After my weird encounter with the Might Be Stalker From Hell, I got to thinking about something.
One of the things that annoyed me a great deal in his conversations were the questions. "Did you think about me?" "Have you been thinking about me since we talked?" It didn't make me feel any desire. It just made me want to smack him. If I was willing to completely toss my Buddhist card in the fireplace, I might have said, "Yes. I thought about what an insecure dolt you are."
This led me to remember something. I have not been in a "romantic" relationship for quite a while now. When I did do that sort of thing, one of the conflicts I usually had with potential partners was the fact that I have a strong stoic streak.
My ex-husband complained of that, too. He felt that I didn't express myself openly enough. He used to say that the only way I would express intimacy was in the bedroom. (And he was complaining??? :)
Yet I am left with a real conflict between saying and doing. Saying is easy. Dumping an avalanche of feeling-talk is relatively easy. I prefer to show love through my actions. I'm not a particularly sentimental person which doesn't mean that I don't love. Actually, I do. Rather strongly. It just means I don't find it necessary to talk about it.
I'm always reminded of the scene in Fiddler on the Roof between Tevye and Goldie. Tevye asks Goldie if she loves him. She responds:
I have never been one to express feelings openly. It doesn't seem to be a part of me and being asked to do so (put on the spot) makes me squirm.
How about you? Do you think "saying it" is important?
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