Friday, August 01, 2008

Caylee Anthony....


Is anyone else following this case?

So many things come to mind, beyond the horrific disappearance of this child which wasn't reported for 31 days.

To keep this short, from what's been reported, I believe the mother either sold her child or it was a homicide.

It would be easy to hate someone like Kasey Anthony, the mother. Her attitude is cavalier. She's lied when the truth would sound better. She obviously doesn't care about her child. At least there has been no evidence of it so far. She doesn't sound like a "nice" person. It would be easy to click our tongues, talk about what a horrible mother she is and walk away.

Taking it a step further though, I believe she deserves some compassion. Take a look at DefiantMuse's post about women's community and how difficult it is to create it these days.

I don't believe it was ever intended to be this way, that small autonomous units would raise even more small autonomous units who don't have the benefit of being surrounded by other women to share in the child-raising process. It's no favor to a child to raise him or her, isolated from community - from aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, trusted family friends and a neighborhood.

If that had been in place, I don't believe this case ever would have come to be. Too many people would have noticed something wrong and would have addressed it. Women are overwhelmed, raising children by themselves with little relief from the day-to-day drip-drip-drip of supervising growing beings. It is the wisdom of other women that makes raising a child manageable, that makes it an adventure instead of a duty, that makes it possible to raise healthy children who will grow up to create a healthy and stable society.

What do you think?

~*

23 comments:

hele said...

I too believe a better world will be one in which we can carry each other and where children always have someone who is happy to see them rather than someone too tired to make an effort.

A world where we feel safe.

Anonymous said...

Allow me to point out that Casey Anthony did in fact have such a support system. Her mother, Cindy Anthony, was actually Caylee's primary caretaker. Casey Anthony lived with her parents and her brother, Lee. Caylee's grandparents and uncle pitched in to help take care of the child. It was Casey Anthony who knowingly and willfully left this "community" of immediate family which had, up until that point, contributed to the caretaking of her child. Casey claimed she needed "space," and took Caylee with her. Caylee never came back.

I believe that Casey Anthony murdered her child---but not because she lacked a "community," "support system," or hands-on help in raising that child. She murdered her child because she is a sociopath, plain and simple.

SUEB0B said...

I have not heard about this case, but I agree with you about community. We take it far too lightly. It is hard work and we don't want to do it and it isn't a big cultural value here.

We think we can send things and people "away" not to be bothered with anymore. The problem is that there really is no "away" - there is just shifting around.

jen said...

i can't get past simply being heartbroken at what that little girl must have endured.

we_be_toys said...

I don't know what happened here - whether the mother truly was mentally ill, whether there was family support which she didn't avail herself of - I don't know. I only know that an innocent child died, and no one was able to help her.
I think it does "take a village" to raise a child, but too often, the very people in need of that support, reject it, for selfish, or self destructive reasons, and the tragedy is that the innocent are the ones who pay that cost.

Say It said...

I have found that since I can't be around family, I have to embed my self into my community in order to give my kids better balance and opportunities I can't give them. With out that small system, I would have gone insane with the overwhelming responsibility of raising kids alone.

I don't know all the facts, and even if I did, there would still be some information missing. So, I can't really comment on this situation. But I do believe a community is a healthy thing.

MsLittlePea said...

oh. I haven't heard of this case. How disturbing.

You have made a HUGE point. In my mother's family, if a mother has to work or is unable to care for her child there is always a family member readily available to help out or in a couple cases, take over. My own (oldest)sister was very young and irresponsible when she had her first baby so I and my(middle-I'm the youngest) happily helped her for years.

This is off topic but I have to note one small observation I've made just as someone who hasn't been blessed with kids yet. Motherhood, for many women, seems(to me) to have become this huge competition. A lot of mothers I know who appear to be in supportive group friendships are critical of each others' choices(ie:to breastfeed or not, to have 'natural' delivery or not, etc.), and catty to each other. Has there ever been a time when women were less competitive/catty with each other? I have two sisters who are both mothers and all of my friends are mothers and this kind of high school silliness goes on even in Mommy groups and I've read about some of it in a few blogs. But like I said I don't have any yet so I'm opining on something I have yet to experience.

slouching mom said...

from what i understand -- and this is only hearsay -- the mother is protecting her boyfriend, who may be responsible for the homicide.

dunno.

but the story is horrific.

Anonymous said...

Slouching Mom,

Out of curiosity, where did you hear that hypothesis (about protecting the b/f)? It certainly wouldn't surprise me...

Either way, I strongly believe that Caylee is dead.

BlackenedBoy said...

I hate hearing about stories like this. I try not to pay attention to them.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I hadn't heard of this case, but while I agree that community is the ideal arrangement for raising a child, I have to say that I raised three on my own with no support from family, and I didn't murder or sell any of them.

