tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post8479873798000307882..comments2023-11-05T04:23:05.050-08:00Comments on Finding My Way Home: Sparring with Loss...thailandchanihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10171731740204067889noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-12490113189597601232007-10-25T10:28:00.000-07:002007-10-25T10:28:00.000-07:00Toxic. So hurtful. So common.I have found myself...Toxic. So hurtful. So common.<BR/><BR/>I have found myself in my journey lately experiencing many of your same emotions. Sometimes I try to soothe them immediately to lessen their power; other times I'm strong enough to breathe through them and release them. I hope that the pain of this experience passes soon.Angelahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09609676792430545424noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-63786052486639374422007-10-18T21:27:00.000-07:002007-10-18T21:27:00.000-07:00You didn't deserve this, Chani.You didn't deserve this, Chani.flutterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11828689769747130419noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-40998407036663534532007-10-18T21:17:00.000-07:002007-10-18T21:17:00.000-07:00I'm sorry to learn about this. But I think it is b...I'm sorry to learn about this. <BR/><BR/>But I think it is better to get rid of people who just brings us down.mitzhhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14271173732942518068noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-86269787485291842152007-10-18T20:07:00.000-07:002007-10-18T20:07:00.000-07:00oh, hon. i'm so sorry.oh, hon. i'm so sorry.Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05602868040771218507noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-60608204384119248732007-10-18T19:56:00.000-07:002007-10-18T19:56:00.000-07:00Chani, I'm sorry this person made you feel that wa...Chani, I'm sorry this person made you feel that way. It's good that you recognized how harmful she was to you and removed yourself from the situation. But don't sell yourself short. I've been reading a lot of the comments your readers leave, and you seem to attract a lot of positive people who have your best interests at hear. I know it's different "in real life" situations, but have faith in yourself.Rimahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15883046753707687727noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-3350538700702666272007-10-18T18:42:00.000-07:002007-10-18T18:42:00.000-07:00I've never understood why it is that we're drawn l...I've never understood why it is that we're drawn like moths to flame, performing the same toxic waltz over and over again. There must be a way to break the pattern. But I haven't found it.niobehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08315267454529454063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-670823168105678132007-10-18T18:40:00.000-07:002007-10-18T18:40:00.000-07:00Chani. It is so hard to break the patterns of emot...Chani. It is so hard to break the patterns of emotional dance. <BR/><BR/>And you did! It took you a space of time, not too long. If there is a next time the space will be even smaller.<BR/><BR/>And have you thought that perhaps it is the good in you that allows the possibility of these people into your life? That you are trying to be good even at your own detriment?<BR/><BR/>I think you were pretty strong. But I am sorry you feel all beat up. Thats lousy.crazymummahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04663148723513574331noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-36853936497948399732007-10-18T17:45:00.000-07:002007-10-18T17:45:00.000-07:00Oh my. I have recently cut a toxic person out of ...Oh my. I have recently cut a toxic person out of my own life. Someone very close to me whom I love very much, whom I know loves me back. But that kind of relationship makes us spiritually sick and destroys the heart. So I'm glad you were able to see it, recognize, and knew what you needed to do. It took me 31 years....<BR/><BR/>I too understand that strange feeling of loss. You can't just turn your feelings off like a light switch. Forgive yourself. Love yourself. We're all only human. And when it comes to the social 'dance', I imagine a great many of us are a bunch of klutzes, so don't feel alone.<BR/><BR/>Was it Gertrude Stein that said, "there is no answer, there will never be an answer. THAT is the answer." (?)(who said that, anyone who knows, tell me, because I say it often...)LittlePeahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17890731735785145148noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-83211935228198346272007-10-18T17:14:00.000-07:002007-10-18T17:14:00.000-07:00Something interesting, Chani - I went back through...Something interesting, Chani - I went back through my Google Reader and on October the 1st you posted the Fallow Time post (a title which for some reason has got stuck in my head) which is almost exactly three weeks ago. It is like this person was sucking your writing out of you, does that make any sense? <BR/><BR/>I think many of us commentors have proven that we will stay. I've been here almost a year now. Many of the people commenting here have been here almost as long as I have. So instead of looking for that elsewhere, take it from us - we're giving it to you freely.