Sacred Contracts

Last weekend, I went to a psychic faire and had a few readings done. These are all "mini-readings", just to get a sense of the reader and how he or she connects.

I met a rather good one named Shannon. She is very good! I'm linking her here because she also does phone readings and email readings. That way, she's not limited to region or location. She's not wretchedly expensive.

Anyway, most of you who read here know I have been living in a less than optimum situation for quite a while. It's not just the constant interruptions and the lack of respect for my personal boundaries, but it is also a mirror of what I've created again and again.

I allow people to depend on me and expect nothing in return. Somehow I've allowed myself to believe that expecting anything in return will corrupt me and is a violation of my belief system which, believe it or not, is the only thing that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other sometimes.

Shannon told me that Housemate and I have had a previous lifetime together. During that lifetime, I was her daughter and devoted my entire life to taking care of her. It has carried over to this lifetime. That pattern has continued since I returned from Thailand the first time and rented from her. I'd known her previously through someone who rented from her and recommended her. All told, I've known her since 1997.

The pattern didn't come to full fruition until 2005 when she came down with a horrible case of shingles. I managed everything from her meals to her medication and also ran her errands. I didn't mind at all because I perceived it as not only my duty as a fellow human being but also figured it had a beginning, a middle and an end. She would recover from shingles and everything would return to normal ~ which is simply that I am a tenant, we are pleasant to one another and share minor, casual interactions.

It's been increasing engulfment since that time and I have allowed it to happen. Me. Not her. Me.

That is what I needed to learn. Lately I've backed off quite a bit and no longer remain at her beck and call. I finally got openly angry when she interrupted me in my bedroom which is an unspoken no-no.

The cork was finally put in the Engulfment Jug when she approached me the other day and said, "I guess from now on, you need to ask me if I've left anything in my car." She'd forgotten some purchased groceries overnight and had to throw them away.

My response: "I don't think I want to get that intense."

I noted that she was sitting in her car crying shortly after that conversation.

I didn't feel rotten or lousy. I didn't feel like I had to make it better. I didn't feel .... engulfed.

That contract between us, perhaps established hundreds of years ago, has come to an end. While I have no interest in being cruel to her or unpleasant, I no longer want my life consumed with her life concerns. I have my own.

That is not entirely selfish. It's selfish... but healthy selfish.

According to Shannon, that has been my primary lesson in this incarnation is to learn separation, how to learn to be my own Self while still serving others.

What do you do to avoid engulfment?


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Would you rather go to heaven or be reincarnated....

Thanks so much for all your responses yesterday. Truly... this, for me, is what blogging is all about. Culling wisdom. But then, you all know I feel that way about it.

On a somewhat easier note, how about a more general question? Do with it as you will. Talk as much or as little as you like. Theology is fine if it is part of your reasoning. Or don't give a reason. Just answer the question. :)

Would you rather be reincarnated or go to heaven? Why?

For me, I would rather go to heaven. I don't seem to be a good match for the material plane. It is all like some kind of baffling mystery that often leaves me feeling kind of hollow. I like the idea of being "done" and being able to move on to something else, perhaps another plane of existence with different lessons.
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Old souls ....

Last night, we had some interesting discussions.

I suspect most of us want to believe we are "old souls". It implies a certain wisdom and experience that will place us just a bit "above" the unwashed masses. We want to believe we come here with something extra that will make our lives more meaningful and more fulfilling because we have an understanding of our purpose here.

Personally, I believe that is a very western concept. It's competitive. It's a way to feed our egos by believing we have an advantage over most others.

I've studied this stuff for a long time and am very, very aware ~ sometimes painfully aware ~ that I am a new soul. It's not too likely that I've hung around this neighborhood very many times before. I still get lost too easily. If I had to make a wild, wild guess, I'd say I've had perhaps four lifetimes.

Not all of them were in the East, unless Poland would be considered "East". I once had a past-life reading that indicated my most recent life before this one was spent in Eastern Europe. I was a very ordinary person who died in the Holocaust, specifically at Auschwitz. This makes some sense to me because as a young kid, I used to weep inconsolably whenever I heard about it. It wasn't empathy crying. It was keening, weeping, uncontrollable tears that would cause me to lose my breath. That held true until my mid-teens when it somehow resolved and I was able to discuss it and hear about it with some semblence of rationality.

Some theories of reincarnation would say that is not possible because my birthdate is too close to the end of WWII. They say there are at least 100 years between incarnations. I don't subscribe to that particular theory because time itself is a linear concept, invented by us for our convenience. In the spirit world, there is no time. I believe we cycle when we're meant to cycle and it could be 100 years or 2 days. It depends on the soul's lessons and needs.

In another lifetime, I was a selfish, inconsiderate, horrid person who likely used others and discarded them with some abandon. I don't know the specifics or the location of that lifetime but I believe much of my karma in this lifetime is tied to that one.

Most likely, my first incarnation was in Thailand (or Siam, as the case may be). That is why it is "home". It is where my soul's tentacles feed into the earth and remain planted. When I was in Khon Kaen, I met several people whom I believe to be "soulmates", people I've known in that and perhaps other lifetimes. These are the souls who cycle with us each time. We always find them. (Ajahn S., as an example, is one of those people. My mother is one of them. There's no guarantee that a "soul mate" is a positive influence. It's easy to confuse this term with the romantic concept of "soul mate" but it actually means anyone who comes into our lives that contributes to our growth. That means a completely toxic person could very well be a "soul mate".)

The Balinese believe we are each born with "four brothers", four guides, who are always with us. They name their "brothers" and talk with them. That's just another twist on the guardian angel belief that seems to hold in most of the world's religions.

Thai people actually build a little house for their spirit guides and ancestors called San Phra Phum. I have done this as well and find it kind of comforting and familiar. That tells me that it is something from "home". Our first lifetime is very much like our earthly childhood. That is where we learn the basics. Most of the choices and patterns we develope come from our soul's "childhood", too. Just like an earthly lifetime, we continue cycling as we grow, change, develope and confirm certain beliefs and ways of life.

Well, at least that's my take on it. It would be interesting to hear what you believe, even if it is that I am full of baloney. Do you have an affinity for a particular time in history or a particular place?


Peace,


~Chani