Instead, I raised my own best friends.

I can't find excuses for a person who abuses a child, no matter what her circumstances. It is a sacred trust, the most sacred, and a mother who loves her child finds a way to take care of its needs.

It is simply too easy to blame the lack of community for everything. Some people simply do bad things no matter what their circumstances, and society needs to become more aware of such instances and save the children from their own families, if necessary.

Ms. Anthony gets no hall pass from me.

Chanda (aka Bea) said...

I, none of us, have all the particulars to this story, nor do we know what truely went on in those moments prior to the loss of this child. It is my knee jerk reaction to brand this woman a monster, and tuck this episode away under "things that don't affect me, because I would never.."

But it does affect me, as it does all of us. It's a symptom of how callous and sick our society has become as a whole. Whether this woman was mentally unstable, or had some sort of traumatic amnesia after witnessing something horrible, or was in fear of her own life, we may never know. All I do know is that it's never as black and white as the media likes to paint it.

Girl on the Run... said...

I do believe it takes a village to raise a child and that phlosophy. However... I also believe in taking repsonsibilty for our own actions.

You *(whomever you are)* brought that child into this world and it's up to you to sacrifce and give that child everything. It's tough but it's only fair. that child is innocent. You have to do what you have to do!

M

Julie Pippert said...

Hmm. I think, in general, I believe we can't have it both ways.

This story hurts me in the belly, especially that photo. The little round everychild features remind me too much of my own, and how I ache for any child who is hurt.

I do believe this beautiful, precious little child---who so many families would have loved---was hurt. I can't stand the thought. My mind edges away from it.

But I also think the vast majority of us can have a healthy community if we let ourselves and build it.

There are sick elements to our society, unhealthy and callous parts, too. But the bad apples do not mean the whole bushel is spoiled.

I think Suebob is absolutely correct.

Rima said...

I don't know anything about the case, but I agree with you. I strongly believe it takes a village to raise a child in more ways than one.

Defiantmuse said...

I firmly believe in the whole "it takes a village to raise a child" idea. Just from the odd afternoon here or there spent with a group of women and their children everything just seems to flow much more naturally. It feels "right". When I'm shut away at home w/ Monkey most of the time? I understand how easily some women can snap. I feel that I have a very good support system around me and STILL I struggle. If I was alone? I wouldn't even want to think about what that would be like.

Danielle said...

As the saying goes, "It takes a village to raise a child." And the longer I am a mother w/o said village, the more I believe in the truth of that phrase. It's so very hard to manage this maze of motherhood when "daddy" is working 70 hours a week and grandma and grandpa are too busy retiring to lend a helping hand. Well said Chani. Well sad.

painted maypole said...

having been out of the country i don't know anything about this, but I think you are SO RIGHT about what we are missing by not having tighter knit communities to support and look for each other

Harry Knopp said...

You can find links to all the local Orlando coverage of this case on http://www.USAMediaGuide.com

Anonymous said...

The eyes of little Caylee speak a tale to me. I can feel her pain. It is beyond me, that the grandparents allowed the mother to have this child in custody. I am sure they knew better then anyone of this woman’s lack of emotion and lack of good judgment. Her self-centered irrational behaviors. I feel they are as much to blame for anything that happened to this beautiful child. I would bet that their fear of having failed their own child, they now cover up any wrong doing their daughter may have done. I can only hope that this child is not suffering, that she is sleeping in a place away from the madness she lived with. May she be in peace!

Anonymous said...

My heart has also been touched. This is going to make someone in the family very rich dont you think the family has not thought of that the longer the press keeps it in the news the better 4 Kasey`s chance to sell her story could this B a motive????

Anonymous said...

first off, I am very ignorant to these kinds of things, I'm only 15 but for a 15 year old i know some. We are all entitled to our opinions, so heres mine:
I feel no sympathy or compassion for kaysee(however you spell it) she murdered her daughter, she knows herself more than others, if she didn't know that she could handle being a mother, than she shouldnt have got pregnant in the first place. I heard, and i dont know if its true, but i heard she didn't even want her kid to begin with, so, that kind of shows that she did infact kill her daughter. I mean i honestly don't know much about this case, i'm very ignorant to this. I was just reading this in class and thought i'd say something.
Whoever would just murder her daughter, has a mental illness, it was no accident or anything, she KILLED HER DAUGHTER. and she deserves to have her life taken away. Her daughter had barely even lived!

Anonymous said...

what is wrong with people these days? who could hurt a child. i'm a new mother and if my child was missing i couldn't wait to call the police. i don't leave my daughter with just anyone either. if that was truly the case. a child is a beautiful gift. there are so many people out there that want children that can't have them, why are there so many children missing or dead by the hands that are there to protect them? this little girl is in my prayers with all gods gifts.