Monday, November 13, 2006

Van Morrison and Simple Pleasures...

Some mornings just start off the right way. It's never predictable. We never know when it will happen and there's absolutely no way to guarantee it. It just... happens.

This morning, I got up in the usual way ~ feed the dog, let the dog out, make coffee, slink into the chair to catch the news for a minute or two, wander around in a fog and finally get to the computer.

I don't usually turn on music for the first few hours. In fact, I had no idea what might be in the CD player when I turned it on. It couldn't have been better. One of my all-time favorite songs, Queen of the Slipstream by Van Morrison filled the room. (The link is just a clip.) I'm a career Van Morrison fan but that particular song touches my heart like few others. The lyrics are kind of ethereal. In all this time, I've never figured out quite what they mean. Interpreting poetry isn't one of my talents but it speaks deeply to me on an unconscious level.

My Yahoo mailbox contained a special treat as well. A man who found this site through google sent me several links to pictures he took while in Thailand. These pictures capture the essence of the people and the environment so well! Thank you so much, Steve!

It occurs to me that just two years ago, a morning like this wouldn't have been possible. I was living so differently. I dreaded waking up each day because it meant I had to go into a toxic workplace and somehow manage to get through the day without crying or running. I was always one paycheck away from the street. Without realizing it, I was medically ill with severe depression. Each moment was like slogging through thick molasses. Each movement was exhausting. I hated my life, was angry and couldn't understand why I didn't just end it. Nothing much mattered and the only reason I didn't put a gun to my head is because it would have taken too much effort. The worst part is that I thought it was perfectly logical to think that way. Those who couldn't see it were just brainwashed morons. (One day, I will write more about this. So many women experience it and if there's any point to be made, it is to see a physician before it escalates to the degree mine did. I was diagnosed as psychotically depressed and it's nothing to screw around with. The fact that I am still alive is a miracle.)

If you'd told me then that I would be waking up happy, looking forward to what the day might bring and how my life would include so many simple pleasures, I would have told you that you were either psychotic yourself or taking some very good drugs. My worldview at that time included no room for happiness.

And here I am, happy over such small things as a Van Morrison song and some pictures. Life is just plain strange, isn't it?

Peace to all ~

Thailand Gal


Susan as herself said...

Oh! I am so glad you are better now. What a differnrce time and treatment makes. I have never experienced that sort of thing (At least to that extent) but I know many folks who have, and like you said---it's a miracle when it's "fixed."

Your life sounds like a gift, and I am glad you can enjoy it.

Ginnie said...

I've found that getting the toxins out of my life is a life-saver and now I can let small pleasures in. I love it when a song, or a simple word or a smile can make my day. (I believe that life, as it is today, batters us in many ways and we all need to back away from it.) So glad you're having a good day !

Lucia said...

It is so true that every day when we wake up, we never really know what will happen. I'm having a day that's very different from the one I expected. I need to remind myself of this periodically, that I need to continue to be grateful for every day because who knows what the next will bring.

meno said...

It's so strange how we can be so sick and not even know it. I'm glad you had a great start to your day. Keep it up lady!

Thailand Gal said...

Susan, the treatment saved my life. It wasn't just the medication ~ but the education. The doctor who treated me spent a lot of time educating me on how to make healthy life changes. Removing and altering the things that made me sick was critical. All the drugs in the world wouldn't have saved my life without those essential lifestyle changes.

Ginnie, it does batter us, some more than others. I am a very simple person ~ perhaps too simple in some ways.

Lucia, I only know you through these blogs but it is evident that you are a blessed person. You are intelligent, world savvy and have a good handle on things. I believe you do know it. :)

Meno, I think we get that sick because we are encouraged to blow off the signs. We're expected to "cowboy up" and go forward anyway. I'm here to say that 1) it's bullshit and 2) saving face isn't worth losing one's life over. :)

Peace to all ~

Thailand Gal

jen said...

oh sister. what a triumphant story. amd am so glad you are around and spreading your peace and joy - it matters so much.

Gobody said...

Actually the best days for me are the days when I am happy about small things, I mean really happy about them.

I am glad that you had a nice day and I wish more of the same for you.

Anvilcloud said...

I'm glad you found your way (with help) out of the dark place.

caro said...

I'm grateful that you sought treatment and are here now to make my day all the more enjoyable. I look forward to hearing your thoughts about depression or the demon-disease,as I refer to it.

daufiero said...

"I thought it was perfectly logical to think that way. Those who couldn't see it were just brainwashed morons." I know that feeling, and I know how wonderful it feels to be in a place in your life when the simple pleasures mean something again. I'm so thankful for myself, for you, for everyone who has gone through it and come out the other side.

And man, do I love Van Morrison.

Pam said...

I have a sister who is fighting her way out of that dark and suffocating place. I was there once myself and am trying in any small way I can to help her through. They have her on some new drugs that look promising. But she still has an emotional battle to fight, we have a sociopath for a mother and and the damage is extreme. However, I believe she will, as I did, find her way.

I am so very glad that you are better and find pleasure in the day. And I am happy that you are sharing who you are with all of us,
you are a bright light.

My best to you.

Van Morrison...right on!

QT said...

For me, hearing music first thing in the morning is a MUST DO - it can turn my mood around in an instant, much like you describe.

So glad you are in a better place.