Monday

I'm still here. Still on dial-up (as I will be for the rest of the month).

I've been doing a lot of meditation work over the past several days. Deep stuff. Yoga. Part of the reason for this admitted self-torture is that I've decided it's time to move past judgement, into a place of acceptance and compassion for all people, not just those who think and believe like me.

Wow. There's a strong statement.

I put up a fairly good front in terms of always sounding fairly compassionate and accepting. And on some levels I am. But it never ceases to amaze me how quickly I get pissed off when I'm exposed to too much western thinking. (Sorry... but this is a truth place. I hope everyone knows that I am not trying to be offensive or disrespect anyone's belief system - but to maintain my integrity here, I try to speak my truth. My objective is that by speaking my truth, maybe others will feel free to speak theirs as well ~ and that is where healing begins.)

In meditation, I'm exploring that place, that angry place, the remembrance of how betrayed I felt by that kind of thinking and how many painful times there have been because I couldn't cram myself into that little box and live there. I couldn't be who I was expected to be. The isolation, the feeling of being brutalized and traumatized, the feeling of not being able to understand it ~ it all must be acknowledged and processed through because without doing that difficult work, I run the risk of continuing to over-eat and ~ worse case ~ end up back on the bottle. Even worse, we all miss out on the healing that comes from being exposed to different types of thinking and reconciliation.

The interesting part of the meditation is that on exhales, I've found some long-buried feelings that needed to come out, lots of old tears. (If you try, you can tell the new tears from the old tears. The old tears come from the core place, the center of us. The new ones come from the surface and go away fairly quickly.)

It's hard work.. but I'm committed to it so ~ on it goes. Every morning. No matter how long it takes.

In my readings, I found this really wonderful quote:

Insight opens your mind. An open mind leads to an open heart. Open heartedness leads to justice. Divinity is oneness with Tao. Oneness with Tao is freedom from harm, indescribable pleasure, eternal life.

Tao Te Ching

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The times when I am not doing that, I've been reading a book, recommended by one of my blogging friends, called "The Hour I First Believed" by Wally Lamb. It's a wonderful book and I can barely put it down! Wally Lamb is a very good author but you have to be in a certain frame of mind to take it all in.

The rest of the day ~ this cloudy, foggy day (my favorite kind), I'm going to read that book, make some pineapple fried rice and settle into my most comfortable chair ~ lap blanket in place.

Wishing you all a comfortable chair and a lap blanket!


Peace,


~Chani

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There is no judgement here....

Praise and blame, gain and loss, pleasure and pain, fame and disrepute are the eight worldly winds. They ceaselessly change. As a mountain is unshaken by the wind, so the heart of a wise person is unmoved by all the changes on this earth.

Buddha

We are going into the time of year when I live in a nearly constant state of cognitive dissonance. It's hard. No kidding. I can't even escape it temporarily by getting stinking drunk! Gee, sometimes there just ain't no justice! :)

So I've decided to be a big girl and try something this year to avoid falling into some of the old traps I've fallen into in the past which inevitably lead to unhappiness for me and some of the people who surround me. Even though I understand a lot of things intellectually, sometimes my emotions get away from me and my patience is short.

It's time to work on staying away from judgment. Admittedly, I can get very judgmental and righteous this time of year. It's easy to get into that frame of mind when the over-saturation begins to play a symphony on my last nerve.

The judgment comes when I hear people talk about the stress of the time and then start whining a bit too much. My internal and immediate reaction is "well, you chose it!" I know I should be kinder and more understanding because this season is something that means a lot to many people.

I'm not saying my reaction is okay. I expect more of myself but here's the confession: I often do snap to judgment and it's not always compassionate.

On the other hand, I'd like to think I am mature enough and decent enough to try to grow beyond it. I'd like to challenge myself to be more compassionate, more understanding, more respectful and more generous with my resources, emotionally and spiritually. If I behave differently, I give you full permission to verbally swat me upside the head.

