On being a human being, not a human doing....

This is a copy of an email I sent to a friend last night. He suggested I post it here. Apparently, it spoke to him and he believes it might speak to others as well. I hope it does. :)

~*~*

"I am not doing enough." This old belief plagued me all my entire life too and still does on occasion. It was terribly hard for me to grasp and internalize the concept that it was ok to be who and how I really am, even though how I naturally am is not what I was taught to be.

Well, I am finally understanding and embracing that I simply am not like a great majority of other people, values-wise or by nature. I was born a dreamer. I am an artist, a creative soul with a lot of non-mainstream values. I love solitude. I don't need a lot of people close up, only a few good friends. I feel trapped by the pressures to conform to any societal "norm" set for me. I don't know how I stayed in the work force for thirty years. (Yes, I do, too. I allowed myself to become so ground down, so dead inside, that I became suicidally depressed and wanted to take my life.)

And I spent far too much energy being angry at myself because I couldn't march to the common drum beats. More than being just angry, I condemned myself for not being able to be content with being like others. Had lots of help, too, from so called "professionals" whose sole purpose was to patch me up for the gerbil wheel and send me on my way as a properly socialized person with goals like everyone else's.

I'll dare to suggest it is worth taking a long look at this. How sick is it to be pissed off at ourselves ... for simply being the kind of person we naturally are?

This is knowledge to be accepted and embraced. Never mind what the rest of the western hemisphere thinks about it! This is not a place set up to nurture truly creative people. In fact, it almost seems designed to starve out those who do not conform.

There are many angry people and many are frustrated creatives like you and me. We just have to find each other and hang on to each other. We have to nurture each other when others won't. We have to encourage each other when others won't. We have to embrace each other when others won't.

It took me a long time to discover that the freedom of sheer creativity, unleashed and not dulled by unfulfilling conformity is sweeter that any high I ever got from drugs or booze. It is unadulerated and pure. It comes from that clear well deep down inside an artist's soul. It is the stream that feeds all of who we are. AS we are. As we were meant to be and meant to live these different lives of ours.

It means risk. It means we are unlikely to ever be a) rich, b) famous, or c) well respected, sought-after members of this market-centric society. We may spend more time in the "desert" than most. It means living consciously instead of on auto-pilot.

But it also means we are more likely to discover what Maslow really meant by that peak experience of self actualization. That painting, or piece of writing or sculpture created in that "other world" where everything is always perfect, where everything makes sense. Now that is freedom!

The more we allow ourselves to be who we are, the better life will get regardless of external circumstances, events or outcomes.


Peace to all ~


~Chani