Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Eight Is More Than Enough.....

I'm sure by now everyone has heard about the woman in Southern California who had fertility treatments and gave birth to eight children.

I'm doing my best to refrain from some rather colorful remarks. The entire thing appalls me.

But setting that aside, it's hard to fathom anyone choosing to have eight children when she already has six others, three of whom have special needs.

Her statement? "I'll be there for all of my children" and "I've always wanted a big family."

That is naive thinking that has no place in the mind of a woman her age. At some point, someone has to call it what it really is: wrong.

She is a single woman, no husband or boyfriend involved. She lives at her parents' house. She hasn't yet completed her degree. She has no job and no income.

As old-fashioned as it may sound, there comes a point when people need to grow up and understand they can't have everything they want, simply because they want it. Making the decision to have fourteen children is irresponsible and, dare I say it?, stupid. Her reasoning is that she wanted "more people to love me". What? Are her children responsible for seeing to it that her needs are met? She grew up as a single child and always wanted a large family. Just the same, I always thought it was the other way around. We are there to meet the needs of our children.

But she wants. She needs. She wants to be loved. She. She. She. I. I. I. Me. Me. Me.

There is no way she will be able to provide the attention to all of those children they require, regardless of the idealistic view she might have of it. She will not be able to "be there" for all of them. Her three special needs children require more attention than an average child. Her special needs children are developmentally disabled which means they will probably be dependent on her for life. The other three, I suppose, will be tasked with taking care of the babies when the mother goes to school or work. And, of course, the grandparents. Children should be free to go out and play, go to school and be kids. It's not their job to raise their siblings.

Call me old-fashioned if you will but I believe adults need to make responsible decisions ~ but there it is. They need to sift through information and make decisions based on what can realistically be done, no matter what their feelings might be.

This is one of those cases where it might be in the best interests of the children to be removed from the home and adopted out to parents who have the means, the desire and the availability to raise them.

So.. what say you?

~*

38 comments:

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

I too have been struck by how narcissistic this woman is. The whole situation is appalling, and those children will be paying the price their whole lives.

citizen of the world said...

So very, very wrong for a whole host of reasons. And equally wrong? The unethical medical person who implanted the embryos. That person should lose his/her license.

painted maypole said...

i've tried to not pay too much attention to the story, pretty much for all the reasons you wrote about here. it is weird and disconcerting and downright wrong

flutter said...

she is delusional and completely batshit.

Olivia said...

Chani,

I loved what you said, "As old-fashioned as it may sound, there comes a point when people need to grow up and understand they can't have everything they want, simply because they want it." It does seem as though wanting something and then "going for it" is adulated, no matter what it is. Or who it is, in this case. It is so perverse that I can't believe that there is even debate about this.

xxoo, O

ThomasLB said...

Our press thrives on Outrage. I have a hunch that they're cherry-picking the facts to make her seem worse than she is, so that Nancy Grace and Mike Galanos will have something to shout about.

Personally, I don't get outraged when my tax money goes to raise children. I get outraged when my tax money is used for killing them.

slouching mom said...

I have to agree, even though at first I was inclined to give her the benefit of doubt. Because as a society we tend to pillory people so quickly.

But.

Yes. I have to agree.

Brandi said...

I completely agree with you. and because the story angers me so much, haven't been able to read very much on it to be honest.

Mary G said...

Well said. Get those poor kids out of there and give them a chance with parents who are desperate for even one child.

ewe are here said...

I find the story appalling, too... such an irresponsible, selfish woman. And it's the taxpayers who are going to end up supporting those children financially...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090212/ap_on_re_us/octuplets

As for emotionally, I can't see how she can be a good mom to them all when she seems pretty messed up herself.

starrlife said...

What is there to say- my opinion is that we are seeing the tip of the iceberg even in the cherry picking media. I know ill when I see it from years of experience and narcissism is also the tip of the iceberg! Yikes- I want the Dr who didn't feel it unethical to implant more babies into someone who couldn't take adequate care without welfare of the ones she already had!

Sherry Peyton said...

I've written on this a couple of times myself, and as the evidence comes forth, it gets worse and worse. These fertility treatments I'm told are very expensive, somewhere between 10-15 thousand. She has no money, so this clinic was doing it for free for some reason apparently.

I was quite angry with her, but I suspect she is seriously mentally ill and others who should have been responsible here were not. I don't let her mother off the hook either. She certainly was against this, but apparently didn't do anything to stop it either. It's appalling period.

Anvilcloud said...

Her fault, the doctor's fault. This is a total screw up from beginning to end. I agree; the kids need to be farmed out.

Mauigirl said...

Agree completely. And as others have said, there is blame to go around.

Blog Antagonist said...

I think the entire situation is terribly tragic. The victims here are those poor babies. I don't feel she deserves any help, because the choices she made were foolish and selfish. But unfortunately, if she doesn't get it, the ones who will suffer are the children.

There are a lot of people in this world who would have loved to have more children, but stopped at 1, or 2, or how ever many they thought they could provide for.

That's where a lot of the anger towards her is coming from, and justifiably so.

You said it perfectly. We can't always get what we want, and mature, rational people recognize that. She is neither, clearly.

Amy Y said...

I'm not sure if it's grounds for removal until/unless there is clear abuse or negligence... but I'm not sure how there won't be. I have a hard enough time taking care of my two kiddos ~ I can't imagine dividing my attention between 12 more. I know I sure wouldn't want to be one of her children!

meno said...

