American Culture on the Half Shell...

I had an interesting phone call last night. And, truly, I do not mean to blog every single phone call I get ~ and won't. Some of them are dull and boring. Most of them are dull and boring, not to mention short.

Still occasionally someone calls out of the blue. After a long absence, the conversation flows across all sorts of rivers and valleys, covering a variety of topics we may have been thinking about for months, trying to congeal into something worthwhile.

I'm becoming increasingly surprised at the depth to which Thai culture is shaping my way of thinking. It's so different that it is often at odds with people I once admired, people who seemed wise and beyond questioning. Things that used to be di rigeur now are glaringly out of place and odd.

The discussion last night involved "self esteem". This particular friend believes I have a bad case of Lack Of and wanted me to focus more on me, less on others, more on my value, less on contributing, more on being assertive, less on harmony. She believes I let people "get away" with too much. "You have to do what's right for you," she said, "if someone else doesn't like it, f**k 'em. You have to be tougher." This kind of talk now sounds to me like something from another planet. Yes, there are times when I let people get away with crap but in the final analysis, it is irrelevant crap ~ and forgotten a week from now. Living life on the defensive is not something I want to do.

First of all, let me begin by saying that I believe the whole "self esteem" movement is a crock of unmitigated crap. What the hell is "self-esteem"? Usually it translates to the belief in entitlement, that everything I do or feel is just fine. It doesn't help anyone aspire to anything beyond the mediocre and perhaps the most destructive thing about it is that it serves egoism and self-centeredness. (Like we need any more of that!) It makes any behavior acceptable because "that's where my heart led me."

Bullroar!

I've learned this lesson the hard way. For 25 years or so, I had just me. I got to do anything I wanted to do without any social repercussions. (In the desert, there's nothing to lose.. and some of my worst personality traits grew from that time. It's a consistent effort to overcome them.) It's easy to stop growing when there's no accountability.

Now I find myself wanting to be concerned about others, to give to them, to be inclusive rather than exclusive, to build community with likeminded others, to have meaning, to be considerate, to be kind, to show compassion, to be a better person than I was before. The five principles of mindfulness are now something I take very seriously. Every decision I make is balanced against those foundational principles.

Sometimes it seems my karma runs over my dharma ... but I do my best.

So, given this, what of my friend's comment? What of her worldview compared to mine?

The very thing she is promoting is what I put behind me when choosing a Thai way of life. It no longer resonates on any level. It no longer has any meaning. It no longer feels "right" in my soul. It's like hearing something I believed as a child, long since discarded and forgotten.

I don't know if it is possible to find much commonality with this friend any more. The time may have come when it will come to its logical conclusion. It's hard to imagine but these things do happen. Gives new meaning to the idea that people come into our lives "for a reason, a season or forever." Our season has passed.


Peace,


~Chani