Harmony...

I got to thinking about why it seems that I am such an odd bird.. and have some difficulty finding commonality with others at times. It would be easy to put it in a little box and say "cultural values" but that's really not it. Culture is certainly a common set of beliefs and a way of life - but people are still individuals within that frame. All culture does is help to at least create a baseline - a foundation.

I began writing a list - the things that draw me to others, that make me want to know them better and things that seem to immediately push me away.

1) When I ask "how are you", tell me the truth. I'm really interested or I wouldn't ask.

2) Express your opinions and own them. My intellect is big enough to accept all kinds of viewpoints. If you are open to it, we can discuss. If not, I'll just listen.

3) Don't try to impress me with accomplishments. You won't succeed. I couldn't care less. The only thing I care about is the merit of your ideas and the nature of your character.

4) Don't "double-talk". In other words, don't try to manipulate me. As soon as I sense that, I want to get as far away as possible.

5) Keep your word. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you say you are going to be somewhere, be there.

6) Be kind. Don't say nasty things about other people. Don't wish ill-will on others - even if it's George Bush. No schadenfreude. If you take pleasure in the pain or misfortune of others, I simply can't be around you.

7) Listen as well as talk.

8) Kreng jai. Have a considerate heart.

9) Let me do things for you without immediately placing a price tag on it and figure you have to do something of equal value for me. Different things mean different things to different people. Don't keep score.

10) If I do something wrong, tell me. I'll listen and be open. For gosh sake, don't just disappear. There is nothing more crazy-making than someone who doesn't have the courage to tell me. I will never be able to trust you again.

So those are the top things on my list. I didn't bother to put things like "please take a shower occasionally" because I figure that's obvious. :)

What's at the top of your list? What will push you away or draw you to others?

~*

As an aside, just in case you'd like to read a great blog, Charles Eisenstein (the guy I've been raving about for the past several months) has started one. I recommend it highly!

~*

Good neighbors....

Julie can always be counted on to come up with a good topic for examination. Each week, she presents a topic for everyone to collectively examine and dumps it all on the table, each contribution, and it provides a good focal point for seeing what others have to say, their perspectives and experiences.

I like it. If you haven't already been drawn into participation, give it a look and see what you think.

Being a good neighbor is one of those concepts that can be taken in many directions, although I see it is a bit linear.

The way we treat our house mates is likely how we will treat the folks next door. How we treat the folks next door is probably how we treat our immediate community. How we treat our immediate community is likely how we treat our city. How we treat our city... and so on.

Ultimately, it is a reflection of how we treat the world. It is a reflection of our place in it and how we choose to present ourselves.

Many of the problems on a macro level are evident in the micro.

If we carelessly make noise, yell, bring negativity and abuse our immediate environment, we are probably equally inconsiderate of how we behave in the world at large.

In general, I find most people just want to live peacefully.

But there are those....

Using my neighbors as an example, their attitudes border on complete and utter selfishness, caring only about themselves and what they want.

They think nothing of blasting their music at ear-splitting levels, playing music that is both offensive in content and in sound. In order to be heard, they yell above it. They allow their children to screech and scream without regard for the sensibilities of those who must surround them.

If I could become invisible and follow them around, my guess is that they are also the ones who pull up to red lights, car shivering with pounding bass and filthy language streaming out the windows like a fetid smell.

This summer alone, I have had to call the police several times.

It fails to register with me how anyone can honestly believe that everyone within a quarter-mile radius wants to share in their reverie, why we want to share in their particular choice of electronic entertainment.

These are the same people who think nothing of coming over here and picking my roses.

It's not that I care so much about someone picking a rose. If they'd ask, I'd probably give them five.

Still, it is a self-centeredness, a lack of consideration for others an an assumption of entitlement to behave however they choose and the rest of us have to just live with it.

This is often an example I present to those who argue for anarchy. We unfortunately need laws to regulate behavior. Where simple consideration fails, we have to have a system in place to control the bad behavior of those who do not choose to live in a community.

Finally, I believe the only way to create more "good neighbors" is to start in childhood, with parents teaching the benefits and obligations that are a part of living in community. It needs to be reinforced in the schools, churches and other media involved in social engineering and cultural development. Social harmony is necessary for us to avoid annihilating each other.

~*