More on romance and commodification...

Okay. So I suspect we've all ascertained by now that I am a rather unusual person. My perspectives are decidedly off-beat on a variety of topics but in thinking about some of this last night, I came to the conclusion that much of it surrounds the issue of craving.

I can look back over the fairly significant number of years I've lived and have a vague recollection of craving in my very young years. You know.. as a pre-teen. Somewhere between my tween years and young adulthood, the craving stopped. Note that I differentiate between simple wanting, normal desire and craving. We all "want" or we wouldn't even get out of our chairs.

I'm not a dreamer, not one who puts much stock in dreams. Ambition doesn't seem to be a part of my personality construct. For the most part, I'm pretty content with what comes along and in a material sense, my needs are minimal. My life is simple and satisfying. Aside from missing Thailand, I can't complain about much. The things I choose to change in my life are ordinary engineering problems that have to be solved. How to get from Point A to Point B. I look for the most logical and reasonable solution to any perceived lack I experience in my life. Meanwhile, I evaluate the potential solution within the context of my ethical and moral system and choose an action.

Many of the comments in response to my post yesterday dealt with the issue of "sparks" and feeling "love" at first sight. I am not questioning the authenticity of anyone else's experience but I truly don't understand it. I feel kinship with certain people I meet but I can't wrap my mind around the kind of craving or attachment that most people consider to be essential to a romantic relationship. I love my friends but that comes from getting to know them, building a history and building trust.

What most describe as "romance" feels clingy and sounds a lot like craving. Frankly, I find it such an odd concept that it's difficult to even write about it. It's like trying to describe something I've never seen.

From an observer's point of view, what I see is a commodification of everything in that arena, from meeting to sex. People gather in certain places, use Internet dating sites and an assortment of other outlets with their laundry list of expectations (planned resentments) in hand, looking each other over as though it was a car auction. Women and men both primp, strut and present an image of themselves that is often unrealistic. Women are expected to meet an unrealistic standard of beauty. We are expected to paint our bodies with products designed to make us look different than we actually are. (I hate make-up. Sorry, ladies..) Men are expected to perform in equally demeaning ways. There is a marketing of the Self that seems odd, something that sucks the humanity out of us. It sets us up for frustration and failure because it is not authentic.

That is what I find demoralizing, demeaning and repulsive.

I appreciate KC's observations very much because I resonate to biological determinism. When everything is crunched down, I believe we'll find that brain chemicals and brain function drives most of our behaviors.

My inability to relate to that particular aspect of life could be something as simple as brain deficiency. It could be that my brain doesn't produce those chemicals. Although I must honestly confess that I believe what surrounds me in many ways has blunted it.


Peace,


~Chani