Answer as though you are not afraid....

This morning, I was searching around through various blogs and came upon Frida's site. She encourages everyone to answer 35 questions that were originally published in Vanity Fair.

I am always reluctant to answer these kinds of questions. It seems as though they presuppose certain answers. Those answers are not typically my answers. I'm always concerned that my answers will accentuate my eccentricity which is difficult for some people to deal with. They want and expect me to be more mainstream, more predictable, more "normal".

Lately, I've been coming to understand that I will never be a "normal" person. I will always be offbeat and unpredictable. The things I value and love are different than what most people who surround me value and love.

And that's okay.

I'd encourage everyone to answer these questions, too, and peel back a layer. Answer as though you are not afraid of what others will think.


1. What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Being surrounded by geographic beauty. Being surrounded by people who know how to love. Peace. A world without competition, power-brokering and self-centeredness. I look forward to a world one day where differences will be embraced and celebrated.

2. What is your greatest fear?

Being abandoned and completely alone. I remember too vividly what that was like and it is the stuff of nightmares.

3. Which living person do you most admire?

Thich Nhat Hahn. The reason for that is that he is able to present universal truths that transcend religious views and cultural semantics. Everyone can relate to his message.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Cynicism.

5. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Cruelty

6. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

"Hard working". Hitler was hard-working. It says nothing about integrity or kindness. "Cheerfulness" for the same reason.

7. On what occasion do you lie?

When the truth would be cruel or demeaning to another.

8. What do you dislike most about your appearance?

I'm too heavy. It's not that I care what anyone else thinks about my weight but I am not happy with it. (Working on it. :)

9. What is your greatest regret?

I don't think regret is useful. It's a mental trick we play on ourselves but it is truly useless.

10. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

I don't think I have found that yet. Additionally, I have such a hard time weighing and measuring these things. At the moment I am loving someone or something, it is intense and complete.

11. Which talent would you most like to have?

The ability to write a book ~ a good book.

12. What is your current state of mind?

Currently, I am being plagued by a low-level dysthymia.

13. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would be a more joyful person.

14. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Surviving and coming out the other side of a very difficult and vacant past without turning to bitterness or meanness as a means of coping. Sobriety. It would have been so easy to stay drunk.

15. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

I believe I would come back as a monk. Seriously. I really am a rather monastic person now by nature. Most of the things "of the world" are not of much interest to me.

16. What is your most treasured possession?

The journals of a very wise former friend who is now on the Other Side.

17. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

No longer recognizing the inherent good in other people or myself.

18. Where would you like to live?

Northern Thailand.

19. What is your most marked characteristic?

Stubbornness, eccentricity, persistence, a willingness to stand up for the things I believe most strongly. Compassion and empathy drive those qualities. I truly care about other human beings and animals. On the negative side, I can be very single-minded and rather judgemental.

20. Who are your favorite writers?

There are simply too many to narrow it down to a few.

21. Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

Anne of Green Gables. She was so wonderfully good-natured and resilient. She was joyful.

22. Who are your heroes in real life?

Of course, my first would be Ajahn S who was able to dig through all the crap in my life and point me in the right direction. I am alive today because of him. He has truly been my "angel". The remainder of my heroes include all of those who are overcomers.

23. What is it that you most dislike?

Meanness, self-centeredness, pettiness, competitiveness

24. What is your motto?

“Be the change you want to see in the world”

25. Favorite Journey?

Walking along a certain path in Khon Kaen with Ajahn S.

26. What do you value most in your friends?

Kindness, commitment, passion, reliability

27. Which words or phrases do you must overuse?

I can't think of any offhand.

28. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Joan of Arc. Okay. Go ahead and laugh. :)

29. What is your greatest extravagance?

Books, clothes

30. If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

That they would learn some of life's more critical lessons and choose to be more loving people.

31. What is your favorite occupation?

Writing

32. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Kindness

33. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Kindness

34. How would you like to die?

In my sleep.. in Thailand

35. If you could chose what to come back as, what would it be?

A person. I would like to come back as a person who can offer more to the world than I can in this incarnation.

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Please let me know if you decide to answer these questions. I'd love to read your answers.

Others who have answered the questions:

Home in Kabul

Rickshaw Diaries

Guilty With An Explanation

Living Next Door To Alice

FlutterCrafts

Madness, Madness I Say


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Steal this Meme: Meeting New People

I blatantly stole this idea from QT and turned it into a meme. For some reason, the idea fascinated me, speculating what it would be like to meet new people, particularly people I "know" from this blog.

Here's me, in a nutshell.

1) I am a very quiet person. There are points where you might feel as though I am not interested in you because I am rather reserved. You'd be wrong. I am more of a listener than a talker. Just keep talking away because I am not bored. Not a bit. (Well, unless you are gossiping or trying to impress me with your status. Talk about yourself, though. I like it.)

2) I am not good at quipping and joking with people I don't know, so I generally don't participate. It's fine with me if others do it in my presence. I just don't join in much.

