Thursday, May 31, 2007

Love in all the wrong places....

Just to clarify a few things and to make sure I don't come across as a total male-basher, I wanted to finish up on the past few days' thoughts.

I am not out in the world very much. My life is very simple, small and contained. Something tells me that if I was a more outgoing type, someone who went out regularly, my experiences would be very different than they have been.

I have met men (in the past) mostly through ads. I've answered a few and also in the long distance past, have written a few. eHarmony. Match.com. Local alternative newspapers. Very public ways of finding a mate.

That is how my ex-husband came along.

Chance meetings are not something that come along very often with the exception of a few in places I frequently can be found. The local deli, as an example.

Given my background and my present, I'm not entirely surprised that I have met more frogs than princes.

Thailand factors into this. How likely is it that I will meet someone here who is willing to uproot himself and move to a foreign country?

Add to that, that I am a very old-fashioned person, adhering to values that have long since passed to the ashheap of history and there you have it.

... the reason I am not partnered.

I just spent the weekend reading a book that had me enraptured. The time period of the book was the late 1800s through the early 40s. I loved the gentility, the courting, the accountability of both and the innocence of it all. This was not a romance novel which I never read. It was an historical novel.

I can't seem to step into this "new world" easily. I don't care for the marketing aspect of the whole process.

... another reason I am not partnered.

Still, I do know some very good men. I don't hate men. Truly. I don't. Most of the really good men I know are already married or partnered so I don't stand any chance there. I am not willing to interfere in a committed relationship. I'm not that greedy or immoral.

So... this is all very complex and although I rant here on occasion, I am not one of those women who believes all men are evil.

At the same time, I am not willing to compromise on values that I consider to be central to the person I am and how I exist in the world.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I still believe I will find the right person. All things considered, including my age, I still believe it could happen. I believe he will likely have had very similar experiences as mine. I believe he will have the same old-fashioned values. I believe he is probably experiencing the same frustrations I experience. He will be just as surprised as me that there is someone out there who is compatible to his odd ways. It may be here. And it might be Thailand.

And that recognition will be all we need.


Peace,


~Chani

11 comments:

Cecilieaux said...

Sorry, but traditional courting stinks, as do the relationships that result from it -- for obvious reasons. As an old Spanish saying has it, you can get pears from an elm.

Don't expect a partner from a process that involves a dance in which the allegedly powerful, moneyed male purportedly entrances and is entranced by the purportedly weak, support-seeking female. That's the traditional model and if you're into patriarchy, then by all means insist on free dinners and doors opened.

If you want a modern man-woman relationship that follows a model that is not quite yet present, but which intelligent, forward-looking people can project and experiment toward, try something other than old-fashioned courting.

I'm talking of partnering that involves equals and delight, in which men are sometimes weaker and less wealthy and women are sometimes stronger and richer -- and status and roles are not dictated by the shape and function of one's genitals.

meno said...

Your attitude, the relaxed let's just wait and see, will help guide the partner you seek to you.

Damn, for me that was oddly spiritual! :)

thailandchani said...

C, I think it's rather evident that I am not interested in "modern" relationships. I'll have to take a pass, thanks.

I think you're giving into some dualistic thinking here. Must it be either/or?


~*

Meno, I believe that, too. Somewhere in the deep recesses of me, I do believe it. If it doesn't happen, it won't be devastating though. Being alone is not all that bad really. In fact, in some ways, I prefer it.

~*

Peace,

~Chani

Christine said...

I think your strong commitment to your morals and values as well as an openness to the possibility of not ever finding a partner show that you have a very strong depth of character. You have faith in who you are and what you believe in. If a good man fits into that, great. If not so be it. You are confident and that is a trait not many possess.

Julie Pippert said...

I think the key is to know who you are, what you want, what your values are, and how this all fits together. And so you do. :)

slouching mom said...

Yes. You know yourself perfectly well. You know what you need and what you don't.

And that is as it should be.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Flip came into my life most unexpectedly when I was reasonably content being alone. And being with him was even better.

It's important to share values and a sense of humor. It didn't hurt that I had seen him in a dream and recognized him when we met, either.

I don't think the process can be forced. If it's meant to be, it will happen, probably when you're doing something else that engages you.

Z said...

Dear Chani, I believe that you will find the right person some day, too. I think that it often happens when one doesn't look.

Many years ago, my sister told me how content she was with her life. She had 3 men friends, no sexual relationship with any of them, but good friends to go out with to the cinema, dinner etc. She said it suited her very well and, at last, she wasn't looking for more. A few weeks later, she met Alan and was with him for the next 25 years until he died. Be content and the rest will follow.

peace to you, honey

Zoƫ

Tabba said...

And your last paragraph just hits it all on the head.
Open to possibility.

And you know exactly what you want. I believe it will come to you.

MsLittlePea said...

You don't come across as a male-basher to me at all. I don't think you are expecting the impossible either. Chivalry(that's such an old fashioned word but I couldn't think of something equivalent) is still out there. There's someone out there for everyone.

Suzy said...

My mother remarried at age 79. She was so happy.