Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Now for the news....

Now that the more philosophical discussions are over, I wanted to tell everyone how the surgery went.

I arrived at 6.00 AM by cab. By 7.00 AM, I was in the operating room. Not bad, all told.

While I lay there awake, I was able to see the surgeon scrape away the cataract with his magical instrument. If you can imagine what it looks like from the inside of a car with iced and snowy windows, watching someone scrape the window from the outside, that is how it appeared to me as the cataract dissolved.

I couldn't believe the depth of my sight after he was done. I saw color for the first time in a few years through that eye. I still can not read through it but distant vision is fairly sharp. Glasses are still in my future. (That's totally okay.)

At my post-op check-up yesterday morning, both the surgeon and I were amazed at how quickly the eye was healing.

My vision is completely restored though. I am no longer legally blind.

This morning, for the first time, I went out to look at the garden at the side of the house. It was beautiful! I will take some pictures of it in the next few days.

I'm very happy with the results. Very.

After the events of the past few days ~ my family news, Virginia Tech and the surgery, I am feeling rather spent.. exhausted. Today's Justice v. Forgiveness roundtable is going to have to be the last venture into deep thought for the next few days. My body reacts very strongly to drugs of any kind and the anesthesia is still in my system. I'm still in recovery mode.

~*

On an unrelated note, today I was very aware of how differently I think from the majority who read these pages. Because of my vulnerability in other areas, it was a bit hard on me. I went to my favorite Dark Place a few times, wondering why I even try and that perhaps I should stop this writing. It only increases my occasional sense of alienation, sometimes when I least need it.

My thinking is part of the transformation I've gone through over the past few years. I knew it was going to be difficult when I took it on. One doesn't adopt an entirely new way of life in middle age and not have some bumpy times. I hope to have more opportunities to share these views, to discuss them, to continue learning from others, both those who think like me.. and those who don't.

I'm aware that some of the things I have to say are foreign, different and perhaps even weird. I hope they are never offensive but have to likewise accept that there are times it might be taken that way. My intent in expressing these things is never to alienate, even when it may appear that way on the surface. It is to compare notes. It is to read what others have to say ~ even when they disagree. I am not afraid of disagreement. I am not afraid of discourse. When I need to think about something a bit more, I'll state that openly.

There is more to say about this but it can wait for another time. I'm tired. All I really want to get across is that my mind is open to reading and discussing all points of view, even if I don't agree. If I challenge a view, it is not to be argumentative. It is not to say my way is better than anyone else's. Today, I've left a few challenging comments ~ not for the purpose of competition or disrespect but in the spirit of discussion.

I hope all know that.. and accept it.


Peace,

~Chani

19 comments:

caro said...

I am very happy to read that the surgery went well. I wish I could be there with you when you see that garden of yours. What a moment that will be. A simple, magigal, perfect moment. Take good care of yourself.

ellie bee said...

sweet chani,
I am so very happy that your eyes are "seeing" again...but, your heart has seen clearer than most for a long time.
Blessings, my friend,
Ellie

flutter said...

I am so happy for your eyeballs! And of course, by extension, you. I am certain everyone knows and accepts your comments as a chance to grow and discuss.

slouching mom said...

That must be so incredible, to be able to see well again. I am so happy for you.

I've never found you offensive in the least. But then again I'm not afraid of a good debate. In fact, I relish one!

meno said...

To be able to see again feels like a miracle!

And, i accept it my dear.

Pam said...

Ccongratulations on the results of your surgery, enjoy your new world! But then, you have always "seen" things quite clearly in your own way.

It's the people who dare to be different, the ones who express their ideas and open up the pathways to discussion and debate that make life interesting. And, often, better.

Many of us march to a different drummer and it's joyful music. As for offending anyone, well, you can't be unique and still please all of the people all of the time.

Bob said...

regaining your sight must seem like an incredible gift - the ability to see the world around you with truly fresh eyes.

I appreciate your view of the world. It gives me perspective.

Mary said...

Chani, it's a blessing to see clearly! It's also a blessing to be able to communicate clearly on your own terms and you do that very well. I'll add it's a blessing for all of us to share our own opinions, peacefully.

jen said...

am very glad things went ok. i was hoping you'd share. how amazing to see color after so long.

i think challenging each other, sharing another point of view, and stirring up debste are all wonderful things...and your style is very communal and open.

capacious said...

