Sacred Life Sunday: Praying the Devil Back To Hell....

There is nothing noble in being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self. ~Hindu proverb ...

I got an interesting comment on my last post, reminding me to send metta to the women I was upset with last week. (Was it last week? A few days ago? The time is blurring.)

Sending metta, or good thoughts ~ lovingkindness ~ to someone who has harmed us or tried to harm us is a basic part of the forgiveness process. At least for me.

Taking the comment seriously and realizing it was necessary, I sat down to do it. I sent lovingkindness to each woman, by name.

It was hard. Really hard! Not because I am still angry at them. Not out of a need to be right. Not because it felt like submission or giving up.

It was even more insidious than that.

It was because I'd relegated them to non-personhood. The particular dynamic they engaged as a means of "punishing" me was something I find so repugnant, so destructive, that I couldn't bring myself to forgive them as individuals. They became shells. It's really hard to have empathy or compassion for hollow shells. I was able to forgive in a global sense but couldn't on a person-to-person level.

Still, I sat and kept trying.

Eventually after several full minutes, I began to feel some compassion for people who are in such pain that they would take someone's confidential information, shared in trust, and turn it back ~ turning it into ammunition.

I committed to the universe that I would not do the same thing. At least I would try very hard to not do the same thing.

I began to feel empathy, knowing what it is like to feel that way from the past, to be so wounded and so angry that using anything in my arsenal to "get back" at someone seemed justified.

Our conflict was minor. In fact, it was even a bit petty. No one's life will be changed - not mine nor theirs - by the interaction we shared. However, when you look at it in the bigger picture, it does ripple outward. From stream to river to lake to ocean, it grows and grows and before we know it, nations are doing the same thing.

I sent more lovingkindness. I sent healing their way, to all of them, that the things that hurt them inside will go away, that they can see the world as something other than a nail - and that they don't have to be hammers. And I sent lovingkindness to all of us so that none of us will have to feel like hammers in a world of nails.

It was a good exercise. Even though it is difficult, willingness is a good beginning. Even though it didn't feel "real" for a while, it was still worth doing.

I wish we would all take a few minutes each day to send lovingkindness to each other - globally or individually. That alone could change the world.

Have a good Sunday!

~*

Okay, let's talk about meat....

This is something that caught my interest recently.

When I went to visit with a Buddhist nun a few weeks ago, she told me that I should stop eating meat. She cited the First Precept which states that we are not supposed to kill any living being. She is of a different tradition and they follow that precept to the letter.

I'm more a "spirit of the law" person.

Buddhism, like every other faith, has many different traditions. Mine (Theravada) has no specific rule against eating meat for lay people. I am generally mindful about killing. Spiders don't get killed here and I don't kill insects when I can avoid it. It would be nearly impossible for me to kill an animal. My boundary seems to be convenience. I won't kill a living being simply because it is inconvenient to have around.

Some people interpret the "no killing" rule as only applying to our doing the actual killing. Buying a pound of hamburger at Safeway is different than going out and shooting animals for food.

My immediate thought is that killing for food is very different than killing for sport. Sarah Palin doesn't live here. Intention and purpose are the core issues.

Yet if I really think about it, the idea of eating the body of another being is disgusting. If I stayed mindful of that, I would probably never touch another piece of meat in my life.

But like most people, I do it unconsciously. I buy my pork chops and chicken with abandon, order satay chicken at the Thai restaurant, chow down on pork and pasta or chicken wings without really thinking about it.

Red meat never makes its way to my table. The very sight of it makes me sick.

At some point, I will probably make the choice to adopt a more vegetarian diet. Not vegan. Vegetarian.

So.. how do you feel about eating meat?


~*

It's None Of My Business.....

As you can imagine, my recovery from years and years of being a crusader is a challenging one.

(Another one of those things that makes quitting booze look rosy in comparison.)

Saturday night, I had a marathon phone conversation with someone very important in my life. We talked and the hours flowed. We are somewhat accustomed to these calls and there are very few stones left unturned in our discussion of the spiritual challenges in our lives. We share our experiences with each other and to the best of my knowledge, neither of us hang up unsatisfied.

