Monday, July 07, 2008

Tuesday afternoon....


Last Tuesday, I got an unexpected call from someone I know from the wat. She told me she wanted to get together to discuss something we are working on and that we would do it over at someone else's house.

Because I'm very literal, I figured that's exactly what would occur. We would talk about the issues and then everyone would go their own way.

I should have known differently! We ended up spending the whole evening together. We cooked, ate, looked at fabrics, talked about different things, listened to mor lum music together and generally relaxed.

It was a wonderful way to spend the evening.

Here's the funny part though. At one point, the woman who brought me (I'll call her Mary) and the host's husband (I'll call him John) began a rather animated discussion in Lao. It doesn't bother me when they do that. I just sit there and wait until they're done.

Mary turned to me and said, "How old are you again?" I told her.

They returned to their animated conversation.

She translated it for me later. It went something like this:

John: She doesn't have a husband?

Mary: No. She's single.

John: Oh, that's not right! We have to find a good man for her! A woman shouldn't be alone!

Mary: Chani doesn't date. She hasn't had very good experiences with men in this country. They all just want to go to bed with her.

John: Oh, I do not know men like that! I know good men! We'll find someone for her! A good man! I don't want her to be lonely!

Now ordinarily, I would be irritated by a conversation like that. It feels kind of... intrusive. Yet John said all of this with absolutely no guile, no ill-intent, with complete innocence, and it was obvious he only had my best interests at heart. He was looking out for me, like an older brother.

Somehow it seems rather touching and sweet that he would want to find someone for me in his community, someone to keep me from being lonely.

It also felt very inclusive.

I felt embraced.

~*

24 comments:

heartinsanfrancisco said...

It WAS nice, aside from the mildly offensive idea that a woman alone is necessarily lonely. It was certainly meant well, and yes, it was inclusive and connotes acceptance into their community.

So what's it like to be a hot mama who all the men just want to go to bed with? I can't remember.

thailandchani said...

Susan, LOL.. no one has to be a hot mama these days. All you have to have is a pulse.

:)

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I like to think the standards were a bit higher in my day.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Amy Y said...

Intentions are everything... :)

wheelsonthebus said...

So, are you going to take him up on it? :)

slouching mom said...

What a wonderful day! Yay for nice people -- they're too rare these days.

ewe are here said...

His heart was definitely in the right place; what a sweet man.

meno said...

It's all in how it's done. I think it's sweet too.

Julie Pippert said...

That was a well-meant and kind thing. It's funny how when we are happy in one way we think everyone ought to have the thin we believe makes us most happy, kwim? It's a gift.

Olivia said...

What a nice day! I am happy to hear about it, and even more happy that you felt beyond included, but embraced and cared for. Lovely, lovely, lovely, YAY! Wishing you much more of the same,
O

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

This is exactly what happened to me when I taught in Russia. Again, it wasn't intrusion - it came completely from a place of love.

Anvilcloud said...

It seems that you have found a good community. Good for you.

Girl on the Run... said...

You are very blessed to have such considerate and kind people in your life. No one should ever be lonely.

All the best Chani,
M

painted maypole said...

wonderful!

flutter said...

that is incredibly sweet

The New Mom on the Blog said...

I'm glad you took it well. I have friends who turned awful at such good intentions and broke away....Oooops! In case you think the good intentions came from me....nah! I don't like to be matchmakers...its one of the worst job on earth.

Defiantmuse said...

yeah, what Emily asked :)

RKK said...

Sounds like you had a great day, and I'm glad of it.

Angela said...

Feeling embraced is the best! Wonderful. And yes, while it was absent minded at best to try to push their experience on you, knowing that they only think and say what they did because they care for you should feel good. You mean something to them, or they wouldn't care. Lovely. It doesn't get better than this, does it? In that instant when they wanted to keep you from feeling lonely, you were anything but. Mission accomplished!

Molly said...

That's how most people in country areas met before we all started moving around so much! There's even a place in Ireland that has a famous matchmaking festival every summer!And it's still very popular.......Farmers, even today, don't always have time [or inclination!] to devote to "dating". They just want to meet and marry a good woman.....I agree with Heart that just because a woman is alone doesn't mean she is lonely. You are lucky to have such loving, caring people around you.

we_be_toys said...

Sounds like it was a fun evening! I'm glad you weren't offended by the gentleman's desire to "fix you up". I could understand feeling offended, but I too think it was kindly meant.

Mark said...

I agree, John was acting from a place of love. You are blessed.

blooming desertpea said...

There is always a blooming flower among the weed ...

Carla said...

It's all a matter of context, isn't it?