On giving and taking advice....

Thanks to all who responded to my post yesterday.

It got me thinking about something. When I called Ajahn S., I knew for certain that I would do whatever he said. That, in my mind, is the primary point of asking for advice and allowing ourselves to listen to another person, acknowledging that he or she might have more wisdom than we do.

Last night, I was listening to talk radio and came upon a program where some woman was advising callers on a variety of topics.

The core message in all of her responses was "you have to do what's right for you".

Excuse me?

Now, if I knew what to do, I'd f***ing do it, right? If I knew what was right for me, I wouldn't be on the phone!

It seems we are reluctant to give real advice to each other. Between political correctness and supposed respect for all points of view, we've forgotten an essential part of being in this world together. We've forgotten that guidance is just as important in our lives as being heard now and then when we want to vent.

It's important to know the difference. I often ask people what they want before they start talking and fashion my response accordingly.

There's a normal hierarchy that developes among us. Some of us need guidance. Some give guidance. Some do a little of both. We all have our special areas of knowledge so there is no such thing as someone who is not capable of giving advice to others. Whether it's something as simple as how to make pumpkin bread or how to save a relationship, anyone who has been living on this planet has some knowledge to share.

When I met Ajahn S., I was new to Thai culture and beliefs. It seemed I was learning something new every day.

And no one was reluctant to inform me when I screwed up!

Least of all, him!

Yet I watched his life, the way he thinks, the way he reacts, the way he believes, the way his life is a shining example of all the best that culture and way of life have to offer. He just exudes spirituality and wisdom. His commitment to traditionalism and "old school" values is beyond question. His daily life is an example for all of us.

He doesn't chatter. He speaks four languages but uses all of them sparingly. He quietly listens and thoughtfully replies and is rarely off-target. That comes from his many years as an observer of life and people.

If he had said to me, "Well, ya know, you have to do what's right for you", I would have been pretty damned upset. It probably would have pushed me over the edge. At the moment I was talking with him, my idea of what was right for me was to go across the street, buy a bottle of Tanqueray and get smashed. I would hope that anyone who knows me and even cares about me casually would not say they "respect" my decision as though it an acceptable option. It was not an option and if I hadn't been in some pretty serious pain, it wouldn't have even come to my mind.

All of this to say that I hope we will all be a bit more willing to risk sharing our knowledge with others, with being a bit more pro-active in making a difference. That is part of the contract, as far as I'm concerned, of sharing this planet. It's part of the human-being contract, something we all can do for each other.

We might be wrong on occasion. Ultimately each person will decide for herself whether or not the advice has merit but giving advice is never wrong ~ and it's never disrespectful ~ unless it is unsolicited.

Just my humble opinion... :)


Peace,

~Chani