Somehow, I never thought I would denigrate to toilet hum0r in this space but since the past few days have been spent reading these funny stories on one of my mailing lists, I couldn't resist continuing it here.
The discussion has revolved around individual funny stories about being stuck somewhere and not having a convenient place to relieve oneself.
These women have been telling rip-roaring stories an in an uncharacteristic move on my part, I joined in.
A friend of mine from many years ago had never been out in the "wilds" of anywhere, since she was born and raised in Memphis. One time we went driving and ended up at Chaco Canyon in New Mexico. It was not during tourist season and we hadn't passed a car on the paved road, much less those last miles on the dirt road. At that point, I wasn't going to make it to the information center at the canyon, so I pulled over the car, pulled down my pants and prepared to squat by the side of the road.
Horrified and with wide eyes, she said, "you're going to shine your hiney?"
I laughed so hard I almost fell over. Since that time she's learned to shine her hiney as well.
I have many more of these stories, particularly from my long walks in Thailand.
So tell me your funny story. :)
~*
Now let's see if Google Reader updates this before I am eligible for senior citizen discounts.
~*
Monday, October 15, 2007
Toi1let humor....
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21 comments:
I don't have a funny one for myself, but my dad tells a hilarious one of when he was traveling in Greece. He was in a museum and got an attack of "the runs." He had to get wait in line to get a token from the attendant (who refused to let him skip the line) then he rushed in, only to discover there was no toilet paper. None at all. He rushed out to ask for some, was told there wasn't any (or was misunderstood). Then he had to wait in line again (!) then got in and finally had to give in and use the toilet. He ingeniously then ripped up the bottom of his shirt so he could use it as paper...:)
I imagine he looked very odd walking around the museum with half his shirt missing.
I guess I could tell you about the time I was walking in the woods and used leaves for tp, only to discover that there was poison ivy in the mix.
But I won't because you might laugh at my painful memory.
I was 10. At a family picnic with two other families at a state park. The outhouses were far off so we all would walk into the woods and squat. I climbed the hill full of trees and brush and found a good spot. I held onto a twig for balance, it snapped, and I rolled backwards into a clearing, and continued to roll for about fifteen more feet and there I was, shorts to my knees and shining my hiney to a group of adults and children enjoying dessert.
Got this from the G reader, in case you wish to know. No story, though.
Well, a friend of mine accidentally peed in an ashtray during a 1980s trip behind the Iron Curtain, thinking it was a toilet (Soviet Era public restrooms left something to be desired, so the mistake is not as heinous as it might seem).
Hey, thanks for the blog post idea, Chani! As you might have suspected, I am all about Toi1let humor ;)
I think I mentioned this on my blog before. When I was about 2.5 my mother had successfully toilet trained me. One night I sneaked into the lounge room when I was supposed to be in bed, and there was a comedy show on the tv with Paul Hogan in it - Crocodile Dundee, the guy who throws a shrimp on the barbie in the ads about Australia, you may have seen him. They were doing a skit where a snake jumps out of the toilet and bites someone on the butt. I refused to go near the toilet again for 6 months - I would not even walk past it if the door was open.
My mother has been furious with Paul Hogan ever since. I recently read about a snake in the toilet happening for real in Darwin, because the snake managed to get into the septic tank. Needless to say, we'll always be living where there is actual sewers. ;)
How long did it take in your reader? I was asleep so I don't know..
Cheers,
Snoskred
www.snoskred.org
Once I was peeing in the woods behind the drive-in with a friend, lost my balance and rolled down the hill until a sapling stopped me, knocking the breath out of me. (I'm sure I had long since stopped peeing.) My friend came charging down the hill after me, shouting to know if I was OK. It was hysterically funny at the time, but we probably drunk. OK, definitely. It was not a covert operation.
Ah, no funny story to share. But, throughout China, I found the public pee-drains to be most unpleasant.
No particluar story comes to mind. I have spent lots of time peeing in the woods and so all the usual, peeing on my foot, falling over mid-pee, showing my butt to unsuspecting hikers, it's all happened.
Oh I wish I had some good pee stories but I can't think of any! These are really funny, though.
Hiney shiner!
Funny, also? You really did it, the poop post ;)
Peeing out in the woods at night. Walked away from the campfire to find a spot. Took off my shoes since I had peed on my shoes in the past. Finished. Found one shoe. Other shoe was lost. No, wait, I had somehow kicked it between my legs...and filled it up with pee.
i have honestly peed in all sorts of weird places. in a bucket in Cambodia. on the side of the road in El Salvador. But nothing beats the time i peed in a ziploc baggie in gridlock traffic on the way to a U2 concert at the Forum. (first date and Surprise! no second one)
Thanks for the stories, everyone. It really cracked me up. Maybe I'm going through a second adolescence. :)
Peace,
~Ch
Hee-Hee! Shine your hiney! I've never heard that. I love it.
I've "shined my hiney" all over the state of Vermont since I love the woods so much. My most memorable moment was the time a friend of mine and I were carefully descending a steep incline and I couldn't wait any longer to pee (we'd had a beer while checking out the view at the top) and as I squatted I reached out and grabbed on to a dead stump. Just as she yelled out "don't grab that stump, it isn't stable" it gave way and, with pants around my ankles, I rolled and bounced down the mountainside, knocking her down on my descent. No one was hurt and the laughter that ensued could probably be heard down into the valley.
These stories are a hoot! Thanks! :)
I've always been such a risk aversive person that I can't imagine trying to go out in the woods unless there was truly a place I could hide.
Believe me, no one in his or her right mind wants to see my hiney! LOL
Peace,
~Chani
Hey, I have a pee story!
I got married in my in-laws backyard in the country. We had a big tent, an outdoor dance floor, torches, music, the whole nine yards. Because they live in the country, my in-laws don't have a lot of window coverings. A few friends and I needed to use the facilities after it was dark outside. We headed to a big, second floor bathroom that would accomodate us all, and my bigger-than-usual dress. The bathroom backed onto the yard where wedding guests were mingling. As my friends helped me lift my dress and I lowered my behind onto the toilet I heard my father-in-law coming running into the house shouting my name.
Apparently, with the darkness outside and the light inside, anyone looking up from the yard could see my white bridal butt. Sheesh, I can't even pull off dignified on my own wedding day.
shine your hiney! brilliant....
Hahahaha....
I don't have any great outdoor embarrassment stories but I've used more than my share of very dicey outhouses all over Europe and Japan. And I'd like to note that the back pages of the Let's Go guides (you know, the ones that were blank for "notes"), made very good TP substitutes. Yes, the Greek guide in particular came in very handy....
This was a while ago, though, so maybe it's no longer true. Lonely Planet isn't useful that way, the paper's too thick and shiny.
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