Answering my nastygrams....

I don't know how many other bloggers wake up in the morning to nastygrams but I do occasionally. It's not very often. I wake up to email from an anonymous account by an anonymous person whom I have upset in some manner.

These messages aren't the same as those who write and challenge something I have to say. Those are great and I don't mind them at all. In fact, I welcome them. The nastygrams are those notes that come, written at times in all caps, usually less than two lines and are generally angry.

This one stands out:

"You will never be Thai, no matter what you say and no matter how hard you try!"

This particular note came from someone in Thailand. I traced the email and it was sent through TOT's servers.

My response would be this:

I am fully aware that I will never be racially Thai. My heritage is British. I am Caucasian. I've never been good at caring about race or DNA. It's the old "content of his character" thing. Bites me every time.

I believe strongly that all people eventually find what makes best sense to them, what blends with personal values and inclinations. That could be Thai for me and British for the writer. Someone else will have another affinity. Overall, that is the purpose for all of us, the purpose of life itself. We explore. We discover. We learn. We make choices. When we find ourselves at odds morally with our culture of origin, we might try to use the system to change those things. Or we find something else. People move all over the world to find a place and way of life that brings them to peace. Maybe that is what the Biblical passage of John 14:2 means. "In my father's house, there are many mansions."

I think the real concern of the writer, if I can make a wild guess, is whether I am honoring the culture or whether I am using it as a personal "niche", something to stand out as "cute" or "different". Maybe he is concerned that I don't understand or respect the depth of thousands of years of history or results of thousands of years of life wisdom gained through hardship.

While I am not a professional historian, I understand as well as I can. Part of my ongoing process is continual learning. I can assure the writer that I honor the culture very much ~ and I respect those who came before me and created it.

I also understand that there is no paradise here on earth. No place is perfect.

The woman who cuts my hair is Cambodian. While she cuts and colors, we talk. She told me a story from her own background. When she was young, she and her family were moved to a refugee camp in Thailand. During that time, she and her sister remember rapes and torture committed by Thai guards. I have no reason to believe she is lying. There is enough documentation to back up her claims.

That is something that is unacceptable, regardless of culture and history. The continued mistreatment of Burmese refugees in Northern Thailand is equally unacceptable and the guards and government officials who approve or engage in the behavior should be tried before an international court and be brought to justice. Period.

Thailand deserves a good international weenie-wacking for being so lax when it comes to the sex trade and human trafficking.

And we won't even go into the drug smuggling.

So, yes, I recognize that Thailand has issues. And I recognize that those who engage in the behavior use the social mores and culture of the country to justify and rationalize their actions.

I believe as we age, we become less of a "purist" and more realistic. We cull out the good, try to do what we can about the bad and life goes on. Choosing a way of life is a multi-dimensional process and we begin to understand that fundamentalism of any flavor rarely works because life itself is messy and complex.

My choice of Thai culture was not entirely intellectual. That was only part of it. It was also experiential. It is based on personal experience and an internal compatibility. In that regard, it's not unlike finding a wife or a husband. We accept that no one is perfect and nothing will meet our needs or desires 100%. We accept the bad with the good and do the best we can. We make our peace.

Peace,


~Chani