Thursday, October 26, 2006

10,000 Miles and One Left Turn...

A few nights ago, I was up late. That often happens when I nap in the afternoon. Anyway, I turned on the radio and found Coast to Coast AM which is an all-night program dedicated to the weird and fantastic. That particular night, the host was interviewing Kevin Todeschi, a spokesperson for A.R.E. which is the organization founded by Edgar Cayce.

I admit to having a fascination with psychic phenomena, the spirit world, reincarnation and all those topics that are just far enough over my head to capture a sense of magic. Swimming in the deep end of the pool is not my specialty ~ but I do know when something makes sense and when it doesn't. I'm a "gut truster" and if my gut says it's right, it usually is. My "BS detector" is well-honed.

A lot of the things this guy said made sense. He spoke of things I've read before and generally believed to be true. We make an "agreement" on the Other Side to come to this plane of existence for our soul's development. I do believe there is something "out there" that's bigger than all of us but don't buy into The Big White Guy In The Sky. I'm reluctant to use the word "God" because of the baggage it carries, yet often can't think of anything better. The idea of one final authority in the vast multiverse doesn't connect well. On the other hand, I'm not an atheist. If I had to put a label on my beliefs, it's a smorgasbord, a little of this, a little of that. Buddhism and New Age are probably the closest. Buddhism is my ethical system. New Age is how I define the spirit world. I absolutely believe we live multiple lives.

Given that, I wanted to somehow put my own experience into perspective and the experience of others I know. My friends are an eclectic collection of "misfits", people who do not live mainstream lives. The thread we have in common is that none of us feel "at home" here.

When I do a quick memory scan of my previous experience, that is the thread that connects it all. From the time I was a baby, there was little to "hook" me here. My mother tells a story of trying to please me at Christmas ~ and no matter how much "stuff" she bought for me, I didn't care. That's not to say I wasn't grateful, only that it simply didn't matter. It didn't enthuse me. My brother was the enthusiastic one, the one who bounced out of bed to run downstairs. (Interestingly, my brother is a person who has adapted fully to this culture and way of life ~ and he has thrived.) She would have to coax me. I would reluctantly go down, open stuff, say "thank you" and go back to my own space. Given a choice, I would have stayed in bed all day, read my books and listened to the radio. And I wasn't particularly unhappy. Stuff just didn't matter ~ and still doesn't.

At school, both primary and secondary, the way people related to each other and the social system being promoted by educators seemed foreign. I always had the "you must be kidding" feeling. So I'm supposed to grow up, build an empire, work for some corporation until I'm 65, get married, have a couple of kids and call it good? No, thanks. I wanted to live in a lighthouse on a cliff.

I wanted something deeper, something more meaningful. I wanted connection. Real connection. I wanted to feel roots beneath my feet, going right into the earth. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't create it because my way of thinking was so foreign to those who surrounded me. A life of competition, trying to secure my place in the social marketplace, trying to get more money than someone else just didn't flip my switch. I am a very sensitive person, one who feels things intensely. Even at my age, I still shed a tear or two when I hear "My Heart Will Go On", hold a new puppy or see a friend I've missed. I have a gentle, unassuming manner. After a while, we just come to accept these things! :)

Thus enters that little plot of land we call Thailand. Muang tai.

As soon as I stood on that ground, the world made sense. My feet took root. The air made sense. The people made sense. The customs made sense. The weather made sense. The core values made sense. The religion made sense. The government ~ sidebar: well, there's no such thing as paradise! ~ The government is what it is. The language feels natural coming off my lips. The music grabbed my heart and wouldn't let go. There is a beauty, even when my surroundings weren't particularly beautiful. My soul was at peace. I was "home".

In some respects, knowing makes it harder and harder to remain here. There's no way a bunch of clothes or furniture will soothe that ache. Life has presented me with certain challenges that make it impossible for me to leave at this time. If somehow it became possible to leave today, I would walk out the door and never look back.

So putting that in the framework of reincarnation, could it be that I was there before? Maybe. I don't think so. Maybe I came too early and was meant to get there this time? Hm. Maybe. Not likely. If I was meant to be there right now, I'd be there.

Sometimes the universe has a sense of humor. It could be as simple as someone, somewhere out in the cosmos, made a wrong turn and sent me to the wrong place ~ about ten thousand miles and one left turn?

Truthfully though, this is a soul lesson. Thailand's there. I know I belong there. It is my soul's home. At the same time, I must reconcile my experiences here first. Running away isn't an option. I have to make peace with my life here before I will be free to go there. My metaphysical teacher in Tucson told me once that I must make peace with the desert before the peices will come together for me to move on to a new place. I grew to love the desert, to see the beauty in it, to appreciate it. Then things began to move.

Quite a challenge. Looks like I might have to do some swimming in the deep end of the pool whether I like it or not.

Peace all,

Thailand Gal



jen said...

deeply stated...i can relate to much of that - when we found that corner of the jungle in belize we knew the same was true, and we could not continue to go along the same way any longer - and now are making our efforts to get us out of here and moved to there. it's a lonely and misunderstood road sometimes, but it doesn't matter, because you know the truth of your heart and where your spirit needs to be.

i applaud you.

Thailand Gal said...

Jen :) Glad you came by. Everything you say is true. This particular entry was difficult to write because it tends to make others defensive. It's as though they believe I am saying *their* way of life is wrong or bad. That's not the case. It just isn't the right one for me.

Belize is a beautiful place! A friend sold his house a few years ago and has been living in Belize ever since, happily on the proceeds of the sale.

Best to you! I hope you are able to make it to Belize soon.


Thailand Gal

Gobody said...

I also believe that we are where we are because of a need to be there, you would move to Thailand when the time is right for you. Because moving should be a natural step not running away from something you didn’t finish behind.

I used to be a very rational person, more rational than anyone I have met in my life. Life experiences have taught me that there is more to everything than meets the eye. Now my belief system is 100% different from what it used to be 4 years ago. And I can sense now more to life than I ever believed possible, and if you can experience something yourself you have to believe it. After all, it’s a first hand experience not a heresy.

If you would like to know why you were born in USA, I am sure you would easily find the answer if you really wish so. Then you would see life as a fairytale unfolding every second in front of your own eyes. And everything you would experience would be another wonderful chapter added to that tale.

Enjoy and peace

Lucia said...

Your thoughts here entwine with my own sense of myself in the world. As a child and teenager, I never understood why people spent so much time talking about so many meaningless things. I had no intent of living the life I was raised to live. And it's out in the world, usually in the least developed parts, that I find my soul.

Word Tosser said...

Did you ever think that maybe...just maybe you aren't running from something...but running to something/place? Maybe you are looking at it from the wrong direction... So you aren't running away from USA... you are running to Thailand. You are running to the future?

jen said...

para tu (over my way)

jen said...

nada, nope, zip. (no email)