Into The Wild.....

I know I haven't had much to say here lately. There are reasons for that and I'd rather not go into all the specific reasons - but I've had some internal work to do that shouldn't involve others. So I filled this space with quotes and impersonal exercise ideas. It's just something very hard to communicate and I chose to silence myself.

One of the changes I've made here is to delete my sitemeter. It was depressing me. I will not be able to visit new visitors now unless you say something. I will have no way of knowing you were here. I miss a lot of the people who no longer drop by but know there is nothing I can do about that.

I've been watching movies. Yesterday I watched an interesting one that raised some interesting points as well as emphasizing some important truths.

It is called "Into The Wild" and involves a young man who decides to remove himself from the craziness of the world and go into the wilds of Alaska. He left after having graduated from college, wanting to avoid the typical mainstream traps of career and family.

Along the way, he met several people, all of whom seemed to like him very much. It didn't mean much to him which is incomprehensible to me since I am somewhat socially dependent. He enjoyed their company in the moment and moved on freely, no regrets. This isn't to say he was a "user" of others in any malignant way. He simply chose not to attach. At one point, he said "I think people make a mistake when they say the only meaning of life is in human relationships."

He continues to retreat more and more. He eventually ends up living in an abandoned bus in Alaska.

I don't want to ruin the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, but it did raise some interesting thoughts.

Is choosing not to attach the healthiest way to go?

I think he discovered that it is not. See the movie to get a sense of his final discovery. I will say here that the final entry in his journal said "Happiness is only real when it is shared."

Being one who used to believe it didn't matter, I've also discovered that it does. That is why I am putting more energy into finding local people to be involved with. One of my new activities is at the local Lao wat. (Yeah, it's not Thai - but any port in a storm! The traditions are similar.) They seem to be very nice people and it is a wonderful feeling to be around the happiness of others once again. My next trip out will be at the beginning of April for some weekend activities they are hosting.

This seems to be a logical step. While my ultimate goal is, of course, to go to Thailand, I am here for now and am not ashamed to admit that I need companionship. Ever since I came back from Thailand, I've been acutely aware of how lonely I've allowed myself to become.

And, yes, I allowed it. It doesn't happen outside of me. I've allowed it to go on way too long and get far too deep.

So I won't be around here as much. But I'm not going away entirely. Not at this point. I will only make that choice if everyone ultimately completely loses interest in me.

See you in a few days. May everyone be well and happy.

~*