Other People's Choices...

Sometimes it's difficult to understand other people's choices.

I wrote here a while back about my neighbors who have a .. um... contentious relationship. Out of a sound sleep, I was awakened Wednesday night to crashing, banging and squealing coming from their apartment. Literally, I've never heard another human being squeal the way M can. She sounded like she was being gutted.

This was after a steady 2 hours of screeching and hollering in the afternoon.

Within ten minutes, I heard three loud bangs on their door. It was bad enough that a passing police officer was pounding on their door.

Without going into needless detail, she left in her car and S was taken to jail. It was around 1.00 a.m. We got back to sleep here around 3.00 a.m.

And yesterday they were both back in there like nothing happened at all. But they were quiet.

Wednesday was not a good day for me anyway. Again, I don't need to go into detail. I'll simply say it was horrible. For a variety of reasons. It was a dark place I thought I'd grown beyond.

Yesterday was a recovery day. I couldn't think clearly or concentrate on anything. Mostly, I took naps and stared mindlessly at the TV. Reading was impossible because my mind kept skipping beats.

In the afternoon, my housemate and her son were screaming and yelling at each other.

And I came to realize something.

I'm getting old.

And I'm sick and bloody tired of hearing other people's anger. I don't want to hear their yelling or their emotional outbursts. When all else is stripped away, they're usually ticked off because they can't control someone else.

Newsflash: We don't get to control other people!

I'm feeling the pull of somewhere else, another setting. It's not even necessarily Thailand but definitely someplace rural, someplace quiet, someplace where the dark underside of humanity will be hidden for a while. Someplace with a flowing stream. And trees. I want to spend some time where people at least have a basic level of contentment. Because the truth is that as long as we have food, water, a place to stay and someone who cares whether we live or die, we don't have much right to be so chronically dissatisfied.

I want to be someplace where there is some distance from the constant craving, grasping, competition and unhappiness because of ego. I want some peace.

I'm still not well today... but better.

Thanks for reading. I don't even know why I'm posting this crap. I'm sure it's of no interest, as Phil Ochs wrote, "outside of a small circle of friends".

Tell me something positive. Tell me something you're happy about. Tell me why your life is good.

~*