I remember the amazement I felt when I first got contact lenses after years of nearsightedness. Trees had separate leaves, not just big blobs of green! I could not stop looking at them. It was the most wonderful feeling. I am thrilled for you that you can see!

Whenver I come across your comments they seem very thoughtful and empathetic. I can't imagine you offending anyone. If you did, I'm sure it was a misunderstanding.

QT said...

Chani - Congratulations on the successful surgery! I am so glad that you decided on it and it turned out well. I hope you continue to recover at an accelerated pace.

I think it is difficult to have a true "debate" via the written word - unfortunately, tone cannot come across, and sometimes a simple statement of fact can come across as superior or condescending. I think MOST of us know the spirit in which you comment, so believe me when I say - no offense ever taken from this corner of the world!

QT said...

OH - Also, I wanted to point you here - I love this blog -she is so peaceful and wonderful!

http://beautythatmoves.typepad.com/beauty_that_moves/

thailandchani said...

Caro.. the garden is very beautiful! It's funny that I planted all of that half blind, not knowing quite how it would turn out. The results were pleasing! :)

~*

Ellie, thanks. :) I like to think I am doing that, saying what I say from the heart and that it will come through.

~*

Flutter, thanks. Sometimes it's a good idea to check and make sure.

~*

SM, I don't mind a good debate, either. If I get in over my head, I have no trouble admitting it ~ and thanking the person for his or her thoughts. It seems so easy really. It's a wonder that it's not standard.

~*

Meno.. thank you. :)

~*

Pam, yes.. it is scary being different. I'm listening this morning to the coverage about Cho.. and the picture created by the words. I'm going to post about that later. Being different...

~*

Bob, it is truly amazing. After being half blind for so long, it was like seeing the world in a whole new way. :)

~*

Mary, agreed. Peacefully being the operative word. I do know how dangerous it can be to say something, be misunderstood and have problems as a result. I try very hard to make sure I'm understood, that nothing I say is meant to alienate, hurt or offend anyone else. Sometimes it takes a long time for me to post in the morning. LOL

~*

Jen, thanks for the confirmation. :)

~*

Capacious, thanks. I haven't gotten any specific feedback from anyone, you know, that I offended her/him. I just wanted to make sure, especially since the discussion over the past few days definitely enters the realm of some cultural difference.

~*

QT, thanks. I try very hard to make sure I don't come across in any condescending or superior manner. I hope my writing reflects that I am just another person out here, trying to make my way ~ like everyone else. :)

Thanks for the blog reference. Yes, it is very beautiful!

~*

Thanks, all :)


Peace,

~Chani

Julie Pippert said...

I'm so glad it went well and you are doing so well with it!

And...somehow, I want to say---with caring and respect---that I don't think you are perceived as left of center as you perceive yourself...by which I mean to say not that your ideas are not unique or sometimes outside of the mainstream of common American culture, but that many identify with, accept, tolerate, and even appreciate your POV---I think more than you realize. Regardless of agreement or disagreement. I think many appreciate intelligent discourse. One of the things that is probably hard for you, in yourself, is also one of the things that makes you so considerate with others: case in point, worrying that it is clear that others know you mean your comments in the spirit of discussion. You're a good egg, Chani.

And the Thainess of last night was spending hours at a great new Thai restaurant/lounge with friends. :)

KC said...

That's wonderful about your restored vision. It's amazing to me that we can do these procedures and really alter people's quality of life. I'm glad it went well!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Chani, I'm thrilled and delighted to hear your marvelous news.

Perhaps this is yet another reason you are still languishing on these shores.

I can't wait to see your photographs. This is truly a miracle.

Thank you so much for sharing.

Susanne said...

Sorry for not having read the comments before me. First, I'm happy for you that your surgery went well. I can imagine how you enjoy seeing right now.

Second, I am valuing your perspective precisely because it is different. I don't agree with everything but I never find you offensive or alienating.

I like it when somebody knows that culture is made by human beings and that one can choose and change.

The Atavist said...

I'm very happy that your operation was a success. Sight has to be one of the most precious senses and it is hard to imagine losing it, even in part.

lu said...

Yeah for you and your sight! all of it!