Running In Circles Before Laying Down.....

I've been back a little over 28 hours now. Still tired. A bit weepy. I can't seem to let go of what I left behind.

Within minutes of getting back, I was changing the locks on a house, helping with an eviction. It's rather amusing in its own bizarre way. I was breaking into a house with the consent of the police. In fact, one was standing there as I did it. I'd called the police department for a lockout escort, the squatter's parole officer and organized the next steps since the judgment came in while I was gone.

It's not my house. I was helping someone else who had squatters take over the property. They stayed there for two months rent-free and did a fair amount of damage before leaving. The landlord won in this case and got a judgment against them. Not that it will do much good since the squatters were both criminals and have no visible means of support.

The point is that I was barely off the plane before having to act as someone else's enforcer.

If not me, who? That seems to be a chronic situation.

I came back when we were done and fortunately was able to relax in front of the TV. Watched the Grammys. Watched. Didn't comprehend. Didn't care.

It was rather surprising that I thought to do all the appropriate things before I left which made it possible to not care. The only casualty was some nasty fruit in the refrigerator. Everything else was orderly.

Not bad, considering what it could have been.

And I sit here tonight, heart still at my home in Thailand, trying to accept that this will be it for the next several months at the minimum. It will take that long to clean everything up so that I can return, free of all obligations here.

My home in Thailand is a quiet but full place. It is a house on stilts with a balcony that has a panoramic view of a large field. Each morning I got up, made tea and would sit out there, meditating on the grove of trees. The air wasn't heavy - nor was it light. The color of the sky looked like warm honey.

I could smell animals and jasmine. Plumeria. Unknown flora. The sun came up as I sat there, listening to the sounds and feeling the air around me. It was fairly warm. People started to come and go, often waving to me as they walked by, on their way to their jobs or some other activity. Kids walked in groups to school.

The visit was absolutely wonderful, having solidified and expanded the relationships I established six years ago. The absence didn't dim our draw to each other. If anything, it was enhanced.

Children that I once held on my hip are now in school. They showed me their school work and I taught them funny words in English, like "hippopotamus", "mosquito" and "nose". They giggled delightedly which brought me delight, too.

The older ones are already speaking English and we had interesting conversations. They expressed themselves very well, including abstract concepts. It was wonderful to know what they were thinking. Our discussions covered the gambit.. from history to philosophy.

In the afternoons, we went shopping, walking, eating ~ all the while catching up on our lives and making plans for the future. It all seems so natural, so right. When all is said and done, we are related even though we share not one strand of DNA.

I miss it. Terribly. Already. I have no words.
~*