I'm also going to give myself permission though to retreat when I need to do that. I may not be here as much or at your sites as much. I'm really going to try to balance this out in a more healthy way.

So it's going to be up and down.. a bit here and a bit there. The commitment I make though is that I will do my best.







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An issue of mindful speech....

There's been an issue of mindful speech lately that I need to speak up about.

Now that change is in the air and there is a desire to balance inequities, I'd like to suggest a change of terminology which will lead to a change in perception.

I've heard many speeches over the past few days about "helping those less fortunate" and "the lesser among us".

This makes me grit my teeth.

Let me be very clear about something ~ and you are hearing it from the horse's mouth, so to speak.

As most of you know, I live on an amount of money that is below the federal poverty level.

Poverty, yes. In strict economic terms. There is nothing "poor" about me ~ not intellectually, emotionally, physically or spiritually.

There is absolutely nothing "unfortunate" about me. And I'm sure as hell not the "lesser among us".

And I'm sick and tired of being referred to that way. It's offensive. And demeaning. And condescending.

There's a tendency to "other" us, to make us something "less than" in both use of language and perception. If you believe this perception exists for any other reason than to allow some people to feel "better than", think again. It's subtle.

We care about the same things. We just don't have a lot of money.

We enjoy a good book, a good conversation, a good joke, companionship ~ just like everyone else. We just don't have a lot of money.

We love, we dislike, we are happy, sad, exhilarated, frustrated, excited or angry, just like everyone else. We just don't have a lot of money.

We are not downtrodden, unfortunate, less than, pitiable or pathetic. Not any more than anyone else. We just don't have a lot of money. Eliminate those expressions from the national discourse.

If there is true dedication to change the way we perceive each other and the way we are going to evolve as a society toward inclusiveness and compassion, let's start with that perception, that use of language. Let's start with the way we talk about each other.

If perception is reality, as Whitehead would have us believe, we are creating that reality with language that denigrates an entire segment of the population.

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So where do we go from here....

...and what in the world will we find to blog about?

Seriously though, now that the initial glow is beginning to fade and we all realize that Barack Obama is not the Second Coming of Christ, the real work is ahead of us.

Just a few thoughts: As someone who is closer to the end than the beginning, I spent some time remembering the things we've been through in the past 40 years. We lived through the Civil Rights Movement, the murder of a president and a senator, Kent State, the Vietnam War, the Cold War ... all the things I mentioned yesterday.

I can't help but believe the seeds we planted in those days are sprouting now. Not blooming yet. Sprouting. They're going to grow, those seeds, and it will hopefully grow into a beautiful blooming tree, one that will help shade us from some of the cynicism and hopelessness that has become so much of the national character.

That began in the 80s, by my memory. The national ethos was all about greed, acquisition and power. It was a backlash against the ethos of the 60s. While many people think of George Michael and Pat Benetar, I remember the unwarranted invasion of Grenada and the taunting of the Soviet Union by Ronald Reagan that more than once brought us to the brink of nuclear conflict. I remember that gay people were just beginning to crack open the closet. I remember union busting and human values being translated into corporate values. Women no longer left the home for the workplace by choice. It became an expectation. Kids were left in day care while the mothers adopted the very male values of power and competition. Hedonism was the call word of the day.

Hate became socially sanctioned in those days. It was no longer okay to be racially prejudiced against African-Americans and other Black people so other prejudices took its place. Gay people, Hispanic people and Vietnamese people were at the top of the list. As that lost acceptability, it turned to body size and social position. The harshness of judgment seeped into the commentary of the day. It was just a bit more cloaked and subtle.

The 80s were hardly all about bleached blond hair, layered clothes and drug dealers on speed dial.

It is largely that foundation that we are working with now. Somehow we have to find a comfortable balance between the extremes of the 60s and the extremes of the 80s and 90s. Cultures frequently overcompensate and go from one extreme to the other before coming back to a middle ground.