<BR/><BR/>I'm my own best friend. If I could have one wish for you Chani, it would be that you could be your own best friend. I sometimes think you dislike yourself a lot, it comes across in your writing from time to time. You don't seem to esteem you - and if that is the case - until you do esteem yourself you won't expect anyone else to esteem you either. Does that make sense?<BR/><BR/>Dr Phil always says " Sometimes you just got to give yourself what you wish someone else would give you." You said "sometimes something is better than the void" <--- this is possibly what you need to fix and you can only do that *within* yourself. Nobody else can do it for you. <BR/><BR/>I hate to say it but you'll never stop attracting these people until *you* give what they are giving to you to yourself. As silly as that sounds. <BR/><BR/>My advice is - when you feel that void, turn to reading, turn to music, turn to writing, gardening, volunteering, anything that you enjoy doing, instead of looking to fill it with other people. They can't fix what is broken. Only you can. I know you can do it. ;)<BR/><BR/>Good on you for seeing it for the pattern that it is. You can't change what you don't acknowledge. Yep, another great one from Dr Phil - he's right, too.<BR/><BR/>Snoskred<BR/><A HREF="http://www.snoskred.org/" REL="nofollow">www.snoskred.org</A>Snoskredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12670406702782244306noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-10298064316276155502007-10-18T13:44:00.000-07:002007-10-18T13:44:00.000-07:00I'm so sorry you went through this but so inspired...I'm so sorry you went through this but so inspired that you let go and freed yourself from the abuse. Good for you. Perhaps this experience will help you grow and keep your distance from toxic people in the future. In the meantime, blessings and light during this time of loss.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-9017358629520727592007-10-18T13:35:00.000-07:002007-10-18T13:35:00.000-07:00so sorry that this would happen to you, and that y...so sorry that this would happen to you, and that you are a gentle person with a wonderful spirit, it is good that you know and protect yourself....the loss of this "friend" is not so great as the loss of yourself...and your spirit...give yourself much time to heal...many hugs...namaste.enigma4everhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06589997090173140019noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-82943142491741968072007-10-18T12:55:00.000-07:002007-10-18T12:55:00.000-07:00Chani, I am so sorry this has happened.But I'm gla...Chani, I am so sorry this has happened.<BR/><BR/>But I'm glad you care enough about yourself and your well-being to just let this person go.<BR/><BR/>*I also wanted to thank you for the info. over my way. I responded to your comment in the comments & immediately began googling away.<BR/>Thanks again!*<BR/><BR/>Take care, Chani. And again, I am so sorry that you had to go through this.Tabbahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07571583646468537273noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-56465248367512364372007-10-18T11:33:00.000-07:002007-10-18T11:33:00.000-07:00I'm so sorry you experienced this, Chani. Maybe i...I'm so sorry you experienced this, Chani. Maybe it was a reprieve, a kind of test, of your new strength and determination not to be abused again.<BR/><BR/>Still, it hurts.<BR/><BR/>I believe it is still better to be able to open your heart than to be one who cannot. The failure of this friendship is not yours.heartinsanfranciscohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07535397382991383931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-34812930936314049692007-10-18T11:19:00.000-07:002007-10-18T11:19:00.000-07:00We've all done such dances with toxic people, and ...We've all done such dances with toxic people, and it's horrible. I was once married to such an individual and she was always alluring to me. It was excruciatingly difficult to break the pattern. Just move on as best you can.Ian Lidsterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14106994463366766471noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-31155249994370231702007-10-18T11:01:00.000-07:002007-10-18T11:01:00.000-07:00I'm so sorry. It's so hard to realize that a frien...I'm so sorry. It's so hard to realize that a friend is no friend at all.<BR/><BR/>Good for you though for recognizing the pattern and ending it. That takes a strong person.<BR/><BR/>Thinking of you.b*babblerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17494191160073990465noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-37397721579872395302007-10-18T09:39:00.000-07:002007-10-18T09:39:00.000-07:00We all like attention. Sometimes it just takes tim...We all like attention. Sometimes it just takes time to see the intentions behind it. At least you were able to cut her loose.Janethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00567374243896229606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-15416905746090302152007-10-18T08:19:00.000-07:002007-10-18T08:19:00.000-07:00I'm so sorry...loss aches. Knowing you repeated a ...I'm so sorry...loss aches. Knowing you repeated a pattern you promised yourself you wouldn't, to protect you, aches too. I know this dance, do not understand it, but as meno said, you are learning something, clearly.