I can see what you're saying. It would be i...Julie, I can see what you're saying. It would be interesting at some point to examine how the emphasis on "self" is contributing to the other problems though. I'm not saying that we shouldn't respect ourselves.. only that it doesn't need to encroach on others. At what point do others come first? <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Cecileaux, I am referring to common social conversations which are supposed to have a Hollywood happy ending. That is also the social custom I mean. The social customs in many cultures don't allow much for expression of negative feelings. P-A comes in when people begin to resent the fact that everything has to have a shiny happy face.. when sometimes it just doesn't. <BR/><BR/>If passive-aggression doesn't come into the conversation, then it's not an issue. :)<BR/><BR/><BR/>Peace, <BR/><BR/>~Chanithailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-63392755450795216332007-08-23T02:34:00.000-07:002007-08-23T02:34:00.000-07:00In your reply to my comment you wrote "Passive-agg...In your reply to my comment you wrote "Passive-aggression seems to be a defense against a social custom that demands a certain *type* of conversation over another."<BR/><BR/>To what type of conversation are you referring? What social custom? What if passive-aggression does not arise in the middle of a conversation?Cecilio Moraleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05283375962527765787noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-14770729958756365742007-08-22T19:35:00.000-07:002007-08-22T19:35:00.000-07:00First, thanks for the endorsement.Second, I think ...First, thanks for the endorsement.<BR/><BR/>Second, I think your linear philosophy of "charity and respect begin at home" is fairly spot on. I'd say backing it up one step is true too: how we treat ourselves is where it begins.<BR/><BR/>Here's another flip side I think people often miss: I expect my children to treat me with respect and I lovingly let them know the effect their utterly normal yet self-centered behavior can have. By the same token, I can tell when they begin treating me with disrespect that I have fallen into a pattern of dishing that out to them. I expect myself as mom to treat them respectfully, too.<BR/><BR/>Respect, BTW, does not per se equal nice which also does not per se equal doormat.<BR/><BR/>Third, it is my personal philosophy that noise is a cry for attention. When someone plays demented music loudly, I take it as a cry for someone to understand how they feel inside.<BR/><BR/>Of course, that doesn't mean that's *my* job necessarily or that I have to be assaulted by their turmoil via too loud and obnoxious music.<BR/><BR/>Unfortunately, by the time we are all adults...it's a space issue.<BR/><BR/>Listen to your children, my friends. Listen closely.Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-79228855172823038992007-08-22T15:44:00.000-07:002007-08-22T15:44:00.000-07:00Wayfarer, yes.. I know what you mean. While drivin...Wayfarer, yes.. I know what you mean. While driving through the rural south, I saw some amazing things! LOL<BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Mitzh, so do mine. Unfortunately, they want the rest of the neighborhood to be a part of their lives. :)<BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Emily, thanks. :) I do think it spreads out that way.. kind of a logical chain of events. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Pam, it's like some kind of mass psychosis. At times it really does feel that way. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Peace, <BR/><BR/>~chanithailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-21354490436608993192007-08-22T15:40:00.000-07:002007-08-22T15:40:00.000-07:00Flutter, thanks for letting me know. I have days l...Flutter, thanks for letting me know. I have days like that, too. :)<BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>SM, we had really good neighbors here for a long time, too. Prior to that, I never had neighbor troubles since I lived in cottages on large lots or some other thing that was appropriately isolating. <BR/><BR/>This neighborhood in particular might be "turning". There are things going on here that we wouldn't have thought possible five years ago. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Maypole, you have the point exactly! I'm not Tipper Gore and I'm not suggesting that contents should be controlled. At the same time, it's not right to assume that everyone within half a mile is going to share our taste. I'm sure the neighbors here would rather not hear blasting mor lum music, either. <BR/><BR/>And, yes, it has occurred to me that perhaps a little taste of their own medicine might not hurt.. but I won't. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Aliki, geez! That's a health issue! Were you able to get them to stop?<BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>CM, Lord of the Flies.. exactly! <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>QT, your location sounds ideal! I would like to blast my very strange music, too, but understand I can't. It's just a reality of living around other people. <BR/><BR/>As for the plants and flowers, yes, they do often snarf flowers from the yard here. I wish the owner would install a gate. