Thursday, April 26, 2007

More nastygrams...

Wow, yesterday's post really generated some interesting nastygrams. They were not particularly creative, nor well-written. There's another thing I've noticed that strikes me as odd.

They all came during the night.

I was home all day yesterday and not a single nastygram came in while I was awake.

As soon as the screensaver came on, they started pouring in. There seems to have been a cluster of them between 1.00 am and 3.00 am.

This led me to wonder about something. Why is it that people write nastygrams in the night? Is there something about the safety of the dark that allows us to reveal the uglier side of ourselves? Maybe it's just the idea that there can be no immediate response, no dialogue?

Maybe there's something about the darkness and the small hours of the morning that allows us to think those negative thoughts more freely, knowing that no one will see our expression and no one will see our fingers flying across the keyboard, typing things we'd never say in person. In other words, there will be no consequences.

I'm not a fan of writing nastygrams to anyone. There are things I've read on blogs all over the internet that have irritated me, made me angry, things with which I disagree. If I disagree based on some fact, I might write a polite note to challenge the thinking, usually in the comments section. If something I read is just so foreign to my way of thinking that I find it repulsive, I just click away.

What would make you write a nastygram to someone ~ or would you?


~Chani, who has been told in no uncertain terms to take my "ugly, fat ass" to Thailand, a country which, after all, truly deserves me. :)


MsLittlePea said...

Why would somone say something like that? I haven't recieved any nasty grams(knock on wood) but then again, I blog about my dog and my shoes and the neighborhood alligator who haven't offended anyone, that I know of:o) I've never seen anything offensive here. I don't think of your blog as a hot button issue kind of place. It's more of a blog where someone(you) putting out a well-thought post. And people(us) having something to add or just a word or 2 of encouragement. What is wrong with that?

It probably is the blanket of night that makes some people feel secure in spreading some anger around. I hope this doesn't discourage you or make you feel bad....just ignore them. If they feel so ugly towards you, imagine how badly they must feel about themselves.

Snoskred said...

Well, I'm not a fan of nastygrams either but about 4pm this afternoon I was considering writing one. I've got a cold and haven't been wanting to sleep during the night because it might keep he who works and needs his sleep awake, so I went to bed at 9am. 7 hour later, while I was still happily in the land of nod, I was woken by a large amount of screaming, yelling, shouting and crying. Did something happen? Was somebody injured? No, it was just those bloody kids across the road who I have tolerated the noise of for way too long now.

Several options crossed my mind. One too scary even for me, which was to go out there in my sleep attire and shout SHUT THE F**K UP at the top of my lungs until they did precisely that. One was call the police but why waste police time on people who are just too inconsiderate when they should be arresting dangerous people.

But one of them is somewhat acceptable. One of them I am seriously considering, which is a nastygram. It wouldn't necessarily be too nasty, it would simply say something along the lines of shut those damn kids up because we're all entitled to some peace and quiet. If they want to shout and scream send them to the park where I can't hear them.

The other option seriously being considered is moving. I don't like the idea. The only thing wrong with where we live is those kids and their apparent right to make as much noise as possible. The parents will often be out there *with* them, encouraging the noise. But on the other hand, imagine days without loud screams, cricketballs hitting fences and it makes you jump, I honestly feel like I'm in some kind of temporal war zone.

It sounds like a stupid petty thing and probably it is but I'm not kidding when I say it is loud. I can hear it anywhere in the house, I can hear it over the top of lpud music and the TV. And if there comes a point at which one snaps, I think I got there sometime last week and am now just holding on by my fingernails. We had two days of rain which kept them inside, and now I am praying for Noah's ark type rain. Forty days, what bliss it would be!

Oh, for some peace.

meno said...

I am going to assume that these nastygrams are from the busy busy anon.

I might write a disagreement with something, but never as anon. And never with personal insults. Get a life.

thailandchani said...

MsPea, they didn't really bother me. The reason they didn't bother me is that they were poorly written invective with no content.

How easy is it to say "take your fat, ugly ass to Thailand"? It's certainly easier than actually thinking about why my post might have offended ~ and addressing that. The latter is always welcome because there are many things I don't know. A good challenge just makes things interesting ~ but juvenile spewing just looks so bad for the person doing it.


Snoskred, I recently called the police on a neighbor who insists ~ absolutely insists ~ that when the weather is warm, we should all share her musical tastes. I get so tired of people who believe their music is to be shared with everyone, all over the neighborhood, whether we like it or not. When my windows rattle because some idiot thinks rap music should be played with the bass full-blast, I'm going to do something.

Her kids are also loud and unruly. I hope she doesn't think she's doing them a favor by allowing it.

Nastygram on! I would definitely take some steps to quiet that brood down.


Meno, all of them were from hotmail or Yahoo accounts. If I wanted to take the time to trace them, I could... but why bother? My guess is that they were a bunch of budding neocons who have nothing better to do with their time than write stupid notes to people who couldn't care less.





slouching mom said...