Now we have the chance to find that balance and create a society in which equality isn't an ideal on paper - but a living reality. We have the opportunity to accept diversity in a way that's not merely politically correct tolerance but true and substantial acceptance. Beyond that, we can learn to embrace them and learn to work with them for the benefit of all people.

It won't be easy because belief systems are usually the hardest to change. There's a lot of emotion and identity wrapped up in our belief systems. It will require a level of vigilance that few of us are accustomed to adopting. It means challenging ourselves to get into alignment with this new stage of social evolution. The magnitude of these changes can't be overstated.

If nothing else, the entire process should provide interesting blog fodder. We'll all have new thoughts over the next several months as we begin to see the changes.

I'll look forward to reading them.

So what are your thoughts?


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President Obama...

President Barack Obama

I have lived long enough to see several major historic events. I watched the country fall apart and begin to heal when JFK was murdered. I watched the Civil Rights Movement. I watched the first human being land on the moon. I've watched political assassinations, the war in Vietnam, Kent State, the horror of the Cold War years. I have watched a culture begin to dig itself out of the quagmire of heartless bigotry.

Never, ever, did I think I would live long enough to see a Black progressive elected president.

He did it! He did it with integrity, honor, truthfulness and a commitment to a higher ideal.

Congratulations, President Obama!

The world feels like a safer place.

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Sacred Life Sunday: Coming Through the Rain....

Thanks to all of you for your wonderful comments on my last post. Thanks for assuring me that it wasn't "stupid" to open up in such a personal way. You might not believe this ~ but I do pay attention to what you say. :)

This past month hasn't been a great one and suffice it to say that I came close to losing hope a few times. As you can imagine, there's not much life force without hope.

I'm not a score keeper in the traditional sense ~ but in my private life, I notice who is around when times get rough and who is not. I had some rude awakenings.

The same people are around all the time. As I've mentioned here, most of my fledgling community has been formed among the Lao people in my area. They are wonderful, warm, loving and generous people and I'm honored to know them and get to know them better. They have a comforting practicality along with a generous spirit that warms me. All the time. They have taught me some very valuable lessons, too, which I'll probably write about here in the fairly near future.

One of them came through for me in a very important way on Friday. It involved a sudden long drive to another city and a hurried transaction but this is something that didn't have to take place by current cultural standards. But it did.

A friend from the Lao community bought me a car.

Yes. A car.

They ain't cheap!

Naturally, I am going to pay her back as we agreed. That amount of money shouldn't be a gift from a working person who struggles like everyone else. We discussed it and agreed on pay-back terms. At the same time, there's something else I want to talk about that has nothing to do with the car specifically. I didn't nearly lose hope because of a silly car. I'm not that shallow. I lost hope because I was coming to believe there was no hope for ever getting past the separation and the nature of the social contract here which is "you're on your own". If you sink, so sorry, it's a terrible thing but that's just how it goes. Perhaps this will make me look weak in Western eyes ~ but it's too brutal for me. I'm not a cowboy sort of girl. I need the safety net of community. Without that, my life is totally and completely meaningless. The hard, cold truth is that I don't want to be here if life has to be that way.

M and her community have a very practical approach. Basically it is "I have it right now and you don't. I'll share it with you. When I need it, you'll share it with me."

That's a very sound social contract and one that makes all of us comfortable. The unspoken rule in this, of course, is "you'd better come through when it's your turn."

I think it would serve everyone well to adopt M's and her community's way of life. Imagine what it would be like if we helped each other in these simple ways. All of our lives would be so much better. This might sound facile on the surface but if you go a few layers deeper, you'll see that it's really not. It's the substance and core of life. The coming together, the sharing, the good and the bad, just the vicissitudes of life.

Over this past month and those few times I nearly lost hope, I remembered what a dark place that is. I've been there before in 2004 and consider myself lucky to have come out of it at all without following my father's footsteps.

Because that's the brutal truth of it. I wanted to die. I felt alone, abandoned and irrelevant.

