Last weekend, I went to a psychic faire and had a few readings done. These are all "mini-readings", just to get a sense of the reader and how he or she connects.
I met a rather good one named Shannon. She is very good! I'm linking her here because she also does phone readings and email readings. That way, she's not limited to region or location. She's not wretchedly expensive.
Anyway, most of you who read here know I have been living in a less than optimum situation for quite a while. It's not just the constant interruptions and the lack of respect for my personal boundaries, but it is also a mirror of what I've created again and again.
I allow people to depend on me and expect nothing in return. Somehow I've allowed myself to believe that expecting anything in return will corrupt me and is a violation of my belief system which, believe it or not, is the only thing that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other sometimes.
Shannon told me that Housemate and I have had a previous lifetime together. During that lifetime, I was her daughter and devoted my entire life to taking care of her. It has carried over to this lifetime. That pattern has continued since I returned from Thailand the first time and rented from her. I'd known her previously through someone who rented from her and recommended her. All told, I've known her since 1997.
The pattern didn't come to full fruition until 2005 when she came down with a horrible case of shingles. I managed everything from her meals to her medication and also ran her errands. I didn't mind at all because I perceived it as not only my duty as a fellow human being but also figured it had a beginning, a middle and an end. She would recover from shingles and everything would return to normal ~ which is simply that I am a tenant, we are pleasant to one another and share minor, casual interactions.
It's been increasing engulfment since that time and I have allowed it to happen. Me. Not her. Me.
That is what I needed to learn. Lately I've backed off quite a bit and no longer remain at her beck and call. I finally got openly angry when she interrupted me in my bedroom which is an unspoken no-no.
The cork was finally put in the Engulfment Jug when she approached me the other day and said, "I guess from now on, you need to ask me if I've left anything in my car." She'd forgotten some purchased groceries overnight and had to throw them away.
My response: "I don't think I want to get that intense."
I noted that she was sitting in her car crying shortly after that conversation.
I didn't feel rotten or lousy. I didn't feel like I had to make it better. I didn't feel .... engulfed.
That contract between us, perhaps established hundreds of years ago, has come to an end. While I have no interest in being cruel to her or unpleasant, I no longer want my life consumed with her life concerns. I have my own.
That is not entirely selfish. It's selfish... but healthy selfish.
According to Shannon, that has been my primary lesson in this incarnation is to learn separation, how to learn to be my own Self while still serving others.
What do you do to avoid engulfment?
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