Doesn't Play Well With Others....

Okay. I admit it. I don't play well with others.

That isn't to say I am obnoxious or mean. It doesn't imply that I am not cooperative. I am probably overly cooperative.

But I simply can not bring myself to go along with something, just because someone somewhere wants me to do so.

I have to believe it. I have to feel it. It has to mean something to me.

And yet this comes in conflict to a degree with what a good and trusted friend called "doing what's right for the community."

I am willing to follow rules. In fact, I like rules. I like rules because they enhance harmony. If we all know what is expected of us, it's much easier to get along. Rules free us from too much frivolous choice-making that interferes with getting to the heart of any matter, getting to the important stuff.

Where I part company apparently is with group activities. They've never appealed to me because there's something about groupthink and group dynamics that just. leave. me. cold.

Where is this incomprehensible tirade coming from?

It comes from a discussion I have been having via email with Ajahn S about holidays.

I hate to think I might be a cultural dissident, even in the culture I chose, the one I value so highly that I turned my life inside out to be a part of it, but it seems that some inherent personality traits are more powerful than my commitment to fitting in. I've been extraordinarily lucky in fitting in to that culture. It seems to have happened by some power beyond me. That is how natural it seems. I love that way of life. At the same time, I can't bring myself to engage in ritual that doesn't feed my soul. That is especially true when I can't see how it is feeding anyone's soul.

Maybe I am too cynical. Maybe I'm too analytical. Maybe I'm just a royal pain in the ass.

The truth is that holidays simply don't speak to me on a personal level. Not here. Not there.

S. believes that sometimes we have to do what's best for the community, even if we don't really want to do it. I believe that. There are many cases where the community comes before the individual. In that, I am totally committed to not doing anything that harms community.

Yet when it comes to group celebration, I find it exceedingly easy to say no, to walk away and to ignore it. Completely. Not in a hostile "this is stupid" kind of way but simply in a "this doesn't interest me" way. I will admit honestly that I lose no sleep over this.

I don't see this as harmful to community in any way. No one is going to go to bed hungry or sleep on the street because Chani doesn't care about group celebrations. No one is going to be hurt because I don't care.

S. is implying or perhaps just suggesting (kindly, of course) that it is self-indulgent on my part to hold this view.

I would be curious to hear what others think. Honesty or self-indulgence? (I won't be offended by either answer.)

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