Sacred Life Sunday on Monday: Tyranny of the Majority

Yesterday's Weight Watchers meeting was probably the most uncomfortable I've ever attended.

Being the day after a holiday, the leader continually yapped on and on about how "everyone" would probably experience some weight gain because of "all the barbecues and parties" from the day before. She just assumed that "everyone" would have the same exact experience.

I looked around and saw a bunch of overweight women, most of whom probably did not go to barbecues or parties and had still gained weight.

Probably because they were feeling left out of the parties and back yard frolic, as many overweight people are, but certainly didn't want to admit they gained weight because they spent the weekend in front of the TV with a pint of Haagen Daas. So they sat there in hard plastic chairs with set jaws and closed mouths.

Still, the leader went on and on and on and on. It's the first time I thought about just getting up and leaving.

This got me to thinking about how little room there is for individuality in any of these programs. It's the nature of "joining". We automatically become subject to the tyranny of the perceived majority. Aaaah, the ubiquitous "everyone". I think "everyone" is a neighbor of "they". You know, "they say"..... That "they".

The truth is that "everyone" was not at some kind of event. I was out and around quite a bit that day and saw very little evidence of family gatherings and didn't smell very many barbecues at all. There might have been a whiff of one while walking around the neighborhood.

One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is the freedom to experience our own reality, whatever it might be. I wish the Weight Watchers leader had been more sensitive to individual autonomy and individual experience.

If there's anything I've discovered through a lifetime of having an addictive personality and experiencing two types of recovery, both alcohol and food, it is that addicts are generally very individualistic. We think for ourselves and don't fall into many predictable demographic pidgeon holes. It's both our salvation and downfall.

I've also found that we develop our own routes to recovery through a kind of eclectic mix of programs and ideas, personal experience and observation. We "take the best and leave the rest" in the most classic sense of that.

One of the most important things we can do is let go of someone else's expectations about how our lives should be.


~*

Cozy...

I may be a bit scarce around here over the next few weeks.

There's nothing wrong and I don't have anything negative in my life at all. Sometimes I just find it worthwhile to escape the saturation of the holiday season. It is my time to read books, watch movies, keep up on my private email (which, of course, I welcome), get my sewing done (I have a pile), putter around and occupy myself in renewing and refreshing ways while others are doing the Christmas thing.

I may not be as present in commenting for a while. One thing I want to be clear about though is that it is only temporary. I am not bailing. All of you are still valued in my little corner of the universe. Unfortunately, I have exhausted my repertoire of holiday-centered thoughts or comments. The well has run dry.

I will be back to commenting, too, as soon as it's over. I might still pipe in on non-holiday-related messages.

I'll still be reading all the blogs in my reader though. I will smile when I read of your happiness and cringe when something doesn't go as you'd planned. I wish you all the best of the season and rejoice in your celebration.

See you all soon.... and, please, be at peace. Celebrate well and let it fill your soul like warm flowing honey!

~*

Doesn't Play Well With Others....

Okay. I admit it. I don't play well with others.

That isn't to say I am obnoxious or mean. It doesn't imply that I am not cooperative. I am probably overly cooperative.

But I simply can not bring myself to go along with something, just because someone somewhere wants me to do so.

I have to believe it. I have to feel it. It has to mean something to me.

And yet this comes in conflict to a degree with what a good and trusted friend called "doing what's right for the community."

I am willing to follow rules. In fact, I like rules. I like rules because they enhance harmony. If we all know what is expected of us, it's much easier to get along. Rules free us from too much frivolous choice-making that interferes with getting to the heart of any matter, getting to the important stuff.

Where I part company apparently is with group activities. They've never appealed to me because there's something about groupthink and group dynamics that just. leave. me. cold.

Where is this incomprehensible tirade coming from?

It comes from a discussion I have been having via email with Ajahn S about holidays.

I hate to think I might be a cultural dissident, even in the culture I chose, the one I value so highly that I turned my life inside out to be a part of it, but it seems that some inherent personality traits are more powerful than my commitment to fitting in. I've been extraordinarily lucky in fitting in to that culture. It seems to have happened by some power beyond me. That is how natural it seems. I love that way of life. At the same time, I can't bring myself to engage in ritual that doesn't feed my soul. That is especially true when I can't see how it is feeding anyone's soul.

Maybe I am too cynical. Maybe I'm too analytical. Maybe I'm just a royal pain in the ass.

The truth is that holidays simply don't speak to me on a personal level. Not here. Not there.

S. believes that sometimes we have to do what's best for the community, even if we don't really want to do it. I believe that. There are many cases where the community comes before the individual. In that, I am totally committed to not doing anything that harms community.

Yet when it comes to group celebration, I find it exceedingly easy to say no, to walk away and to ignore it. Completely. Not in a hostile "this is stupid" kind of way but simply in a "this doesn't interest me" way. I will admit honestly that I lose no sleep over this.

I don't see this as harmful to community in any way. No one is going to go to bed hungry or sleep on the street because Chani doesn't care about group celebrations. No one is going to be hurt because I don't care.

S. is implying or perhaps just suggesting (kindly, of course) that it is self-indulgent on my part to hold this view.

I would be curious to hear what others think. Honesty or self-indulgence? (I won't be offended by either answer.)

~*