Householders and then the rest of us....

There have been several events over the past few weeks that have given me the needed kick in the behind to forge forward.

Sometimes I get stuck, not knowing who I am. That's a weird reference so I'll explain. Outside forces can come into play and we forget who we really are. We think we should be something else and get caught up in the expectations of meeting those standards. It's sort of basic sociology that acknowledges that people don't like to be "not average". It's scary to stand out, to be different. We learn very early to stop speaking our truth and simply give in. Like Babbit who never did a single thing he wanted to do, we give up and do what is expected of us.

As long as I can remember, I've been all about ideas, the larger picture and I'm happiest when I am exploring new ways of thinking. I ponder. Endlessly. When new ideas are presented to me, it's my greatest pleasure to dig in, learn the history of the idea and explore how it can be applied to real life situations.

In other words, I am not a householder. Family life and the incumbent responsibilities have no attraction for me - and I don't even understand the desire that others have to create these small, autonomous units and build their personal empires. It has always seemed rather transitory and useless.

Well, you can imagine in a culture such as this one, that leads to harsh judgment. I've been criticized for not wanting to take on responsibility, have been called "lazy" and told that I "lack ambition".

Two of those things are true. I do not have ambition and don't want to be burdened with day-to-day responsibilities. Resentment builds each time I am dragged away from the things that I find important to handle some petty household concern. My housemate, on the other hand, loves it and feels empty when she doesn't have enough "to do".

After trying to live in that world for 40+ years, I'm finally letting it go and accepting what I have to offer as being perfectly valid and just as necessary. I want to put more of my energy into my practice, into learning, into offering something to the world that way. There is a lot involved in spiritual development and no one who is truly committed sits around on their asses eating popcorn (although there is a place for that occasionally, too). If I was free to do so right now, I would take up residence at the temple and spend all of my time on those concerns.

It actually requires a rather rigorous discipline to keep growing in any kind of practice. It means I meditate when I'd rather be watching CSI. It means helping others, even if I don't happen to feel like it that day. It means remaining vigilant about making sure my own spirit is clean so that I can help others from a position of authenticity.

It means rigorously making sure I don't fall into negative, judgmental thinking. It means practicing endless lovingkindness, even when I'd really rather tell someone off or criticize them for their shortcomings.

It means sticking to a strict standard of acceptance of others - where they are - not where I want them to be. It means forgiving all the time, not only the times I am able to somehow reconcile it.

It means stepping outside of myself, even when it's hard ~ because being selfish is always easier than the alternative.

Over the past few weeks, some of my major shortcomings have been brought to my attention. Not by others but through circumstances. Often that is how we learn. We see a pattern and recognize that it is trying to tell us something.

In response and recognition, I've decided to step out into terrain that is a bit more difficult and challenging.

I've been following the Five Precepts for a long time now. Now I am going to attempt the Eight Precepts.

One of the ways this is going to manifest most obviously is that I am not going to get further involved with things that I believe are contra-indicated in fully actualizing this practice.

The reason I am writing about this here, even though it is essentially a rather private matter, is that it will affect how I participate in the blogging community from now on.

I am no longer going to try to "fit in" with people where I am clearly having to try too hard.

I am no longer going to participate in contests, awards, tags or other social games that I find offensive and offensive to my practice. While I appreciate very much the kindness and the intent behind those who have generously offered me praise, it is not what I am here for. Your reading and an occasional comment if something I say is meaningful for you are more than sufficient validation.

I am going to comment mindfully. When you see a comment from me, it is because there is something I really want to say - and it is to you - not the others who may be reading. I am not going to comment for any other reason than simply my desire to communicate with you authentically on your topic, to encourage you or to comfort you.

I will do my best to respectfully respond to your comments because they matter to me and you deserve that consideration. Sometimes I might fall on this or respond a few days after you've left it. I commit to doing my best though.

I am no longer going to engage in social networking, competing for hits and comments or other trappings of "popularity". That is a craving that has distracted me too many times. It hinders my growth. I'm letting it go.

What I do offer is a glimpse into transformation. I will offer wholesome discussion of topics that will hopefully uplift and encourage. Sometimes I will try to bring your attention to something that needs fixing ~ a social justice issue or a larger cultural issue. In other words, I will simply "talk" to you.

I hope you will choose to continue reading.
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