Letting go....

Sometimes it's really hard to tell when it is time to let go, when the moment has come that it is appropriate and right.

I woke up in the middle of the night and knew the time had come to let my father go. (For those who haven't been reading here very long, my father committed suicide in April.) It hit me not like a lightening bolt but with an internal peace.

For the past few months, there has been a lot of emotional housecleaning to do. Between talking to members of my family, long estranged, and dealing with the disparity between their beliefs and mine, it has been a challenge to gather us together for the final stages of this passage.

In short, it hasn't been possible. We all have to do this our own way.

In the middle of the night, I crawled around in the garden and clipped enough flowers to make a garland. I came back inside and sat by candlelight to make it. Finally, I put on a black tunic, a white blouse and a black ankle-length skirt. I wore two of my amulets, both which have relevance for this kind of thing. Barefoot, I went back out to the gazebo, placed a candle, some incense and his picture on a makeshift altar within the garland. I lit the incense and the candle.

I got down on the ground and bowed, holding one stick of incense in my hands, palms together. I chanted and prayed for his peaceful passage into the spirit world. I also thanked him for trying to do the best he could for us, even with his limitations. In the final analysis, we all do the best we can, even when our best doesn't always produce the best outcome. I expressed my gratitude for the lessons learned, expressly or by default. Karma can be a difficult thing and the lessons are not always easy. Our path this time was not.

I burned the picture.

I sat in the dark for a while, holding the ashes. I put them in a small container. I honored the container, brought it into the house and put it on a high shelf.

Without bothering to get undressed, I got back in bed and went back to sleep.

Another passage complete. Another karmic lesson. For both of us.


Peace,


~Chani