3) I don't drink.. but don't mind if you do. I don't smoke in public but don't mind if you do.

4) If there is too much ambient noise, I won't be able to hear you. I'm not hearing impaired. If anything, my hearing is too keen and can't distinguish external sounds from each other. It all blends together.

5) I prefer small, intimate conversations or round table topical discussions. One or the other. I am not good at chatting, just to chat.

6) I am not a hugger or a toucher. I do not shake hands.. but I have been known to hold a person's hand in both of mine for just a moment.

7) Groups of three don't work for me. Four, five or even six.. or just one other person is good.

8) I've been known to say I am going to the rest room, leave my card with the waiter and pay for the meal. It's not uncommon and I like it best when it is not mentioned. I paid. Period. It doesn't imply that you should pay next time. Score keeping irritates me. Don't tell me I shouldn't. It's my choice and my enjoyment. Just accept it, enjoy it and forget it.

9) I am soft-spoken and even-tempered. I am never loud or boisterous. I rarely swear unless I am very comfortable with you. If you hear a swear word come from my lips, you know you've won me over. And I will only do it if you have done it first.

10) People either seem to like me or find me unbearably boring. It all depends on what someone is looking for, I suppose.

It would be interesting to hear from you, too. What would it be like to meet you?

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. See you Sunday evening. :)


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Steal This Meme!

I have stolen this meme with the permission of Slouching Mom, who is the last person I can imagine "slouching". Taking a meme with permission is a variation, but still under the umbrella of the "Steal This Meme" game, during which I scour blogs all over the Internet, looking for one I can flagrantly snarf. No meme is safe!

Anyway, on with the meme.

This one is about high school. Yeek! Not what I would call my wonder years but there are some things worth remembering.

Now for the questions:


1) Who was your best friend?


Her name is Frankie... assuming she has not changed it to the more adult "Frances" by now. I liked her very much because she was, like me, an outcast by choice. She was overweight, not all that pretty and smart! Oh, that girl was so smart! And witty. She had a dark sarcastic remark for everyone and everything. She was the Queen of Adolescent Angst. Time with Frankie was destined to be time full of laughter.

She wrote a lot. Journals, articles, just-because writing. It was always rather mysterious and dark, probing into the depths of the occult, the culture, the waythingsare and her perspectives were always a bit ahead of her time.

Geez, she was a punk before her time. That's really it. If the punk movement had been in our time, Frankie would have been perfect for it.

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2. What sports did you play?


None

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3. What kind of car did you drive?


When I was 16, my parents bought me a Toyota Corolla. It was torquoise-ish. It really was a cute little car, but not quite up to the status many of the other students drove. But I didn't care. It was mine and I finally had blessed mobility, a way out of the gilded ghetto and if my parents had known some of the places I took that car (um... Imperial Highway?), they would have murdered me ~ and probably gotten away with it.

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4. On Friday night, where were you?


I was either with Frankie or my boyfriend, Ted. Ted was 22 years old. He would have gone to jail today for being with someone so young but I will report that he was a perfect gentleman all the time. Well, there was the beer ... but that's another issue. We used to go to drive-in movies on Friday night and get completely ripped on beer.

One weekend, Ted was invited over for a welcome-home party my parents threw for my cousin who came back from Viet Nam and decided to settle in California. Ted and I both got so drunk that we threw up in the rose bushes.

That was life with him. Like me, he was a budding alcoholic. :)

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5. Were you a party animal?


No way. I was just as much a social phobic then as I am today.

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6. Were you a flirt?


Absolutely not. I wouldn't have known how to flirt if someone had begged me. Seriously. Not one of my skills. Flirting made me very uncomfortable.

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7. Were you in band, orchestra or choir?


No. 'Fraid not. I had just as much of an aversion to organized activities in high school as I do today. I didn't want anyone telling me where I had to be at any certain time.

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8. Were you a nerd?


Absolutely. All the way. I was always studying, reading, writing and pursuing other such nerdly activities.

I did start an underground newspaper at the school. Well, Frankie and I did. Once the school administration discovered it, that came to a screeching and howling end.

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9. Did you get suspended/expelled?


Yes. And to many of the younger people who read here, this will sound very funny.

Jan, Frankie, another Jan and I were all suspended for.....

..... wearing pants to school.

Back in those days, girls were not allowed to wear pants to school. It must have been 1968. I believe that was the year and we mounted quite a protest about not being able to wear pants. Finally, we just did it.

We got sent home and suspended. Gee, such punishment, you know, having to lay around by the pool and read books for a week. I suffered horribly!

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10. Can you sing the fight song?


Oh, crikey! No! I'd rather swallow broken glass!


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11. Who was your favorite teacher?


Her name was Ms. Anderson. Yes, I do know her first name but if she's retired somewhere, I'd rather she not find this in a Google search. Her name was unusual.