It's like a wonderful, filling meal that's also healthy.

Offhandedly, I commented that I am still having some difficulty in letting go of my need to spout my opinions and be critical of cultural conditions that bother me. I need to find peace with here before I can go there.

He said, "I can give you peace about that right now."

"Oh?"

"It's none of your business what they do over there. Leave them to their business. You tend to yours."

What a concept! I'd never thought about it with quite that level of clarity - and I've been chanting it like a mantra ever since.

When I find myself getting irritated with something, I silently repeat "It's none of my business...."

On my sidebar, I have put a statement that says "May all beings be free from the tyranny of my expectations." That's there to remind me, especially when posting here, not to get involved in the usual complaining about situations I can not control, nor should I. We all have our own and it's much healthier to let others learn their lessons their own way. My determination of their rightness or wrongness is inappropriate and mostly unwanted and unnecessary.

It is very freeing to take this approach. It frees our minds to concentrate on the things that really matter instead of spending so much energy trying to control other people or situations.

What do you think?
~*

Addendum: Just to clarify, he was not suggesting that I renege on my personal responsibility to make the world a better place whenever and wherever I can. We are both socially conscious people and care a great deal about larger issues. What he meant is that I should stop allowing the cultural values and customs to rile me up so that all of my energy is consumed by that. If anything, that has caused me to have less energy for the big stuff. Hope that explains. :)

~*

Dancing in a Sparsely Populated Forest....

This is probably going to be the earliest post on Julie's Wednesday discussions. :) Sometimes it works out that way because I've found that if I don't write something while it's fresh, I won't come back to it.

In my spiritual tradition, Theravada Buddhism, it is said that anyone who claims to be enlightened probably isn't. If someone claims to be an ajahn, he probably isn't. It is practice to look to others (mostly those further along the path) for validation of progress. I can say I am humble.. because others have told me so. It is not something I can simply proclaim because it feels good ~ or because I want to believe it.

One of the strongest tenets of this practice is that it requires us to do things simply because they're good and compassionate, not because we will be rewarded or praised. Of course there are some who are trying to rack up merit points for their next lives ~ but that's certainly not the right reason. That would be attachment to outcomes and ego.

Consequently, when Julie writes "So next week, I'm asking each participant to think about what he or she does that contributes value in some way...and write it down", my immediate response in her comments section was "Honestly, I don't think that's for me to determine... That's for others to decide. "

And this I believe. It is not for me to decide that anything I do matters. It is up to me to simply do. Most behavior is shaped by positive feedback. If someone says, "it really matters to me that you ________", or "I really like it when you _____", then most people will likely continue to do more of that because most of us want to do good. We want to please. We learn these values from our chosen communities.

I named this post "dancing in a sparsely populated forest" because I am aware of being a minority in this view. This may be the strongest evidence of "culture clash" as far as I'm concerned. In many ways, this is an occasional cause of my own suffering. I honestly believe boastfulness and pride are functions of ego. Ego leads to suffering. And I hate seeing people suffer.

According to the teaching of the Buddha, the idea of the self is an imaginary, false belief which has no corresponding reality, and it produces harmful thoughts of ‘me’ and ‘mine’, selfish desire, craving, attachment, hatred, ill-will, conceit, pride, egoism, and other defilements, impurities and problems. It is source of all the troubles in the world from personal conflicts to wars between nations. In short, to this false view can be traced all the evil in the world.

I believe that.

Given this, the only authentic response I can offer to Julie's challenge is to ask others to take this one step further: Tell someone else in your life what he or she does that matters to you.

~*

Ego, Ego, on the wall....

" Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers,
but to be fearless in facing them.
Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain,
but for the heart to conquer it.
Let me not crave in anxious fear to be saved,
but for the patience to win my freedom."
Shantideva

One of the greatest struggles I've had since I returned from Thailand is the ability to release ego. This doesn't mean, by the way, becoming a blob without identity. It means a willingness to give up the idea that we have to somehow be something special, that we have to be better than someone else to have significance.

