Weekend: Your Silence Will Not Protect You (Audre Lorde)

"I have come to believe, over and over again, that what is important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood."

Another Audre Lorde quote.

I've been thinking about silence lately. How we use silence to protect ourselves. How we use silence to maintain the status quo. How we use silence to express indifference. How we use silence because it's easier than taking a risk. How silence becomes just another expression of laziness.

I have always interpreted silence as indifference or disdain. It is the fastest, surest way to get me to retreat. In my family of origin, silence was punishment. Being ostracized from the group is how we were forced back into line.

It stops everything cold. It chills the soul. It destroys relationships. It serves no purpose. It allows things to go on that should never go on.

Last night I watched a TV show, an investigative journalism thing, where a couple of people got away with murder because no one was willing to speak up. They were afraid. And their fear and their silence made it possible for the violence to continue.

In a more benign sense, silence is what destroys relationships. Things unsaid. And as we use silence in our private interactions, it extrapolates out to the larger world and becomes a way of life.

Not speaking. Not asking. Passivity that comes not from peace but from simple indifference and laziness.

I don't get involved in American politics. Period. But I have definitely seen how silence contributes to the continuation of the path that country is on, and how, just as was predicted by those much wiser than me, it allows the oligarchy (yes, I'll use that word) to gain more and more control over the private lives of citizens. At what point do I use the "f-word" (fascism) which requires a silenced population? I feel safe and accurate to use it now.

Am I the only one who sees it?

So that is an example of silence born of laziness that has now become silence based on fear.

There is a positive silence, the kind of silence that is based on trust. Certain things that don't need to be said because it's all been said before and is an internalized part of the relationship. But that takes time and it takes a level of comfort.

I believe it's true on both a social and personal level.

I am trying to be better about this. I'm trying to be better about how I use my silence as well as using my voice to express the things I believe and feel while being as kind and considerate as possible. There's no doubt that I have much to learn and my words still stumble and fall around like a drunk ~ and my silence still oppresses ~ but I'm trying.

What do you think about these things? How do you use silence?

~*