I believe she is mentally ill, and that the doctors who accomodated her illness should be disbarred.

Border Explorer said...

Completely agree. Can't add to the discussion. Just wanted to say "hi."

Kathryn Knoll said...

Many have had their say and are appalled, blown away and all of that jazz, but, unfortunately, what is done, is done and no amount of critique will change it back. I have to ask myself the question, now, Kathryn, can you do anything about this? If not, it is none of your business. If you can, then do something to help or shut up. On the surface it seems like an appalling situation, crazy, wrong, etc. but, things are not always what they seem to be. It's quite possible that on some other level she agreed to do this and others who are involved, including the children, also agreed to this. It may be that a whole lot of people will get involved and help, who have Karmic debt to pay. I am not condoning her actions, I'm just saying, that there may be more to the story than anyone ever dreamed... Stay tuned, the mystery may unfold in a most unusual way.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

I considered doing a post on this but the whole thing was simply too depressing.

Last night on the news, they announced that this woman now has a website where people can donate money. I am appalled...it isn't as if this happened by a weird quirk of nature. It happened deliberately with in vitro fertilization, which by the way, is extremely expensive, I've heard. And now she is asking the rest of us to support her?!

Sorry. I do have some distinct bleeding heart tendencies, but in this instance I am opting for a big band aid.

I did find myself wondering while out walking awhile ago what a stroller for octuplets would look like -- it would be the Hummer of baby strollers for sure.

wheelsonthebus said...

not to mention that it is environmentally irresponsible. and she expects the rest of us to help support them.

Leann said...

Dr Phil had her 'representative' (PR person) on his show yesterday along with some experts. It was an interesting conversation and it will be immensly interesting to see if she gets to keep all of those children.

Rebecca said...

I think the situation calls for our compassion, not our judgment. I, too, struggle with understanding how someone could make these choices, but I don't live in her skin. I do hope she and her children all find their way in this journey toward wholeness and healing. There is more there than meets the eye and more will be revealed.

All is well. Life is good.

LittlePea said...

Call me a bleeding heart, but there's something really sad about this woman. I feel sorry for her, most of all I feel sorry for her children and my heart goes out to her mother who will no doubt be pretty busy in the next decade or two. I'm wondering why the press doesn't seem to have any questions for this doctor of hers who clearly should have steared this woman to a psychiatist before implating her with babies.

And I agree with ThomasLB, I'd rather have my tax dollars feed hungry children than pay for weapons in a useless war to blow them up with...

Laurie said...

I think she's trying to make a living for herself by selling the rights to her children.

I hope any money she makes off her website goes to paying back the state of California for her medical bills.

I also hope the doctor gets his license revoked.

The whole thing makes me sick.

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

I think the real criminal here is that doctor.

The whole thing is so, terribly sad.

Woman in a Window said...

"As old-fashioned as it may sound, there comes a point when people need to grow up and understand they can't have everything they want, simply because they want it."

You said it all right here.

ArtSparker said...

I'm a liberal, very much so, politically...I asked the opinion of my neighbor who's a nurse, about in vitro, she's not particularly conservative. We agreed that it's a questionable practice. Just because medical science can do amazing procedures, ought it to be put to use for this and other extreme measures? Should people who have cash be able to pay to have babies? In a free society, unless you change the law (make it not-free society), you can have as many babies as you want...Maybe it's the procedure that should no longer be available.

To state the obvious, we will be able to leave a better world to our children only if there are less of them born. Not just the crazy ladies who have 14 kids who everyone can point at.

Suki said...

1. Who paid for the fertility treatment?
2. Who pays for the existing kids?
3. Who loves someone who makes life a burden for them? Does she really expect all those kids to love her for overcrowding a tiny house and making sure they have to survive on practically nothing?!

IMHO, life-making medical treatments should not be granted to ppl who have more than 2 kids AND can't pay for it! If they want it bad enough - they gotta pay. That should teach 'em some!

Mariposa said...

Never heard of it to be honest...but just reading it here is indeed appalling!

She is supposed to give them the care...the love...and all other needs which at this point is clear she can't afford...and not the other way around about her getting all the love she needs!

Bohemian Single Mom said...

Clearly this is a case where advances in medical science can do more harm than good.

It's tragic and heartbreaking. The girl is selfish and irresponsible, as are her parents and the doctors involved.

Great post!
I really enjoy your writing.

Angela said...

Everytime this story comes on, I sit there with my jaw hanging open, aghast, at the whole thing.

MALCOLM said...

Well I think I agree with the majority of the comments ,but I still have to put in my two cents worth.
MOM DIDN'T GIVE HER ENOUGH BARBIE DOLLS TO PLAY WITH. Malcolm

hele said...

I suspect the wheel is turning but the hamster has left the building.

PeterAtLarge said...

In the land of no-limits, this poor, delusional woman clearly failed to recognize any limits to her short-sighted personal desires. I don't disagree with any of the judgments expressed here, but I think it's also important to acknowledge the fact that there's a social context here, in which so many of us have come to expect that the fulfillment of our every wish is a basic right, regardless of its effect on others.

Carol said...

She's totally selfish, unrealistic. She needs mental help. Quickly. Her doctor needs to have his license revoked. Talk about self-serving.

slouching mom said...

She is ill. And it's so very sad to me that her illness has been maintained (and exacerbated) by the medical profession.

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