Setting boundaries....

If you could entirely remove one personal characteristic, what would it be?

For me, it would be anger. For all these years of living, boundary-setting is still really hard and I allow myself to reach critical mass before saying anything. Today I had an incident which is not worth recounting here but I finally had to take a stand about something, about reciprocity, and it seems I couldn't do it without getting really mad first.

The thing is that anger rarely reaches anyone. It alienates them. When I spoke words of anger to the person I was talking to, I'm sure from her end it became like the old Gary Larson cartoon of the owner talking to his dog. He was telling the dog what he expected and all the dog could hear was "blah blah blah blah Ginger blah blah blah Ginger blah blah blah."

I suspect that is what people hear when we get angry with them.

On some level, asking for reciprocity is hard for me. Gawd... martyr complex. (Just came to my mind.) I hope it's not that - but can't swear to it. Anyway, asking for reciprocity has always felt very strange, kind of like having to ask for something as basic as common courtesy.

I would like to hear from some of you on this. How do you ask for reciprocity? Meaning basically this: when we talk, we both talk, we talk about things that are of interest to both of us, the whole conversation isn't about you, the whole conversation isn't about me, the conversation doesn't occur only when I have something you want and the conversation doesn't only occur when you have something I want. We are kind to each other. We remember each other's birthdays and significant events. If one of us is sick, we ask about each other's health. If one of us needs to vent, the other listens without judging and without trying to "fix" it. In other words, we respect each other - as real people.

Okay. Lay it on me, oh wise ones.

Speaking of birthdays, Tuesday is this blogger's birthday. Go on over and wish her a good one. :)

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