Hot flashes of red and yellow....

Last night, I got furious with someone.

Knock down, drag-out, clouds parting.. rage.

It doesn't matter why or to whom. It only matters that apparently there is still a store of rage within me and whenever it gets tapped, I have physical and emotional consequences. That kind of rage releases all sorts of toxins into our bodies.

It was ugly. I was ugly. I was a foul-mouthed shrew and can't even remember now the majority of what I said.

The person with whom I got so angry was asked for forgiveness and gave it.

The point is that today I have no energy. I've been entertaining myself on Yahoo Answers, mindlessly answering one right after the other, anything to distract myself from the ugliness I manifested, knowing that it came from the bowels of my being. I'm not a kid anymore and these are the kinds of things that bring about heart attacks and strokes. At one point, I could only see white spots, black and white. I thought I was a goner. I couldn't catch my breath.

I thought I'd evolved beyond this, that no one and nothing could possibly bring it out again.

And today I am spent. There's nothing left. Just the remnants. Inside of me is a war zone.. broken pieces scattered around on the landscape of who I thought I had become.
~*