I'm not given to melodrama. This is serious. Perhaps it's an exhortation of sorts because I know who could have helped and didn't. And I know we could all be doing better, including me. I know who couldn't and wanted to. And I know who did. The latter two are the ones who keep me going, who keep me rising out of bed each day and trying to exist with as much integrity and honor as possible, no matter how the outside world might look.

It's renewed my desire to give to others again, to be more generous with my own resources and to remain rooted into what I believe is the purpose of our material existence. I was beginning to pull back because it seemed that I was the only one who cared in that way. Thank God I didn't allow that callus to form. I got closer than I like to admit.

Something unrelated: Anyone have any plans for Election Night? I've decided to go get a big combination platter of Thai food and visit with a few people on the phone that evening to compare thoughts on the incoming results.

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We All Need To Be Inspired....

"I can choose peace, rather than this."
A Course in Miracles

This morning, I was talking with someone about Obama. Well, we were talking about Obama.

One of the things we discussed peripherally is how all of us need to feel inspired by others. No matter how much we claim to be entirely self-contained, that we are all islands, the need to hear words that inspire, read ideas that make us feel hopeful and to live lives that have purpose ~ all of it matters.

Tonight, I watched Obama's TV special and could feel and see the inspiration he provides. People legitimately like him. It was evident in the way they looked at him, the way they talked to him. It wasn't about cheering or turning the interaction into a rally. He's someone they would like to sit down across a table and have a good conversation with.

I was especially impressed when he talked about healing the nation.

It touched something within many of us. This country has been through a lot in the past eight years. What Bill O'Reilly has glibly called "The Culture War" has been an ideological war. It has left scars. Most people (including me) felt and still feel somewhat hopeless about it. Obama makes it seem possible that it might get turned around.

No easy fixes though. No instant solutions. This is damage that runs deep and has become so pervasive that I don't think anyone can wave a magic wand and make it all better. It will take years to turn it around, if that is what American people decide to do.

It will take a lot of willingness to be open, to be able to see a new point of view and embrace it. Creating a national character that includes, as Mario Cuomo said in 1984, love and compassion will have to be a conscious choice.

Barack Obama will be a good beginning but he isn't where it ends. It will require all of us, all of us who are willing, to adopt a new way of life and thought. It will mean reaching outside of the self (and self interest) to include others as part of our human community in a meaningful way. It will take prayer for those who pray, determination from those who are strong and a willingness to inspire by those who are so gifted. We will inspire by the beliefs we hold and the behavior we choose. We will choose by the kind of society we create. Every single day. It will mean challenging ourselves on all levels, doing the internal work necessary to be a part of a national evolution. It will require a willingness to give up harshness and duality, aggression and power-over, the belief that every person is on his or her own, that human value is determined by utility and monetary wealth.

It will be the foundation of the metaphorical village, creating both personal attitudes and public policies that encourage togetherness, the end to separation and simply choosing to love.

That is what it will take after election day, after the votes have been cast and counted. Every single one of us can choose to be a part. I hope we do.


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A Social Conservative Against Proposition 8

Today is the "Write to Marry: Blogswarm for No on 8" which is being sponsored here. Please visit.. and add your own post if you choose to write about this.

So far, I am one of the few social conservatives who has spoken out against Proposition 8.

There are many reasons for that, some are the standard "I know gay folks who are really cool" and "it's wrong to hate" reasons.

Both of those reasons are valid. They're just not the reasons I decided to take a stand against it.

I've never been one to believe personal feelings are necessarily a valid reason to create public policy. I'd rather look at the big picture and try to determine the long range social implications.

Most would agree, I suspect, that marriage creates stability in any society.

Most would agree, I suspect, that three important characteristics of any value system would be courage, character and commitment. That is something that's sorely lacking in this particular society and has been for a long time. Look at the marriage statistics. While I haven't researched it at this very moment, if I'm not mistaken, 50% of marriages result in divorce. That creates a root instability as children grow up without two parents. It has created a cheapened view of commitment, essentially saying "I'm only committed as long as it feels good".

