Wellness Wednesday: Conversing the Hours

Saturday, I was able to spend the entire day with a friend I don't see very often. As you can imagine, the conversation was fast and furious with many topics being put on the table, discussed and exhausted.

One of the most significant topics was one that got me put in the naughty chair. It is a chair I've grown accustomed to over the years. Being the Noam Chomsky of my social circle occasionally presents challenging interactions.

Eric and I had a conversation about a woman he is "seeing" (what a weird euphemism, but it works for the moment). He talked about ways to find out more about her, ways to discover how she really thinks and believes. What is she really like? One of the methods he proposed is Socratic questioning. That is a method of asking probing questions, peeling away layers.

I immediately balked at the method which I find intrusive. I've experienced it and was left feeling like Swiss cheese. I prefer to get to know people slowly, revealing myself as I feel safe and comfortable doing so. Probing questions are just that: probing. Think about the real meaning of that word and let it sink in.

My position is that Eric was looking to find fault. When we look to find fault, we invariably will. He was looking for some way to protect himself from possible disappointment. I also thought the things he was concerned about were a bit on the petty side. When all is said and done, someone's personal habits are not that important. Character is what matters.

Disappointment is a part of living. Trying too hard to avoid it just another way of avoiding life in general. It's the emotional Patriot Act. It is a particular type of energy that limits us in our positive experiences of others and is another way to increase our separation. He doesn't like Nelson DeMille. She likes chick flicks and I can't stand them. He leaves his towels on the bathroom floor. She always leaves the toilet seat down. He doesn't wrap leftovers the way I like them wrapped in the refrigerator. She reads too much.

I think when we get to a certain age, we realize how truly petty and insignificant most things are - and how much we've allowed our lives to become engrossed in minutiea. At the end of the day, it's just spackle. That's the crud that clogs up pipes and interferes with the free flow of energy between us.

Spackle. That is the word that got me assigned to the naughty chair. But I truly believe this. If we look for fault, we'll find it. If we look for reasons to divide ourselves further, we certainly will find them. Criticism leads to more and deeper criticism. Stream to river to lake to ocean. On and on it goes. As we do this individually, we do it with groups, with communities, nations and the world.

The older I get, the more I subscribe to the basic notion that we are all here, doing the best we can with what we have - and substance will win over form every time. I propose that all of us would be served well to simply accept others as they are, recognizing that we are all flawed to one degree or another.

This quote comes to mind: "Accept what people have to offer. Drink their milkshakes. Take their love."

What say you?

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As an aside, I have decided to change the name of this blog. The URL will remain the same but the name just isn't working for me anymore. I'd like to make contact with someone who would be willing to create a new banner for me and install it. Charging me a reasonable fee is okay. Please contact me or leave a comment if you know someone who can do it - or are willing to do it yourself. The new name will be "Finding My Way Home". Thanks. :)
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