The Family Bed....

This is something I've been wanting to post about for a while but hadn't quite gotten the nerve to do it. After all, I'm not a parent so I have no particular bonafides in this arena but, still, as a community member, I have an opinion.

When Hillary Clinton wrote her book "It Takes A Village", the phrase became a cliche of sorts ~ a lot of lip service to the concept but no practical applications. As I recall, the book didn't come up with anything either.

When I was in Northern Thailand, especially in the villages, one of the things that became immediately apparent is that the children were all well cared for and very secure. They were lovely, well-mannered children who seemed legitimately happy.

The Lanna people, as an example, live in houses with one large room. Everyone lives there together, eats together, sleeps together and neighbors come in and out rather freely. It is not unusual for children to call three or four different women "mae" (mother) and it's quite sincere. They grow up in an environment where they receive the love of the community and are also taught the responsibilities of family and village community life. They have the trust of the elders and have more freedom than perhaps any children in the world. There is always someone around to give them guidance and advice. These factors form, over the growing period, a clear perception of the people and life around them and a solidarity with their fellow villagers that makes them virtually inseparable. There is often a sharing of work, of food, of families and of homes.

I know that is not possible here but there is an idea that has always attracted me. It was under discussion quite a bit several years ago. It is the idea of the Family Bed.

There are many reasons why I believe it is a good idea.

~* It seems to me that babies and children would feel much safer, more secure, at night if they are sleeping in the same room or same bed as their parents, brothers and sisters,

~* Bedtime is less of a struggle because the children are not crying and carrying on because they don't want to be put in a dark room by themselves,

~* It is a bonding thing... It would seem especially important for parents who aren't able to spend as much time with their children as they'd like due to work,

~* Sharing sleep is said to cause children to become more self-confident and independent, despite some arguments to the contrary,

~* Mothers and fathers sleep more easily because they don't have to be worried about their child in another room, and finally,

~* There is some evidence that SIDS deaths are fewer.

More important than any of these cited reasons above though, I think it makes a child feel loved, not forced to behave in a way that he or she may not be mature enough to handle (being alone all night) and helps the child to feel more bonded to the family and a sense of community.

Ideally, of course, the child would be surrounded by grandparents, aunts, uncles and extended family as well to create a community for them but that's not always possible. The Family Bed seems to be one compensation for that.

I'd be interested to hear what others think. :)


Peace,


~Chani

It Takes A Village....

Earlier today, I was wandering around the Internet reading blogs. One was written by a woman who feels very overwhelmed by the constant supervision of her small children. Even though I do not have children, her feelings were entirely understandable.

It got me thinking about kids. They're wonderful little beings ~ so full of hope and possibility. They are so full of future. They're honest and kind.

Well, until the socialization process starts anyway.

I made the conscious choice to not have children for a variety of reasons. I did not have the resources or extended family it takes to raise a child. Being somewhat of an undernourished and unwatered garden myself, I didn't have the emotional or spiritual inner resources to take on that commitment. It's easy to enjoy other people's children, to help with their children, but raising them on my own was too much.

Around the time I graduated high school and headed off for college, the whole social contract began to shift. People started raising children by themselves because they "wanted one". Men didn't seem to be a very important part of the package. They were viewed as "sperm donors". After all, women could have it all... at the same time.

From that point, men, being pushed out of the picture rather brutally, took that to mean their presence was not needed so they took off when it no longer "felt good". People got divorced because "it didn't feel good anymore." People left their extended families for parts unknown because "it didn't feel good to stay here any more."

I don't think too many people in my generation were really concerned about how their kids felt about anything. It was all about us, all the time. Baby Boomer Disease. Me, me, me, me, me. If It Doesn't Feel Good, I Ain't Gonna Do It And If You Don't Like It, Screw You! If there'd been a way to create a tattoo out of that, many of us would probably have it.

It seems the kids pay for this irresponsible attitude. In my personal opinion, children really do need a large family presence. They need Grandma, Grandpa, uncles, aunts and cousins. It teaches them how to function within a group, how to relate to others and how to have a sense of community. Additionally, it helps the mothers with young children to have a needed respite, a break, from the constant supervision. It's balance.

It would be interesting to hear from mothers about this. I am shooting into the wind here, not being a parent so it's easy for me to deal in generalizations and platitudes. It would be enlightening to hear how mothers and fathers feel about this.

What say you, oh, fountains of wisdom?


Peace to all ~


~Chani