So how in the world does it make sense to tell 10% of the population (perhaps more) that their courage, their character, their commitment to each other, shouldn't be recognized when so many complain about this very same breakdown in social values in traditional marriages?

There seems to be a misconception that gay people are only in relationships for sex and lust. (Actually, that is why I prefer the term "gay" to "homosexual" which implies that it's all about sex.)

Gay people's relationships are the same as straight people's relationships. They love the same way. They fight the same way. They want the same things. They value the same things. They want stability, just like straight people. They want commitment. Just like straight people. They want rights. Just like straight people.

To imply that their relationships are less valid, simply because they are not like "our" relationships (an erroneous belief anyway) can be described in only two ways ~ discrimination and judgement.

It has been said that choices are be made from two foundational feelings: love or fear.

We can choose love ~ or we can choose fear. Discrimination and judgement come from fear. Acceptance and inclusion grow from love?

Which would you rather choose?

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Steal this Meme... Politics

FranIAm, a blogger I've recently discovered, offers up this meme. Please be sure to read hers, too! And feel free to steal it and let me know if you decide to do it so I can link you here. It includes seven political questions for Obama supporters.


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1) What is your name (nickname, whatever you're comfortable sharing), your age (range), gender, occupation, income bracket (range), how you identify (gay/straight/whatever)? Married/Single/Divorced? Kids (how many)?

Chani, 56 yo, female. The rest of it is irrelevant. Hopefully my ideas will have some merit, regardless of my position on the social grid.


2) What are the most important issues to you in this presidential election and why?

Foreign policy, education, health care and economic equality. They are most important because I believe any country is only as civilized as the way it treats all its citizens. I also consider it very important to know how that country will behave in relation to the rest of the world.


3) Why do you think voters should vote for Obama/Biden, what differentiates this ticket from McCain/Palin?

Basically the truth of the matter is that there's only a hair's difference in packaging between the two of them. They are all wealthy people who will protect their own class interests. At the same time, I do think of Obama as being a Kennedy-like Democrat who does consider economic equality to be important. His voting record substantiates that. He can inspire with his words and ideas. He is someone who can impact the culture by changing thinking. He will be a softening influence who may begin to smooth some of the rough edges of US culture.

Ultimately, I think the senatorial and congressional elections are probably more important than the presidential election.


4) If McCain/Palin wins this election, where do you see our country going in the next four years?

I don't think it will be a "disaster". I'm not usually given to that kind of hyperbole - but definitely don't think there will be any positive change. If McCain's actions over the past several years are any indication, he will engage in a very dangerous foreign policy. Anyone who can joke about bombing other countries is not someone who is in touch with reality.

Sarah Palin is particularly scary. She, in my opinion, completely lacks compassion for all living beings. She's as hard as stone, seems mean-spirited and I have the feeling she would be the object of many, many scandals. She would be an embarrassment on the world "stage".

I shudder to think of any Supreme Court justices they might appoint.


5) Economically, where do you think this country is today and how do you think Obama/Biden can make a positive impact?

I think this country has become economically predatory. There seems to be little concern for the well-being of people in other countries or the more vulnerable in this country. The elite here have more money in their banquet budgets than most people earn in a lifetime.

Capitalism, by its very nature, is predatory. It's okay for non-essential items because it does encourage creativity but when the right to education, health care, jobs and housing are a competitive sport, something is wrong. Seriously wrong.


6) In the past 8-years, how do you think this country has changed under the Bush regime? Have you been affected by these changes? If so, in what ways?

I haven't been that affected but that doesn't matter. If any of us are affected, all of us are affected. I've seen people all over the world who have been impacted - whether it's by corporate irresponsibility, the export of market culture to other parts of the world or irresponsible military action, it all comes down to the same thing: The US has become a bully nation. There are many countries in the world that are terrified of this one... with just cause.

The cultural changes during the Bush Administration are really an extension of the Reagan years. Greed is good. Prejudice is acceptable. Social Darwinism. That all started in the 80s.