<BR/><BR/>(HUG)<BR/><BR/>Julie<BR/><A HREF="http://theartfulflower.blogspot.com/" REL="nofollow">Using My Words</A>Julie Pipperthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03169574697104642479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-50234051500823173182007-10-18T07:37:00.000-07:002007-10-18T07:37:00.000-07:00I don't know what to say. If you are the one who ...I don't know what to say. If you are the one who cut the strings, then it seems as if you are learning something in this life.<BR/><BR/>Courage.menohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18065283682414369608noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-1876084113599789372007-10-18T07:22:00.000-07:002007-10-18T07:22:00.000-07:00I'm sorry you were hurt. you cannot blame yoursel...I'm sorry you were hurt. you cannot blame yourself, though - this person did this to you. just as if they had actually pulled a gun or wielded a knife and physically harmed you.<BR/><BR/>I know it is difficult, but I hope you don't lose or change the trust and openness that is so much a part of who you are (or that I see you to be) because of this. it is part of what makes you a special person.Bobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13690660290319444722noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-18999007863524961802007-10-18T07:10:00.000-07:002007-10-18T07:10:00.000-07:00Sometimes I think it's just best to get out. And, ...Sometimes I think it's just best to get out. And, sometimes that's easier said than done. (hugs)Livhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09154719979114564561noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-51097582302904604472007-10-18T07:07:00.000-07:002007-10-18T07:07:00.000-07:00oh chani. I am thankful that you were able to fina...oh chani. I am thankful that you were able to finally see it for what it was, and get out. I think that shows that you are learning, and you can take at least some small comfort in knowing that you knew enough to get out. It is not your fault that there are predators out there. Part of being human and being in relationship is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. The fact that she took advantage of it indicates a problem in HER, not in you. You choose to deal with your emotions and questions about life in a kind and helpful way, she chooses to ignore her insecurities by passing them on to others. You are in a much better position than she is.<BR/><BR/>But it still hurts.<BR/><BR/>Wishing you peace...painted maypolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06446625015003854710noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-46320676146334090342007-10-18T06:51:00.000-07:002007-10-18T06:51:00.000-07:00Chani, I wish I had some words of wisdom or someth...Chani, I wish I had some words of wisdom or something to say that would make you feel better.<BR/><BR/>It took a lot of courage for you to disconnect with a companion. But you had good reason. It's called self preservation. No more torment.Maryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02040099513110890878noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-33830806588256848132007-10-18T06:30:00.000-07:002007-10-18T06:30:00.000-07:00Oh, Chani, I'm sorry.Sorry that you're hurt. Sorr...Oh, Chani, I'm sorry.<BR/><BR/>Sorry that you're hurt. Sorry that you're reminded that you feel different.<BR/><BR/>It's hard to hurt, but it's better than being numb. That's what I think.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-34839020841124068662007-10-18T06:02:00.000-07:002007-10-18T06:02:00.000-07:00Chani, the way I see it is you are not a failure, ...Chani, the way I see it is you are not a failure, because you were able to recognize the toxicity of this person, and make the choice and effort to cut her out of your life. That sounds like a success to me!<BR/><BR/>I've had to do the same thing recently (indirectly related to my divorce), and it did hurt like hell. She had been my bestest friend since high school, and it took me going through the worst time of my life to realize she wasn't the bestest friend I thought she was after all those years.<BR/><BR/>It's only natural you're suffering the loss, even though the real loss was having her in your life in the first place. But I can speak from experience when I say that it gets better. The sadness subsides, and you will be able to move on. And now you have gained the wisdom you need to surround yourself with some new people who will be uplifting and good!<BR/><BR/>I know this probably doesn't help very much right now, but I just felt the need to offer encouragement, and to let you know I've been there. Hugs to you!Triciahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13307295165727290580noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34955137.post-80841984030496619042007-10-18T05:01:00.000-07:002007-10-18T05:01:00.000-07:00How terrible, Chani. I'm sorry you had to deal wit...How terrible, Chani. I'm sorry you had to deal with this awful person.KChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02114277144629595998noreply@blogger.com