Cutting Through the Bullshit....

Eckhard Tolle talks about the boxes we put ourselves in and the false identities we accept. It starts at birth, he says, with a name. We are assigned a name.

As time goes on and we venture into the world, we are put in other boxes that define us and we are then locked into them as we accept them as part of our identity.

When I was very young, I was put into the box, especially in my school experience, as the outsider, the one who wasn't chosen for baseball teams - as the one who sat alone.

At home, I was put into the box of "black sheep", the one who was assigned that role in the family.

I bought it. For a long time. Without even consciously realizing it, I totally bought the ticket. I lived it.. even when objective evidence showed it was wrong and no longer fit.

After a seven-hour meeting at the wat on Friday, I came to realize exactly how much I'd allowed my identity to be wrapped up in those old roles, those old beliefs, those old beliefs that were in place to serve the agenda of the people who surrounded me.

I've been challenged by my work at the wat in many ways. The primary one was to assume my logical role ~ that of natural leadership and strength.

It started rather innocently. One member and the lead monk got into a screaming match. (Yes, a Buddhist monk was hollering and carrying on like a 14-year-old boy in the locker room whose manhood was questioned. It was a disgusting scene.. but not the subject of this post - at the moment.) The woman who argued with him was naturally offended and got very emotional. She picked up her things and said to me, "Let's go." She was my ride but I wasn't prepared to go because nothing was resolved.

In an instant, almost as though someone outside of me was controlling me, I stood up and said, "Stop the bullshit. Both of you. Stop it now!"

I asked M if she honestly believed the monk wasn't listening to her because he doesn't "like" her. That was her statement. "He doesn't like me or respect me so he's not listening."

(Keep in mind that most of this interaction took place between them in a language I don't understand. I just heard a lot of yelling, squealing and other kitty cat noises.)

Everyone there looked at me. I had their attention. I said to M, "get someone to translate for me. If you legitimately think he isn't listening because he doesn't like you, then I'll talk to him."

The stakes are rather high in this whole mess. I can't go into the details but it is serious.

She dilly-dallied around and half-heartedly looked for someone who would translate for me. She was very invested in her identity of not being liked, therefore unheard. Her identity as a victim was more important than solving the problem.

I finally found a guy to translate and put all the cards on the table for everyone to hear. One of my rules for these kinds of meetings is that everyone's on the same page. No backchannels. No phone calls. Here it is. Look at it. Everyone at the same time. Paraphrased, I said "this is what's happening and these will be the results. If that's what everyone wants, say it now ~ because I'm hot, sick and I don't have the energy for any more nonsense."

Usually, I hem and haw and don't speak my mind so freely because I am trained to live up to my assigned false identity. No one will listen to me. No one cares what I have to say. It doesn't matter. There's nothing I can do.

As naturally as breathing, I extemporaneously came up with a plan of action and by the time I was done, everyone agreed. It all seemed rather logical to me, a legitimate solution - and to this moment, I'm not sure how I came up with it. I'm not trying to paint myself as the shero who saved the day or even will be able to fix it. The truth is that it probably won't be fixed. It won't be fixed because of group dynamics and people who choose their false identities over their authentic selves.

What I'm trying to get across is that when I got home, I did a mental inventory of all the times I've been involved in something and organically ended up in the same role. I was the one who spoke the truth that others were unwilling to speak. I took charge when no one else had the guts, the energy or the desire to do so.

And it is so consistent with who I am on the inside. It felt like a deep breath. I've been told by others that I am an exhorter. I am the one who is willing to rip open the facades and show was exists behind... and the wizard really is just a regular guy - just like us.

We're all like the wizard in so many ways. We live behind the curtain... manipulating and creating or accepting false images that serve us, one way or another.

I'll bet that everyone who reads this post right now would find some interesting things, looking at ourselves naked. Once stripped, we'd see the energy, the personal power, the strength that lays buried behind that Plaster of Paris mask we create - or has been created for us.

Try it. You'll like it. I'll be interested to hear what you have to say.

~*