At least Reagan had a personality. He was a kind of affable "guy next door", if not terribly bright. I can't say the same for the Borg-like Bush administration and certainly can't say that for GWB, whom I consider to be a complete buffoon.


7) I have read that Palin is considered the new voice of feminism, which is offensive in my opinion. Of equal concern are her views on abortion and the removal of books from libraries. I'd like to know what you think about all of that and how you feel about McCain choosing Palin as a running mate. And what kind of message you think that sends to women?

If Palin is the new voice of feminism, Gloria Steinem must be wretching and Betty Freidan must be flipping in her grave! There is nothing "feminine" about Sarah Palin. She has used the label of feminism to justify her own raw ambition and as an excuse to adopt all the worst attributes of masculinity. Feminism is all about honoring the feminine, the nurturer, the hearth tender. It's about women, not about women behaving like men.

Honestly, I don't think McCain realizes what he's gotten himself into with her. He's not the sharpest tool in the shed. If he had been, he would have realized that she is far too aggressive, far too bombastic, far too unappealing to really do his campaign any good. If I'd been his campaign manager, I would have talked him out of it. It was a short-sighted and rather idiotic move. While the novelty of it may last for a while, the newness will wear off and people will see it for the transparent move it is.

If McCain/Palin uphold the Patriot Act, they don't need to do anything else regarding the other issues. Since 9/11, this has become a national security state with the domestic intelligence agencies (such as the FBI and NSA) having the power to violate the Constitution at will. In the name of national security, the CIA and other intelligence services continue to violate the sovereignty of other nations.

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Compassion for those we don't like....

It's a hard one. Really.

For the past week or so, I've gotten lost in my own "dislike Sarah Palin very strongly" club. (I won't say hate because I don't hate her. I just disagree with her on the most fundamental things.) I've allowed her to become a focal point for everything I dislike in US culture. To listen to her speak sets my teeth off - particularly since she has a voice that could shatter glass. Like a cat being dragged through a knothole in the fence comes to mind. I mean - truly - I don't like the woman. I don't like what she stands for and I don't like who she chooses to be.

On the other hand, I struggle with that tendencu because she is a product of her environment, just like I am. Just like most of us are. It's unlikely that she stood before the mirror one day and made a conscious decision to be who she is. She didn't sculpt herself from raw clay. She is a product of her environment, her culture, her upbringing and her spiritual conditioning. So far in her life, it's worked for her so I doubt she's done a lot of serious self-examination or made a deliberate choice to be the way she is.

So.. where I'm going with this is that I am trying (really trying) to find a place of compassion for her, to ferret out the good in her so that I can stop feeling the way I do. It's toxic for me, toxic for my environment, toxic for all of us - when one of us chooses to so strongly dislike someone that it overrides our compassion and commitment to our own values.

I'm sure she loves her kids. I'm sure she, no matter how much I disagree with her, cares about her country. She's not Mugabe. She's not Milosevic. She's not Hitler. She's a (in my mind) misguided person with some really screwy values. I'm sure she cares about something I care about - although it would probably take hours and hours of conversation between us to find that one kernel of likemindedness. We'd both have to dig and we'd both have to make a strong effort. Looking at it objectively though, even if we were trapped on an elevator together with no other options for company, I don't think she'd like me all that much, either - so that conversation would probably not take place.

Not so deep within me, I know that my non-acceptance of her as a person is just the flipside of what I perceive she does herself. I'm so rooted in my own sense of righteousness that I can't make room for her or her thinking. I "other" her because it's safer and easier than trying to find any commonality.

I know that's not good. This isn't really about Sarah Palin, although she's an expedient example. It's about me. It's about everyone who finds themselves trapped in "othering" behavior.

So.. what do we do when we find someone who so perfectly exemplifies everything that we find distasteful?

I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on this.

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As an aside, I found this link in someone's comments. It is one of the best articles I've seen yet on the topic of Sarah Palin. The comments attached to the article are good, too.

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