Sacred Life Sunday: Spirits in the Material World

Charles Eisenstein wrote an interesting blog post that brought me out of the woodwork because he wrote about something I relate to so strongly. I felt the need to talk about it.

He writes about how inept he feels in the material world, that he never seems to have much interest in building things, shaping things and controlling things. He mentions being extremely thin and even having an appearance of being separate from the material world.

I have always felt that way, too. The only difference between us, as I commented to him, is that he is extremely thin and I built a wall of fat instead ~ to protect myself from the onslaught of what he calls "the wreckage from civilization and culture".

The fat feels like a buffer and I suspect that is why all of my attempts to lose it have failed. All the diets, all the exercise and all the efforts to "will" it away haven't worked.

For some time now, I've suspected the fat was a protection. In fact, I've even written about it here. Kim Chernin has written books about it. It's not my original idea.

Still, this issue hasn't resolved because I have yet to come completely to terms with being a very spiritual person in what often feels like an overly-material world. I don't know how I would respond without the fat to protect me.

It's caused me to retreat into a very small world, one I control tightly. Even at that, the leakage comes in through the cracks in the wall. No wall is strong enough.

And I'm not sure it should be.

Retreating really doesn't work any more. I'm finding a need to be among others, to develop a more balanced attitude toward all of this, even with the knowledge that I will always live in my head and in jai - the heart. It is said that jai is the sixth sense that controls all the others and I believe that's true.

As I step out a little bit, I'm beginning to find some refuge with others. They're tucked away in little housing developments and condominium complexes, in apartments in the corners, far from the main street, sometimes in their converted garages, insulated from wide public view. They have unlisted phone numbers that are passed from hand-to-hand.

I went to such a place Friday night - which is something I will eventually blog about - but not now.

I don't know that I will ever come to terms with the material world in the way Charles Eisenstein talks about. No survivalist will ever live in this body. The very idea repels me, the idea of shaping and pounding the world into my image. Things are free here and I honor their spirit. There are no spiders killed, no building things and turning them into my personal convenience items. I have no interest in finding more and more "things" to make my life "easier".

I want to gather some things that will remind me, that will serve as symbols of my ultimate objective, which is to develop spiritually to a degree that I will be one of those hidden in a small apartment, far from the main street - and whose phone number will be passed hand-to-hand. I will do all I can to help others develop spiritually as well.

The fat will take care of itself.

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Just a note: Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments to my last post. Reading about the things that make all of you happy brought a smile to my world when I needed it.

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