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Snos, thanks. :) I hope your move goes seamlessly. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Gwen, amen! That does seem to be the core ethic. Maybe I'm just getting old.. but it's rather tiring. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Mary, that's the whole thing! It IS learned behavior. This kind of stuff isn't sui generis. It doesn't come out of the ether. Somewhere people are getting the impression that it's okay. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Susan, "dehumanizing" is a good word! <BR/><BR/>As for the music, yes, it does seem hostile and angry... just bad energy all the way around. <BR/><BR/>I'm sure some would say my morlum sounds like a cat being dragged through a knothole in the fence.. but that's why I control the volume! <BR/><BR/>No one else should *have* to like it! <BR/><BR/>And your neighbor needs to be educated about those shoes!<BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Next template :)<BR/><BR/>~*thailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-72286059744171569802007-08-22T12:33:00.000-07:002007-08-22T12:33:00.000-07:00Once again I got behind on my blogging. This is a...Once again I got behind on my blogging. This is a very timely post as, it seems to me, so many have turned to rudeness in dealing with neighbors, shoppers, drivers and the like. There was never such a term as "road rage" and people used to smile and say hello as they passed each other on the street. And neighbors kept an eye out for each other rather than raiding gardens, blasting music or letting their children run wild.Pamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14040757371778588395noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-11297035328193243292007-08-22T12:24:00.000-07:002007-08-22T12:24:00.000-07:00I like all your posts, but this might be my favori...I like all your posts, but this might be my favorite. It is simple and eloquent. You are absolutely right, neighbors may be next door or on another continent, but if they treat what we all share with respect, then they are good neighbors.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-44202894860721663682007-08-22T11:57:00.000-07:002007-08-22T11:57:00.000-07:00My neighbors seems to have a life of their own.My neighbors seems to have a life of their own.mitzhhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14271173732942518068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-68433963108874202622007-08-22T11:43:00.000-07:002007-08-22T11:43:00.000-07:00Growing up we lived next door to a church which wa...Growing up we lived next door to a church which was used by several different denominations. My mother used to get so mad when the various church goers would stop and pick her lilacs to give to their priest or pastor. Hoping mad! And I think the irony did not escape her. <BR/><BR/>However, living in the country is not necessarily a solution as some people think that b/c they live in the country they can do anything.Wayfarer Scientistahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07996334636311497271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-20065506107378748292007-08-22T11:17:00.000-07:002007-08-22T11:17:00.000-07:00Community is a thing of the past, sadly. At least...Community is a thing of the past, sadly. At least in much of this country.<BR/><BR/>My next-door neighbor of the dominatrix shoes also likes to play head-banger music, of which the bass line thrums through the walls like a Chinese water torture.<BR/><BR/>We seem to live in a "me first" world, and I find it increasingly dehumanizing.<BR/><BR/>Compare the popular music of today, most of which sounds like strident scolding, to the intelligent, tender lyrics of Cole Porter. He was before my time, too, but I am wistful about an era in which people respected one another and had manners, which they taught to their children.heartinsanfranciscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-52944664548169452702007-08-22T10:43:00.000-07:002007-08-22T10:43:00.000-07:00i hear you, Chani. I have wanted to annihilate so...i hear you, Chani. I have wanted to annihilate some neighbors of my past. It starts off with unruly, barking dogs, complimented by unruly, loud-mouthed, bratty kids, and topped off with disrespectful, selfish adults (parents). Learned behavior at its finest.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02040099513110890878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-84543653975242611262007-08-22T06:01:00.000-07:002007-08-22T06:01:00.000-07:00It's the new American motto, don't you know? "Wha...It's the new American motto, don't you know? "What's good for me, is good for me."Gwenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12526629366170486737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-26916999203455299372007-08-22T05:49:00.000-07:002007-08-22T05:49:00.000-07:00The topic is a little close to home this week, we'...The topic is a little close to home this week, we've just given the notice to move out of here. :) Because of noise. Because of inconsiderate people. <BR/><BR/>I'd write more here, but I need to pack. I posted on the topic. ;) I hope you'll be able to forgive me over the next few weeks, I may not be able to comment on every post but I will be reading them. I'll try to let you know I read it even if I don't have the time to go further in depth. ;) I know how important that is to you as a blogger.