Friday, January 02, 2009

Coming Out of Standby Mode....


Wow. From the looks of things, I haven't posted much here in December. A lot of it was retreating, taking some time out of the mainstream (so to speak) and a lot of it was just plain old-fashioned avoidance.

This past season was one of the easier ones I've had in several years. A large part of it is that I used avoidance rather freely. Avoidance can be a good tool!

But I'm coming out of standby mode. The holidays are over. I'm glad to be back to "normalcy" because it gives me an opportunity to take care of lots of things without all the interruptions.

I've made the decision to actively choose a new place to live, to get out more to increase my involvement with other people and meaningful projects and... I've decided to file bankruptcy.

I ran it around in my head for quite a while and it seems to be the best option. I created a lot of debt last year and can't keep up with the payments. It's not just lousy money management on my part, although that's certainly part of it. Additionally though, some events that took place and cost me money I didn't plan on spending. Medical expenses and other unexpected drains on my finances took serious hold during the last four or five months of the year. This is happening all over the place right now... with hundreds and thousands of people.

It's no small decision for anyone. The consequences are serious. I'll have a crappy credit rating for the next 7 years and will not be able to make any major purchases. But the essence of who I am is not my FICO score or my possessions. My peace in this world is not dependent on a 750 credit score. In the end, it simply doesn't matter.

Sometimes we have to make these decisions and move on. Life happens. I should add that I am at peace with it. I lived without credit for over 20 years and did perfectly well. The main thing is to not get caught up in negativity about it.. or let it affect the way I see myself, the world or other people.

These things happen. Trying to control the outcome and fret about it will only create unnecessary unhappiness. I choose to be happy and content in my world, even when things don't go as I wish they would. We can choose to be content, even with a tanking economy and all the world's problems. We can choose to be content because in the end, we still have life ~ and we have each other.


Peace,


~Chani

~*

25 comments:

Anvilcloud said...

I'm sorry. I know it's difficult for you and not what you wanted to do. Maybe it will turn out well for you.

meno said...

I'm sure you thought about this long and hard. I'm sorry it's come to this. I wish you well.

ThomasLB said...

There are a few things we have absolute control over, but there are a lot more things where our control in tenuous, at best. I hope this works out well for you.

Carla said...

Attitude is what puts us over the top. I'm sure you'll pull through okay as you're looking at this without getting caught up in the negativity that often surrounds these situations. I had a lot of unexpecteds over the last year as well. It was a lesson to let go, to except the gifts that we are given and to know that sometimes they aren't forever. It was learning to know that I would be okay even as life takes its ups and downs. You are right, it's not the end of the world and just might be a new beginning. And how exciting is that? Good luck with it all.

Brandi said...

I think that must be a VERY difficult choice and honor you in doing what's right for you.

no judgement here...as none of us live each other's circumstances.

I am glad you are at peace with the decision.

ewe are here said...

I know you've thought about what bankruptcy means, and if you feel it's the right way to go, it must be. I hope it gives you the fresh start financially that you need.

Happy New Year

Z said...

I don't know the legal and financial implications in America for bankruptcy, but I've got a few friends over here who've gone that way, and drawing a line at an impossible situation has enabled them to start again. Not easy but possible and facing the truth helped them to deal with the future positively and not dread it. All the best, Chani.

Christy said...

I think that sounds like an honest choice.

Peace to you!

Border Explorer said...

The peace you feel about the decision shines through your words. I wish you the best and respect your attitude of making the best of the situation.

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

I can tell this was a difficult decision for you, but I admire your determination not to indulge in negativity. I think you're right that such an attitude only makes things worse.

I'm hoping for the best with your decisions to move, etc.

Jaliya said...

Chani ... I understand the choice to file bankruptcy ... I once had to do it, and it took me four years to actually make the decision. Like so many people, my own choice was largely determined by serious illness, an inability to work, and a closing-off of other options. There's no shame in it (I had to learn this) ... and absolutely, as you wrote, "...in the end, we still have life ~ and we have each other."

Nothing else matters so much ...

blessings,

Jaliya

Olivia said...

Chani,

The decision to file bankruptcy is a very difficult and personal one. I filed ten years ago, but I feared filing for 8 years before that. The fear of it and the shame was actually worse than the actual filing. I learned a great deal and am glad I made the decision when I did.

Blessings to you, peace, and love,

O

Dianne said...

your strength and grace in this comes through

I wish you all good things

citizen of the world said...

I hpoe taking charge is helpful and wish you all the best in the coming year.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I've never done it but I have thought about it. Sometimes it's the only way out of an irreparable situation.

There shouldn't be any shame attached to taking this course if it enables you to get back on the right path. Perhaps the shame would be in destroying your peace of mind and your health over it.

As you know, I wish you luck in this and all your endeavors.

Mariposa said...

I'm happy to hear that you are doing fine. I completely understand what you are trying to do, as I myself is also trying to do the same thing, not really file bankruptcy as we do not have such a thing here for individuals, but I am also cutting down my credit cards and have entered some into term payments.

I hope 2009 finds you all the things you hope for!

Angela said...

I want to say I'm sorry you're having to file bankruptcy, but it doesn't seem right somehow. I so appreciate your honesty and perspective. I needed to read this today as I'm struggling very much financially - like you, medical bills, job lay-offs, just the cost of life. It's difficult not to fall into the negativity, but when I see that someone else can avoid it, I know I can too. Thanks, Chani.

Rebecca said...

I know you will come through this just fine. 2008 brought unexpected challenges for many, me included. As long as we aren't attached to the outcome and can let go stay present for the gifts, we will have everything we need. Blessings to you for the new year.

Leann said...

Chani,

It is not the financial means that makes us wealthy, but rather the blessings of friends and family.

velvet said...

To come to a decision like that is a really difficult thing to do even if it comes about from circumstances that are beyond your control. No matter what they may deny you for a few years after you go through with your decision, they can never deny you the beauty in life and the love of others.

I wish you the best for the new year. :-)

Sherry Peyton said...

Chani, it hurts my heart to hear of your difficulties. We are all struggling and I know this decision was not made lightly. My best to you and you seem to have your head on squarely. That is the most important fact, that you are emotionally settled with the situation.

Amy Y said...

I'm sorry to hear for the financial struggles but I just have to tell you that I love your attitude.

2009 is going to be a great year!

Janet said...

My friend's brother was forced to declare bankruptcy many years ago. I'm happy to report that he is just fine.

Your attitude rocks. Happy 2009!

Woman in a Window said...

In the end it doesn't really matter. I'm glad you know this. Sometimes though it doesn't always soothe the NOW difficulties away. I hope it all is a breath of fresh air for you. A new start. All the best,
erin

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