Finding Purpose....

I'm finding that I don't have much to say lately.

Believe it or not, I spent last night reading "The Purpose-Driven Life" which although a thoroughly Christian book, includes many universal principles as well and emphasizes that we all have a reason for being here. It presents a formula for finding it based on Biblical principles. It was quite popular a few years back and I bought it at that time. It's been gathering dust on my bookshelf after both of my house mates read it. I didn't touch it until recently.

If I were to say that Christian thought has brought nothing to my life, I would be lying. The fact is that I've gotten much value from it. One of the greatest things is the entire concept of universal principles and the fact that there is something to learn from everything.

One day while musing with Pastor Jones, someone with whom I have a casual friendship (which means I love shooting the breeze with him about religion) he gave me a website that is supposed to help us discover our individual spiritual gifts.

It was an interesting little test which told me that I am a teacher and an exhorter. The questions can be answered in any context. Since I am not an evangelical Christian, I answered them in the context of my political and cultural viewpoints. The descriptions of the gifts sounded on-target.

(If you want to take the test, click on "website" rather than my link in the last paragraph which are general descriptions.)

One of the things I've been feeling strongly lately is that I don't have much purpose. It's like I'm waiting, waiting, waiting. I can't get past the feeling that my life will begin when I get to Thailand. I have a need to be around likeminded others where I can share a common worldview and use my talents to contribute to that. That is how I get my reinforcement and we are better prepared to act when we have reinforcement.

I feel rather empty and useless here. One day passes after another and each one is the same. I'm bored with myself and with my existence which is why I don't seem to have as much to say here. I've spilled the contents of my philosophical repertoire, have made the points I can make in what often feels like a "foreign" environment. (I say that advisedly, only to indicate that my worldview is very different from the environment where I am living.) It feels as though I am not growing very much because we grow by experience, not just sitting around.

And that frustrates me horribly. Sometimes it even begins to depress me because I do want to be contributing something. It seems these days that I am only coasting and that's a rather hollow way to live.

Bleh!

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