She taught classes such as Psychology, Journalism and the like. I thought she was the smartest person I'd ever met. She also had a great appearance, the high-level hippie, bohemian look. Seriously, she was a smart woman. If I had to make a wild guess, I think she was probably gay.

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12. The school mascot?


Normans. Why do I remember that? That's probably more a sign of pathology than any other of my weird neurotic quirks.

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13. If you could go back, would you?


Absolutely not. Never. I didn't consider it a very good time in my life for a variety of reasons. It's not that the school was inherently bad. We never had Columbine-style shootings or any kind of physical danger. I just don't like dealing with large groups that way and having to fit in. I also, not surprisingly, don't care much for authority that is meant to control rather than teach.

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14. What do you remember about graduation?


Nothing. I wasn't there. Actually, I graduated two months early with special permission. I'd fulfilled my academic requirements and I got my mother to lie for me, saying we were going on an early vacation.

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15. Where were you on senior skip day?


Hanging out by the pool with Frankie and Jan.

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16. Did you have a job your senior year?


Yes. I did. I worked at a theater concession stand in the city where I lived. (Deezee, you probably know where. :) It was a fun job and I saw all the latest movies free.

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17. Where did you most often go for lunch?


Believe it or not, the cafeteria. It was quite good food and it was reasonably priced.

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18. Have you gained weight since then?


Um. Yes. When I was in high school, I was 5'3" and 96 pounds. Being perfectly blunt about it, there are two of me now.

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19. What did you do after high school?


The first summer... nothing but travel. It was a traditional graduation gift. Then I got a job and went to college.

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20. When did you graduate?


1969

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21. Who was your senior prom date?


Didn't go. If I had, I would have gone with Ted.

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22. Are you going/did you go to your 10-year reunion?


No. No interest. I'm sure they all went on to live glorious lives and the greatest concern in their lives is whether or not someone will try to invade their neighborhood with a Starbucks... but I'm truly not interested in them.

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23. Who was your homeroom teacher?


I don't recall. Homeroom was the equivalent of Siberia for teachers so it was probably whoever had gotten him- or herself into political hot water that week.

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24. Who will repost this after you?


Anyone who chooses. There is not a single person whose answers would not be of interest.

So, please.... steal this meme!


Peace,


~Chani

Steal This Happy Pink Fluffy Meme!

This meme comes from Kaliroz at Fortune and Glory. It's a fun one. I've been seeing it around quite a bit today. Steal it. Have fun with it!


~*Favorite Bubble bath book ~*~ Well, I'm not much for bubble baths but when relaxing in water (which I hope is equivalent :), I like to read long historical novels. My most recent favorite is Four Reigns by Kukrit Pramoj. It takes me to another place and another time.


~*Favorite get your groove on tune ~*~ Hips Don't Lie by Shakira. I use it for exercise a lot. I will never have Shakira's agility but it must be doing something for my hips. Pray the neighbors don't see me. It might hurt their eyes.


~*Character you always wanted to be [from t.v., film or books] ~*~ Anne from Anne of Green Gables. I love her pleasant nature, her adaptability, her curiosity, her confidence. She is everything I was not as a kid.


~* Best lullaby - Lucia Hwong or Ray Lynch.



~* Most self-indulgent thing you do -- I like to garden for hours with mor lum music on the CD player. In fact, I just discovered Jonny Olsen, a guy as white as me, as white as plucked poultry, who plays the khaen better than most natives. I play his music constantly in the yard. It probably makes the neighbors want to call the cops on me since most of them seem to prefer blasting their own type of music.
~* T.V. show you're ashamed to admit you watch -- House. I am hooked beyond description. I'm glad they don't have it on every night like the CSI- Major City series. It would be like dragging a bottle of Absolut through an AA meeting.


~*Teen celebrity crush -- Barbra, of course. I would have become a lesbian for Barbra Streisand!

~*The piece of jewelry [outside of any wedding or engagement rings]you always wear: Thai jewelry. Even on days when I am not going out, I still wear my rings, a pendant and two amulets.


~*Blog or website you're ashamed to admit you visit -- www.oprah.com


~*Favorite chick flick -- I'm not sure if this qualifies as a "chick flick", but I like "Fried Green Tomatoes".


~*Favorite daytime t.v. to watch when slugging around the house -- Court TV. I'm fascinated by the live trials. It's an addiction I developed in Tucson, when the OJ trial was going on.


~*Best song to be sad to -- Who Wants To Live Forever - Shirley Bassey






~*Food you could never get enough of -- Som-tam, Satay chicken, sticky rice



~*One movie star on your *list* -- Do you mean one who can leave his boots on my welcome mat any time? Um. Would have to say Ice-T. Weird, I know... but for some reason, I think he is beautiful. The little lisp in his voice sends me over the moon. But some things last a lifetime. I'd still become a lesbian for Barbra Streisand!



~*Your theme song -- One More Look At You/Watch Closely Now - Barbra Streisand


Peace,


~Chani