I think you're right on target about what happens in the middle of the night, the disinhibition...

Though who knows? It might be day wherever anon lives.


thailandchani said...

SM, that's possible. I took a look at the site stats (I know.. I know... I should be ignoring them. LOL) and noticed that the only visitors during the night were the usual ones from Thailand. It could have been one of them....

Still, the wording and such sounded kind of .... childish and redneckish. Not really Thai.

Hard to tell. Maybe one of them will leave a comment here and tell us why he or she felt safer writing nasty letters rather than dialoguing.

Pardon me though if I don't hold my breath. LOL




jen said...

what? nastygrams as in emails?

i can't ever imagine doing that. if i did take umbrage, i would do so in a logical manner.

it's a shame that you'd have to feel the brunt of other's misguided anger.

Caro said...

What was it about yesterday's post that was so offensive to these people?

Bob said...

No, I don't leave nastygrams. If I read a blog I normally don't and violently disagree, I just go on to the next and not comment. If it is someone who I read regularly, I try to start a dialog.

I don't use the anonymity of the internet as an excuse to be rude. It isn't in my nature.

Tabba said...

Sad, sad, cowardly people...I'm sorry you had to experience that, Chani.
I would never intentionally send a nastygram. I have, however, tried to send something completely innocent to someone who misinterpreted it & it turned into an ugly, ugly *thing*. It's funny how those kinds of people can say whatever they so desire, but the minute you would stand up to defend yourself or simply state the facts, they can't handle it, dismiss it, or turn it around on you as being the *whatever*.
Not speaking from personal experience or anything ;)

Mary said...

Were they anonymous comments? The nastygrams are ususally written by cowards who choose not to identify themselves. I haven't had any on my blog but I've seen them on a few others.

I've never left a nasty comment because I think it's pointless. I would disagree using discretion and tact, but I would never bitch someone out in their own living room.

Those night-time creeps need to get a life.

QT said...

Ah yes, the busy anons. If you can't attach your name to what you are writing, then you shouldn't be writing it.

No way I would do something like that. I am sorry you are having to deal with that today, Chani.

thailandchani said...

Jen, I'm with you. (And, yes, they were emails.) If I must strongly disagree with someone, I'll do it respectfully and privately.


Caro, the general flavor of the nastygrams is that I constantly slam the US. There are times when I publish a certain post and know I will get the nastygrams.


Bob, same here. I don't leave anonymous comments and I always try to be respectful, no matter how I feel about what the person has said.

If I can't do that, I don't comment.


Tabba, yeah.. you haven't experienced that, have you? LOL ~ Seriously though, yes, I know that occasionally someone will misinterpret something and I'm willing to do my best to clarify but when someone just writes invective, I just can't be bothered.


Mary, the emails came from anonymous servers such as Yahoo and Hotmail. I probably could reply to them but chose not to in this case. If someone is angry but says something worth addressing, I will at least attempt a dialogue.

Some weeks back, I published a nastygram on my blog and replied to it that way. Since it was "anonymous", that was the only option available.

The guy actually wrote me an email and thanked me! Sometimes someone really has an issue and deserves a response.. but I no longer reply to the "traitor" invective.


QT, thanks. I agree. I do allow anonymous comments here because someone might feel the need for whatever reason.. but in general, I'm pretty open ~ and certainly non-threatening. I hope that anyone would feel free to use their blogger login or at least make up a name.




heartinsanfrancisco said...

I like to know who is writing to me, and "Anonymous" is not very helpful.

Sending nastygrams on the sneak, under cover of darkness, is an indication that they are not willing to actually engage over the issues.

I'm guessing yours were from those who make a religion of "my country, right or wrong" and despise anyone who criticizes our government.

Such people should stop taking it so personally, and try to discern whether critics might have a point, and that if they didn't care, they wouldn't even suggest changes.

If they cannot admit that there might be another way to look at things, they must be people who willingly surrender all responsibility for themselves to others. A sad way to live, indeed.

KC said...

I would never write one. It would mean I do not have a life.

flutter said...

are you kidding? Well, now you are a member of the sumo intelligent and I believe I shall make you a button.

Sally Forth said...

I'm sorry for the bad energy sent your way. Your response was perfect. I enjoy differing points of view intelligently discussed and your posts achieve that.

Suzy said...

My experience has (too often) been that when I write a reactive letter I invariably regret it, because rather than solving any problems, it quickly descends into weirdness and negativity. Even when I feel completely justified in my message. Nasty anonymous emails are intended to intimidate and belittle, I think.
There are far better ways to communicate.

Interesting that the one nastygram writer you outed, came back with a dialogue.

Snoskred said...

Yahoo and hotmail are not as anonymous as people think. If you still have the emails, can you send me the headers, I'll take a look. If you're not sure how to get headers, this forum on fraudwatchers can tell you how, I've made it a tinyurl -

And advice to the anonymous, don't mess with people who are friends of scambaiters, because we can and will track you down just like we track down internet scammers.

Penny. said...

I missed something. What post?