I was trained, like most of us in the US and other western countries, to believe these things, that we have to be the best and the brightest. We have to be "popular" ... in demand by others. If we don't achieve that, we fall into the rank of "loser", those people who are socially invisible. No one wants to be invisible, unknown and unloved.

I know this makes me unhappy. It makes everyone unhappy. The constant attachment to every outcome is draining. We are never satisfied because we never feel as though we are enough. This makes the producers who want us to consume very happy. We are never enough, we have to have, be and do more. They have a product to help us do that.

Whether it is a tangible product or an ideology, it ultimately leads back to the same thing. "Let me help you be more than you are. I can help you get rid of those yellow teeth. I can help you lose that fat. I can make you desirable. Read my book. Buy my exercise video. Buy my ideology. I've packaged it for you. It's easy and you'll see fast results"

Because another thing is that we can't stand to wait for anything. It has to be right now!

So, we're trained to constantly crave. If that craving isn't satisfied, we become unhappy.

We become unhappy and want to be soothed. So we buy more products, intellectual or tangible, so that we'll feel better.

In the late 70s, I took a course called EST (Erhardt Seminars Training). We all sat in a big room, crammed together, and were told that all we had to do to "win" at "the game of life" was to be something which would in turn cause us to do the right things and then we would have what we want most.

It was based on the Law of Attraction which has been used over the years by plenty of shucksters in different packaging for the masses. If you want something badly enough, you can have it. Secular prosperity theology.

EST was just another spin on the same old thing. Be. Do. Have.

And the white male trainer would tell you in a booming voice that you were an "asshole" if you didn't "get it".

(I paid 4-figures in 70s money to be called an asshole and to be denied toilet access for hours on end. If we had to go to the bathroom, it wasn't a natural function. We were trying to avoid hearing what we needed to hear from the trainer. That was the philosophical backdrop.)

Dr Phil on steroids.

I tried many of these ideologies and seminars, thinking eventually I would find "It". I would find the "It" that would give my life purpose and meaning. I could be the best and the brightest.

When I spent so much time in Khon Kaen, I was introduced to an entirely different way of thinking. We are all in this together. I don't have to be better than anyone else. I don't have to compete in a social marketplace. I was accepted, just as I am ~ including flaws because we all have them. The objective in life was to know that all things are transient. Circumstances come and go. People come and go. It is all the natural ebb and flow of life itself. So just relax and enjoy.

I fit in so perfectly. No pressure.. to be more than I already am.

That was Khon Kaen.

Then I came back here. Came back to the old pressures, the old expectations... and it has never failed to make me unhappy.

I am still struggling through a lot of this. It's unlikely that I will ever achieve perfect Buddha consciousness in this lifetime. I'm a new soul. I'll cycle more. I accept that. It's difficult to purge a lifetime of training.

But I am trying. And will continue to try. Because the quote below is what I want to become.

"May I become at all times, both now and forever
A protector for those without protection
A guide for those who have lost their way
A ship for those with oceans to cross
A bridge for those with rivers to cross
A sanctuary for those in danger
A lamp for those without light
A place of refuge for those who lack shelter
And a servant to all in need."

His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

Be. Do. Have.


Peace,


~Chani

Old souls ....

Last night, we had some interesting discussions.

I suspect most of us want to believe we are "old souls". It implies a certain wisdom and experience that will place us just a bit "above" the unwashed masses. We want to believe we come here with something extra that will make our lives more meaningful and more fulfilling because we have an understanding of our purpose here.

Personally, I believe that is a very western concept. It's competitive. It's a way to feed our egos by believing we have an advantage over most others.

I've studied this stuff for a long time and am very, very aware ~ sometimes painfully aware ~ that I am a new soul. It's not too likely that I've hung around this neighborhood very many times before. I still get lost too easily. If I had to make a wild, wild guess, I'd say I've had perhaps four lifetimes.

