Compassion for those we don't like....

It's a hard one. Really.

For the past week or so, I've gotten lost in my own "dislike Sarah Palin very strongly" club. (I won't say hate because I don't hate her. I just disagree with her on the most fundamental things.) I've allowed her to become a focal point for everything I dislike in US culture. To listen to her speak sets my teeth off - particularly since she has a voice that could shatter glass. Like a cat being dragged through a knothole in the fence comes to mind. I mean - truly - I don't like the woman. I don't like what she stands for and I don't like who she chooses to be.

On the other hand, I struggle with that tendencu because she is a product of her environment, just like I am. Just like most of us are. It's unlikely that she stood before the mirror one day and made a conscious decision to be who she is. She didn't sculpt herself from raw clay. She is a product of her environment, her culture, her upbringing and her spiritual conditioning. So far in her life, it's worked for her so I doubt she's done a lot of serious self-examination or made a deliberate choice to be the way she is.

So.. where I'm going with this is that I am trying (really trying) to find a place of compassion for her, to ferret out the good in her so that I can stop feeling the way I do. It's toxic for me, toxic for my environment, toxic for all of us - when one of us chooses to so strongly dislike someone that it overrides our compassion and commitment to our own values.

I'm sure she loves her kids. I'm sure she, no matter how much I disagree with her, cares about her country. She's not Mugabe. She's not Milosevic. She's not Hitler. She's a (in my mind) misguided person with some really screwy values. I'm sure she cares about something I care about - although it would probably take hours and hours of conversation between us to find that one kernel of likemindedness. We'd both have to dig and we'd both have to make a strong effort. Looking at it objectively though, even if we were trapped on an elevator together with no other options for company, I don't think she'd like me all that much, either - so that conversation would probably not take place.

Not so deep within me, I know that my non-acceptance of her as a person is just the flipside of what I perceive she does herself. I'm so rooted in my own sense of righteousness that I can't make room for her or her thinking. I "other" her because it's safer and easier than trying to find any commonality.

I know that's not good. This isn't really about Sarah Palin, although she's an expedient example. It's about me. It's about everyone who finds themselves trapped in "othering" behavior.

So.. what do we do when we find someone who so perfectly exemplifies everything that we find distasteful?

I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on this.

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As an aside, I found this link in someone's comments. It is one of the best articles I've seen yet on the topic of Sarah Palin. The comments attached to the article are good, too.

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Gays in the Military....

Last night, I sat and watched the Republican YouTube debate. As always with these things, I have an outsider's view and often find myself agreeing with both sides. As someone who in US terms would be described most accurately as a fiscal liberal and a social conservative, there are things said that I agree with wholeheartedly and some things that sound like drivel. And that's on both sides of the political spectrum.

The debate posed about gays in the military offended me horribly, both as a social conservative and a community member. I can't imagine anyone justifying the marginalization of any segment of the population, especially when it's based on false data. In common terms, I call that "propaganda".

One of the candidates stated that he believed the "don't ask/don't tell" policy was correct because most people who join the military are "conservative" and subscribe to "Judeo-Christian values".

That's garbage.

Most of the people who join the military are minorities and poor people. There are campaigns used by the military to draw them in, promises of college funds and benefits. Many people see it as a way out of poverty and that's an entirely valid reason to choose it.

Why not present it that way? Honestly.

When social conservativism becomes nothing more than a tool to marginalize and discriminate against members of the population, whether it be religion or s*xual orientation, it is wrong and loses its credibility. It is a misapplication of the entire concept. Social conservatism is about traditional values which has almost as many definitions as "blue". What are "traditional values"? Whose values?

Do those values really represent a majority of people in the community? I would say not. If traditional values would loosely be defined as "character, commitment and courage", how can it be seen as courageous, good character or a sign of commitment to imply that an entire segment of the population is lacking those things so completely that they should not be permitted to serve?

Not only is that infantilizing, it is bigotry. The implication then is that gay people are unable to understand appropriate behavior, that they can not control their s*xual impulses enough to work in a group with those who are unlike them. It also perpetuates the idea that gay people want to "recruit" straight people as though it is some bizarre competition where those with the most members at the end wins?

I call that "ignorance". It is no more and no less ignorant than creating social policy based on ethnic stereotypes.

What say you?
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