<BR/><BR/>Snoskred<BR/>http://www.snoskred.org/Snoskredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12670406702782244306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-18109289293729232212007-08-22T05:02:00.000-07:002007-08-22T05:02:00.000-07:00Chani - I am lucky to have no neighbors for about ...Chani - I am lucky to have no neighbors for about a 1/2 mile in either direction. I should play my music at ear splitting volumes more often, since I can without disturbing anyone! My geese are rather noisy, I definitely would not be able to have them if I had other families living close by.<BR/><BR/>If anyone would mess with any of my plants, there would be an in-person visit. I don't know how I would tolerate it.<BR/><BR/>Growing up, we had an enormous lilac tree in our backyard. One of our neighbors would regularly come and cut some lilacs off of it. My parents allowed it, but I always felt so violated when I would go in the backyard and see her there. Whenever I would try to express this, my mother would try to explain to me that we had more flowers than we could possibly enjoy, and we should share them to be good neighbors.QThttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15544956727530046973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-77687910329147309152007-08-21T20:06:00.000-07:002007-08-21T20:06:00.000-07:00Lord of the Flies just popped in to my head while ...Lord of the Flies just popped in to my head while reading this.<BR/><BR/>or any post apocalyptic movie or story I have ever read.<BR/><BR/>We are lucky with our neighbours. Blessed in fact.crazymummahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04663148723513574331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-57493064151377270472007-08-21T19:50:00.000-07:002007-08-21T19:50:00.000-07:00We have always tried to happily co-exist with neig...We have always tried to happily co-exist with neighbors, even when things got tricky. I think we drew the line once at our downstairs neighbor's pot smoking. It was an old house with two apartments and the smoke would drift upstairs and into our living room while we watched TV. Oh, and I was pregnant at the time.<BR/><BR/>But I do think being a good neighbor should extend everywhere--even outside one's own immediate block.Aliki2006https://www.blogger.com/profile/15763865834765963343noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-3222650685769498092007-08-21T19:47:00.000-07:002007-08-21T19:47:00.000-07:00sounds like your neighbors need to learn to be NIC...sounds like your neighbors need to learn to be NICE. I think what you wrote about ties into being nice... that you can be nice without changing your point of view - you could still listen to expletive filled music, but you'd do it on your headphones, or at a lower volume. :) Being a nice person or a good neighbor is being considerate of others, despite your differences.painted maypolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06446625015003854710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-87892104375366975242007-08-21T18:26:00.000-07:002007-08-21T18:26:00.000-07:00I think I've been unusually lucky with neighbors t...I think I've been unusually lucky with neighbors to date. I hope that continues. It really makes a difference.Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05602868040771218507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-57474406295874653502007-08-21T17:59:00.000-07:002007-08-21T17:59:00.000-07:00I wish I had something coherent to add, here but I...I wish I had something coherent to add, here but I just wanted you to know I am reading.flutterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11828689769747130419noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-6021926850823762772007-08-21T16:08:00.000-07:002007-08-21T16:08:00.000-07:00Jen, I suspect the reason for the annoyance is the...Jen, I suspect the reason for the annoyance is the issue. It depends on how much someone else's actions interfere with your peace in your home. For me, the loud music is a huge issue.. but other things don't bother me much. I'll bet some people wouldn't be bothered by the loud music. <BR/><BR/>I have to admit though... ear splitting volume on one's own music must be rather obvious. You know, it's not contained in a bubble. <BR/><BR/>Hm. I doubt you're grumpy. <BR/><BR/>~*<BR/><BR/>Peace, <BR/><BR/>~Chanithailandchanihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-88032223654928014332007-08-21T15:49:00.000-07:002007-08-21T15:49:00.000-07:00i saw Julie's post and was wondering how i'd contr...i saw Julie's post and was wondering how i'd contribute. i have neighbors that annoy me but they are truly fine individuals. just noisy. or i am just grumpy.Girlplustwohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07056576921114387218noreply@blogger.com