Weekend: Alone

I want to thank all of you for your very kind comments about AG. There are so many things I could say about that, how it came to be, how it continues to be a risk.

In short (yes, short), my eccentricity is both my salvation and my damnation. It would be impossible for me to become the mainstream person that would be required to have the kind of social network that would leave me invulnerable to the AGs of the world. I live a very odd life. I am unmarried, eccentric, disconnected from family and people like me fall through the cracks all the time. Often, we are the ones who are found dead in an apartment or house, having been dead for days because building a network of people is so difficult.. when we are so different.
To a large degree, I have accepted that my life will be this way until I finally get to Thailand where I do have an existing social network.

There are times.. not all the time, not every day... that I just get lonely for human contact. I want to hear the phone ring. I want to be invited somewhere, even if I can't go. I want to be included in the lives of other people. I want to feel alive and connected.

That's the cold, hard truth of the matter.

AG came into my life through a yahoogroup. We began corresponding offlist and soon we were talking on the phone. It became a weekly event and I think we both looked forward to it. I let my guard down and that is when the trouble began. AG began withholding attention to get her own way... or perhaps even just to feel like she had some power over me. I was vulnerable enough that it began feeling icky and abusive. She did many things that are not worth discussing in detail here but I came to realize that I had connected up with an abuser. The red flags were all there.

I chose to ignore them. To a degree, I created my own pain.

At the same time, something else occurs to me.

I have some choices. I have options. Granted, I am a hermit and rarely like to go out. I don't do very well in public and I am so socially phobic that it is disabling. To a degree.

I am not in a wheelchair. I am not paralyzed. I am not physically or mentally unable to get out. Any degree of agoraphobia I live with is certainly manageable. In other words, I do have some choices, even with my limitations.

What about those who don't have choices? What about those who have to put up with the AGs of the world because there is no one else to call on?

That is just plain wrong! Social needs are just as real as physical needs. We need to feel as though there are people who care. We all need to have the phone ring occasionally, just a human voice on the other end to say "how are you doing?"

Lack of that causes all kinds of problems that I don't need to document here.

I am a firm believer that all life lessons give us an opportunity to create something good out of the bad.

In light of that, I have started a group that is entirely designed to create a phone tree for disabled people, for shut-ins, for people who are far too vulnerable to predators who will take advantage of them. Really, all it will do is create a social network via phone for people who can't get out.

Until this happened, I actually thought I was the only one. And I thought I must just be such a detestable person that no one wanted to be around me, to include me, to be a part of my life or allow me to be a part of theirs. Part of me finally shut down and I gave up. (Until I went to Thailand where it was all so seamless that I truly began to enjoy my friends and social network.)

I put this out here because I'm sure some of you know someone. A neighbor. A co-worker. I am stepping out of the shame long enough (because there is shame attached to being alone) to encourage anyone reading here to take that into account, especially with people who don't have the options I do.

A civilized, kind society should never leave anyone so desperately alone that an AG can come into their lives and the person has no choice but to accept it. I am very thankful for my ability to choose to put this out of my life.

Last year, I presented a challenge to everyone reading here to invite someone into their lives, to include someone who may not be included elsewhere, for the holidays. This is an extension of that... or perhaps a reiteration.

One of the things I know is that I am valued here. Your comments and encouragement prove that to me every day. Yet I am in the situation in my physical life. I am a nice person. So are many, many others.

We may not be able to stop all the ills of the world. We might not be able to stop the Iraq war. We may not be able to end homelessness in the near future. This, we can do. Each of us. Every one of us has the power to change this... for someone.

Think about it.
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