Weekend: Maybe you all can help me figure this one out....

Note: Removed the news story I'd quoted since it has resolved during the day.

I have wanted things in my life. In fact, one can say that on occasion, I might have even craved something.

Thailand, as an example. I really want to go to Thailand. I believe I belong there. It is my home and I miss it ~ every single day.

On the other hand, I would never steal, cheat, deceive, harm or exploit another human being to get there. There is nothing in this world worth having that would lead me to forfeit my integrity or go against my basic moral principles.

I don't understand the mentality of those who would. Maybe I just don't know what it feels like to want something that much. Maybe I've never been hungry enough. There is no self-righteousness implied. I simply don't get it!

Perhaps I don't know where that line becomes blurry, the line between being a moral human being and stepping into the darkest of dark places ~ the place where conscience ceases to exist.

What do you think about craving? When does it become most difficult to control?

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Well, it's the weekend. If we're lucky, this will be a pleasant, cloudy and cool weekend. After months of relentless sun with little break (my poor eyes can't take much more), I look forward to long leisurely walks, aimless walks. Movies. A book. Hot tea. I'll be on the computer, off and on.

Since last weekend worked out rather well, please feel free to comment about anything you like whether I've mentioned it here or not. Seriously. Any topic. I'll type back to you. Others might do the same. Last weekend, there was some interesting discussion going on. :)

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Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

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More on romance and commodification...

Okay. So I suspect we've all ascertained by now that I am a rather unusual person. My perspectives are decidedly off-beat on a variety of topics but in thinking about some of this last night, I came to the conclusion that much of it surrounds the issue of craving.

I can look back over the fairly significant number of years I've lived and have a vague recollection of craving in my very young years. You know.. as a pre-teen. Somewhere between my tween years and young adulthood, the craving stopped. Note that I differentiate between simple wanting, normal desire and craving. We all "want" or we wouldn't even get out of our chairs.

I'm not a dreamer, not one who puts much stock in dreams. Ambition doesn't seem to be a part of my personality construct. For the most part, I'm pretty content with what comes along and in a material sense, my needs are minimal. My life is simple and satisfying. Aside from missing Thailand, I can't complain about much. The things I choose to change in my life are ordinary engineering problems that have to be solved. How to get from Point A to Point B. I look for the most logical and reasonable solution to any perceived lack I experience in my life. Meanwhile, I evaluate the potential solution within the context of my ethical and moral system and choose an action.

Many of the comments in response to my post yesterday dealt with the issue of "sparks" and feeling "love" at first sight. I am not questioning the authenticity of anyone else's experience but I truly don't understand it. I feel kinship with certain people I meet but I can't wrap my mind around the kind of craving or attachment that most people consider to be essential to a romantic relationship. I love my friends but that comes from getting to know them, building a history and building trust.

What most describe as "romance" feels clingy and sounds a lot like craving. Frankly, I find it such an odd concept that it's difficult to even write about it. It's like trying to describe something I've never seen.

From an observer's point of view, what I see is a commodification of everything in that arena, from meeting to sex. People gather in certain places, use Internet dating sites and an assortment of other outlets with their laundry list of expectations (planned resentments) in hand, looking each other over as though it was a car auction. Women and men both primp, strut and present an image of themselves that is often unrealistic. Women are expected to meet an unrealistic standard of beauty. We are expected to paint our bodies with products designed to make us look different than we actually are. (I hate make-up. Sorry, ladies..) Men are expected to perform in equally demeaning ways. There is a marketing of the Self that seems odd, something that sucks the humanity out of us. It sets us up for frustration and failure because it is not authentic.

That is what I find demoralizing, demeaning and repulsive.

I appreciate KC's observations very much because I resonate to biological determinism. When everything is crunched down, I believe we'll find that brain chemicals and brain function drives most of our behaviors.

My inability to relate to that particular aspect of life could be something as simple as brain deficiency. It could be that my brain doesn't produce those chemicals. Although I must honestly confess that I believe what surrounds me in many ways has blunted it.


Peace,


~Chani

Space Cadets...

It's raining this morning. That's quite a change from the past dry spell which left most of us feeling like we were in a warp of some kind. Maybe a black hole? Worm hole?

What's that about space?

Yesterday, I heard the story of Lisa Nowak repeated many times and it got me thinking.

It has all the titillating elements of a bad novel. Stalking, love triangle, attempted murder, woman scorned, jealousy, on and on. Weird thing is the human heart. It is strange what we'll believe when it comes to "love" relationships.

And it's simply impossible for me to imagine how anyone could want something so badly that she'd drive 900 miles, wearing an adult diaper to avoid bathroom breaks, just to meet up with the "other woman" in Florida and confront her. Jealousy run amok. Emotions out of control.

I can honestly say that I have never craved another human being enough to commit a crime. I've never wanted a material object so much that I would be willing to commit a crime. There's something so inherently evil about craving to that degree.

Lisa Nowak is someone who seemingly "had it all". She's reasonably attractive, had an awesome job that very few can even dream about, three kids, a home and family. Yet she would sacrifice all of that for the attention of a man?

It seems apparent that she had some kind of mental breakdown, a psychotic episode. That, I absolutely believe. It's behavior so out-of-character for her (that we know of anyway) that it's apparent something went horribly wrong internally. It's the subtext that has me thinking.

I so completely have the right to have what I want, no matter who I hurt and no matter what I ruin in the process, that I can take these actions and they are justified.

Even a psychotic episode can't conceal the way we look at the world. Just listen to the rantings of any paranoid schizophrenic. A psychotic episode is an extrapolation of our fundamental way of looking at the world.

I can't wrap my mind around it.

Interesting topic. What say you?


Peace,


~Chani