Not all of them were in the East, unless Poland would be considered "East". I once had a past-life reading that indicated my most recent life before this one was spent in Eastern Europe. I was a very ordinary person who died in the Holocaust, specifically at Auschwitz. This makes some sense to me because as a young kid, I used to weep inconsolably whenever I heard about it. It wasn't empathy crying. It was keening, weeping, uncontrollable tears that would cause me to lose my breath. That held true until my mid-teens when it somehow resolved and I was able to discuss it and hear about it with some semblence of rationality.

Some theories of reincarnation would say that is not possible because my birthdate is too close to the end of WWII. They say there are at least 100 years between incarnations. I don't subscribe to that particular theory because time itself is a linear concept, invented by us for our convenience. In the spirit world, there is no time. I believe we cycle when we're meant to cycle and it could be 100 years or 2 days. It depends on the soul's lessons and needs.

In another lifetime, I was a selfish, inconsiderate, horrid person who likely used others and discarded them with some abandon. I don't know the specifics or the location of that lifetime but I believe much of my karma in this lifetime is tied to that one.

Most likely, my first incarnation was in Thailand (or Siam, as the case may be). That is why it is "home". It is where my soul's tentacles feed into the earth and remain planted. When I was in Khon Kaen, I met several people whom I believe to be "soulmates", people I've known in that and perhaps other lifetimes. These are the souls who cycle with us each time. We always find them. (Ajahn S., as an example, is one of those people. My mother is one of them. There's no guarantee that a "soul mate" is a positive influence. It's easy to confuse this term with the romantic concept of "soul mate" but it actually means anyone who comes into our lives that contributes to our growth. That means a completely toxic person could very well be a "soul mate".)

The Balinese believe we are each born with "four brothers", four guides, who are always with us. They name their "brothers" and talk with them. That's just another twist on the guardian angel belief that seems to hold in most of the world's religions.

Thai people actually build a little house for their spirit guides and ancestors called San Phra Phum. I have done this as well and find it kind of comforting and familiar. That tells me that it is something from "home". Our first lifetime is very much like our earthly childhood. That is where we learn the basics. Most of the choices and patterns we develope come from our soul's "childhood", too. Just like an earthly lifetime, we continue cycling as we grow, change, develope and confirm certain beliefs and ways of life.

Well, at least that's my take on it. It would be interesting to hear what you believe, even if it is that I am full of baloney. Do you have an affinity for a particular time in history or a particular place?


Peace,


~Chani

Bald?

Turning on the news this morning, I heard that Britany Spears has shaved her head.

Don't click away yet. This is not about Britany Spears. I couldn't care less what that woman does. However, it is about women with shaved heads.

Personally, I have no problem with it. Four or five years ago, I tried the look myself. It looked okay but that isn't why I did it.

Before actually taking shears to my head, I thought about it for quite a while. Probably for six months or more. Before doing it, I bought a wig. If it felt absolutely horrid and I hated it, I'd be able to wear a wig for a few months until it grew out.

The reason I finally did it is because I wanted to see what the experience would communicate to me. It would be interesting to know if I could take such a step, knowing the possible ramifications. I'd read a book by Tenzin Palmo and she discussed the shaving of her own head as part of her commitment to Buddhism and simplicity. It was a visual reminder to be mindful.

I did it in Spring. The weather was beginning to get warm and I was spending more time in the garden. I put my wig on the table, looked at it and felt some security in its presence, took the scissors and cut my hair as short as possible. I then took the shears and finished the job.

At first glance, it was startling! I was grateful that I didn't look like a short pudgy little troll. Actually, it wasn't all that bad. With my sharp features, it looked pretty good although I'm certainly no Sinead O'Connor.

Over the remainder of the day, it began to feel better and better. Out in the garden, the sun felt wonderful on my bare skin. The breeze felt great. It made me very aware of skin sensations.

As time went along, it created a shift in my consciousness. It did remind me to be mindful, to eliminate attachment to silliness like hair styles and grooming for vanity rather than cleanliness. It reminded me of those women who'd lost their hair due to cancer treatments. It reminded me of those who had diseases or disorders that stripped them of their hair and there was nothing voluntary in it for them.

