Ego, Ego, on the wall....

" Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,
but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,
but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved,
but for the patience to win my freedom."
Shantideva

One of the greatest struggles I've had since I returned from Thailand is the ability to release ego. This doesn't mean, by the way, becoming a blob without identity. It means a willingness to give up the idea that we have to somehow be something special, that we have to be better than someone else to have significance.

I was trained, like most of us in the US and other western countries, to believe these things, that we have to be the best and the brightest. We have to be "popular" ... in demand by others. If we don't achieve that, we fall into the rank of "loser", those people who are socially invisible. No one wants to be invisible, unknown and unloved.

I know this makes me unhappy. It makes everyone unhappy. The constant attachment to every outcome is draining. We are never satisfied because we never feel as though we are enough. This makes the producers who want us to consume very happy. We are never enough, we have to have, be and do more. They have a product to help us do that.

Whether it is a tangible product or an ideology, it ultimately leads back to the same thing. "Let me help you be more than you are. I can help you get rid of those yellow teeth. I can help you lose that fat. I can make you desirable. Read my book. Buy my exercise video. Buy my ideology. I've packaged it for you. It's easy and you'll see fast results"

Because another thing is that we can't stand to wait for anything. It has to be right now!

So, we're trained to constantly crave. If that craving isn't satisfied, we become unhappy.

We become unhappy and want to be soothed. So we buy more products, intellectual or tangible, so that we'll feel better.

In the late 70s, I took a course called EST (Erhardt Seminars Training). We all sat in a big room, crammed together, and were told that all we had to do to "win" at "the game of life" was to be something which would in turn cause us to do the right things and then we would have what we want most.

It was based on the Law of Attraction which has been used over the years by plenty of shucksters in different packaging for the masses. If you want something badly enough, you can have it. Secular prosperity theology.

EST was just another spin on the same old thing. Be. Do. Have.

And the white male trainer would tell you in a booming voice that you were an "asshole" if you didn't "get it".

(I paid 4-figures in 70s money to be called an asshole and to be denied toilet access for hours on end. If we had to go to the bathroom, it wasn't a natural function. We were trying to avoid hearing what we needed to hear from the trainer. That was the philosophical backdrop.)

Dr Phil on steroids.

I tried many of these ideologies and seminars, thinking eventually I would find "It". I would find the "It" that would give my life purpose and meaning. I could be the best and the brightest.

When I spent so much time in Khon Kaen, I was introduced to an entirely different way of thinking. We are all in this together. I don't have to be better than anyone else. I don't have to compete in a social marketplace. I was accepted, just as I am ~ including flaws because we all have them. The objective in life was to know that all things are transient. Circumstances come and go. People come and go. It is all the natural ebb and flow of life itself. So just relax and enjoy.

I fit in so perfectly. No pressure.. to be more than I already am.

That was Khon Kaen.

Then I came back here. Came back to the old pressures, the old expectations... and it has never failed to make me unhappy.

I am still struggling through a lot of this. It's unlikely that I will ever achieve perfect Buddha consciousness in this lifetime. I'm a new soul. I'll cycle more. I accept that. It's difficult to purge a lifetime of training.

But I am trying. And will continue to try. Because the quote below is what I want to become.

"May I become at all times, both now and forever
A protector for those without protection
A guide for those who have lost their way
A ship for those with oceans to cross
A bridge for those with rivers to cross
A sanctuary for those in danger
A lamp for those without light
A place of refuge for those who lack shelter
And a servant to all in need."

His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

Be. Do. Have.


Peace,


~Chani

Transpersonal Psychology and the Blue-Eyed Thai Girl

One of my favorite things about blogging is the pool of knowledge available to all of us with just a few key words in a search engine.

The next best thing is the way we are able to engage each other in a form of conversation. One post read on another site will generate one on mine. Maybe one on mine will generate a post on another site. I can't imagine a better way to take advantage of our collective education and points of view.

Jen who writes One Plus Two and I have been engaged in an email conversation about ego and its place in our lives. We haven't gotten academic or pedantic. It's a casual sharing of views between us. It's just one mind to another, one thought to another. Her post this morning is abut her concept of ego and its place in our lives. This post is a response to hers.

She presents the trifecta of Freud's ego, id and superego. I don't remember too much about Freud with the exception of the basic concepts taught in a college course too many years ago to admit. What I remember most is that his basic premise is that human beings are evil and that when given the choice will always choose anti-social behavior. This creates conflict between three elements of personality. I believe he built the theory based on the cultural premise of the time which was Calvinism. (We need a big bad White Dude In The Sky to keep us on the straight and narrow and we get to heaven [reach enlightenment] by repression of our base human instincts. Morality must be enforced with an iron fist.) There is an interplay between culture and psychology and one developes in support of the other. The psychology becomes part of the worldview of the members of a common community. The model is perpetuated through a socialization process of propaganda.

That's true for any society, east or west. All cultures will develope a collective psychology that will support itself. The social reality produced is considered "normal" if it coincides with culturally accepted behavior.

I think at some level we become attuned to these things and they may or may not resonate with us. Sometimes they won't resonate to a point where we can become alienated from everyone around us.

To a certain degree, that is what happened with me over the years. That caused me to explore many different types of thought, hoping I would find one to use in my own life, to provide me with guidance and context. It took literal years to sort through all the "stuff" that's out there.

So, although I feel somewhat out of my league when responding to someone like Jen who has an intellect I can only dream about, I will do my best to summarize how I view ego and its place in my (the) world. This exchange is particularly interesting, given our different educational backgrounds.

Ego is the part of me that demands separateness, including the separation of body and mind. It is the source of unhealthy attachments, anger and insecurity. It is the part that is satisfied by power over others and a higher privilege than others. It is in constant competition with other human beings by necessity. If we can't overcome others in one way or another, we will find ourselves at the bottom of the heap or worse yet, extinction. That is the shadow level of ego. Our perception of self determines our perception of social reality.

My ultimate belief is that ego is what hinders our ability to escape the cycle of suffering. That doesn't mean complete self-abnegation but it does mean that I remain conscious of the potential dangers inherent in perceiving myself as separate from other human beings. By "dangers", I don't mean to imply that we should be without boundaries or identity. I do mean that it is necessary to see ourselves as an integral part of a larger community. It is necessary that we understand that when an Other suffers, we all suffer. When the community is out of balance, we are likewise out of balance. It is important that we choose to use power for something higher than self-interest.

In that respect, ego creates conflict. On the other hand, it is also what prevents us from stepping in front of buses or allowing ourselves to be abused or oppressed. That is the positive aspect of ego.

So within that context, there's still the question of how to manage it, how to make it work for us instead of against us.

I will be interested to hear other thoughts on this topic. :)


Peace,


~Chani