It also created a feeling of freedom that I'd never known. That part isn't easily described in words but it was a feeling I thoroughly enjoyed.

Do I recommend it? Not particularly. It takes a certain kind of person to do something so radical. Thick skin is really necessary because people will gawk and stare ~ or alternatively give long pitying looks. If you have a rebellious streak, it is definitely a way to spit in the eye of dominant culture. It is a good way to make a very conscious and deliberate break from vanity. It's raw, it's basic, it's simple.. and some may even say it's sexy. That's a completely individual choice.

I would say that if the desire is there, it's worth doing it. It's an interesting experience.


Peace,


~Chani

Transpersonal Psychology and the Blue-Eyed Thai Girl

One of my favorite things about blogging is the pool of knowledge available to all of us with just a few key words in a search engine.

The next best thing is the way we are able to engage each other in a form of conversation. One post read on another site will generate one on mine. Maybe one on mine will generate a post on another site. I can't imagine a better way to take advantage of our collective education and points of view.

Jen who writes One Plus Two and I have been engaged in an email conversation about ego and its place in our lives. We haven't gotten academic or pedantic. It's a casual sharing of views between us. It's just one mind to another, one thought to another. Her post this morning is abut her concept of ego and its place in our lives. This post is a response to hers.

She presents the trifecta of Freud's ego, id and superego. I don't remember too much about Freud with the exception of the basic concepts taught in a college course too many years ago to admit. What I remember most is that his basic premise is that human beings are evil and that when given the choice will always choose anti-social behavior. This creates conflict between three elements of personality. I believe he built the theory based on the cultural premise of the time which was Calvinism. (We need a big bad White Dude In The Sky to keep us on the straight and narrow and we get to heaven [reach enlightenment] by repression of our base human instincts. Morality must be enforced with an iron fist.) There is an interplay between culture and psychology and one developes in support of the other. The psychology becomes part of the worldview of the members of a common community. The model is perpetuated through a socialization process of propaganda.

That's true for any society, east or west. All cultures will develope a collective psychology that will support itself. The social reality produced is considered "normal" if it coincides with culturally accepted behavior.

I think at some level we become attuned to these things and they may or may not resonate with us. Sometimes they won't resonate to a point where we can become alienated from everyone around us.

To a certain degree, that is what happened with me over the years. That caused me to explore many different types of thought, hoping I would find one to use in my own life, to provide me with guidance and context. It took literal years to sort through all the "stuff" that's out there.

So, although I feel somewhat out of my league when responding to someone like Jen who has an intellect I can only dream about, I will do my best to summarize how I view ego and its place in my (the) world. This exchange is particularly interesting, given our different educational backgrounds.

Ego is the part of me that demands separateness, including the separation of body and mind. It is the source of unhealthy attachments, anger and insecurity. It is the part that is satisfied by power over others and a higher privilege than others. It is in constant competition with other human beings by necessity. If we can't overcome others in one way or another, we will find ourselves at the bottom of the heap or worse yet, extinction. That is the shadow level of ego. Our perception of self determines our perception of social reality.

My ultimate belief is that ego is what hinders our ability to escape the cycle of suffering. That doesn't mean complete self-abnegation but it does mean that I remain conscious of the potential dangers inherent in perceiving myself as separate from other human beings. By "dangers", I don't mean to imply that we should be without boundaries or identity. I do mean that it is necessary to see ourselves as an integral part of a larger community. It is necessary that we understand that when an Other suffers, we all suffer. When the community is out of balance, we are likewise out of balance. It is important that we choose to use power for something higher than self-interest.

In that respect, ego creates conflict. On the other hand, it is also what prevents us from stepping in front of buses or allowing ourselves to be abused or oppressed. That is the positive aspect of ego.

So within that context, there's still the question of how to manage it, how to make it work for us instead of against us.

I will be interested to hear other thoughts on this topic. :)


Peace,


~Chani