We Lift Each Other Up....

Thank you all... for the beautiful and uplifting comments you left for me on yesterday's post.

It might seem silly that I say they lift me up - but they do. Anyone who downplays the importance of the things we say to each other on these sites isn't thinking. I've seen some amazing things happen - here and on other sites - when someone cuts a vein and lets it bleed into the template.

I'd like to say I've given a lot of thought to what to post tonight... but it's not true. A stomach bug bit and I've been trying to think about how to install cable in the bathroom. You know, when I can stay out of there long enough to string the wire and hook up a TV.

I know. TMI. But it's the truth - for right now.

I did want to say thanks though. I feel uplifted by the things all of you said (minus the troll) and it's a good reminder for me, too, to leave nice comments for everyone.

We can influence each other.

Tell me about the nicest comment you've ever received on your site. :)

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The Dangling Conversation....

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Looks like I went off the beam again yesterday.

I apologize.

It appeared to me that I was being "punished" in a sense for my lack of commenting. When the site remained inactive for 16 hours, it just sent me over the edge.

I suppose some would say that on some level, I must feel so guilty for *not* commenting that I would assume I'd be punished. That would be fairly consistent with who I am.

And truthfully, I do feel bad about it but I'm stuck with the condition for now. I wasn't exaggerating about the page load. This is like typing through tar.

At any rate, I apologize for my (as usual) going off half-cocked without checking my facts. I read all of your comments and I listened.

The truth is that it is very hard for me to accept that I will have to leave here one day, this place where I am surrounded by so much acceptance and love and come back there where my life is, frankly speaking, less than satisfying.

I can try from now until the day I die ~ and I will never fit in over there. I will never be surrounded by the kind of community I have here.

It's hard to say why I found it here and I have my opinions. Simply put I think it's that people are important here. They need each other. People are more important than time, busy-ness and making money. Because of that, they are less likely to put someone out of the herd because they're a bit different. The expectations aren't so high and the price for acceptance isn't quite as high. They don't demand as much. That isn't to say they don't have standards we're all expected to meet ~ but the standards are very different. If you are a kind and considerate person, you'll likely be accepted without question.

This is really too big a subject for me to address right now but I will after my thoughts are more congealed. All I know is that the idea of coming back there is breaking me apart. It's like being asked to go back to prison after a few weeks of freedom.

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Safely Safe....

This is just a quick check-in.

I did arrive safely, still have jet lag and haven't been shopping yet. :)

I'm looking forward to some shopping later this weekend.

As most know though, this isn't entirely a pleasure trip. I've been engaged in many necessary conversations, evaluating things, looking at things a new way and trying to get back in balance. It's happening, even though at times it feels a little painful.

It's like going to the chiropractor. It hurts like the devil during the treatment but feels so much better afterward.

Many things will be different when I get back. Not to detail all of it now but there are definite changes in my world.

Hope everyone is doing well. Let me know. Say something. I haven't been able to read blogs with the exception of a few things a friend has emailed to me. I gave her my password and she gets on my Google Reader, chooses a few and sends them to me. When I get back, I'll catch up.. and I promise to not make comments on old posts unless something really strikes me so much that I have to say something.

Be well! :)

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Monday Mission: Thank You....

This is my first time trying a Monday Mission. Fortunately, it is a "roll your own" process, with everyone choosing how to use a general theme. This week, it is a "thank you" letter.

This is truly freeform for me. I will start typing and see where it goes. :)

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My letter to Life Itself:

Thank you for the beautiful surroundings in which I am able to live this incarnation. The trees, the plants, the sky, the ocean, lakes and rivers, the mountains and, yes, even the desert,

Thank you for being flexible enough to allow me to come out of the desert with a soul still capable of love and forgiveness,

Thank you for the fact that I am not bitter and brittle, unable to recognize the beauty in my fellow human beings,

Thank you for my growing ability to trust.

Thank you for the sound of rain on my roof,

Thank you for the freedom to make choices,

Thank you for the people who surround me, who sustain me and who make this life feel worth living after all,

Thank you for always providing everything I need, even when I don't get everything I want,

Thank you for this incarnation, one that has been incredibly difficult but ultimately so satisfying and full,

Thank you for the animals who surround me. My little dog. The neighbor's cat. The birds that make a home in my garden. They remind me that nature is, in the final analysis, kind and reliable,

Thank you for my Homeland that consistently envelopes me in its splendor and makes me smile from the core of my being,

Thank you for everything.

I love being alive on this plane ~ and I'd even be willing to do it again.

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Stormy Weather....

Yesterday was a wild day! Most of the day, we were without power since a storm came through the area. Winds up to 67 MPH in some places, heavy rain and flooding. It was a real mess.

While I sat in the dark, I thought quite a bit about the people who didn't have anywhere to go, to escape that. When I went out to survey the damage to the house (which was fairly extensive but not irreparable), the wind was blowing me around ~ and I'm not a small girl. I can't imagine how they fared. Where did they hide to get away from it? Where did they stay warm? Where did they eat? The power was out nearly all over the entire city.

I also thought of something else far less socially conscious.

The storm reminded me of Thailand. I sat through a storm there one night that blew the windows open, blew motor scooters down the street and blanketed us in a thick hard rain that was like nothing I'd ever experienced.

It was a bit scary because we simply had no defenses against it. The storm was going to do what it was going to do. We were powerless against it.

And I'd be willing to go through that again .. to be there.

I came to the conclusion that I do need to touch base there again.

ET Wants To Go Home.

For a long time, I've tried to make it here as much as possible. The truth is though that the clothes, the furniture, the jewelry, the art, the food.. It isn't enough. There's something about being where I am understood without effort, being where I feel as though my daily life is satisfying and full, being where everything seems to fit, strongly drawing me back. Being a stranger in a strange land, even though people are certainly very nice to me and my life is hardly wretched, still takes its toll.

Balanced against the obligations I've voluntarily taken on here, I know I need to come back. And I will.

But I need that dirt beneath my feet, that air in my lungs, those people around me. I really need it. I'm hungry for it.

So.. credit cards be damned. I'm going. I'm not exactly sure of the dates yet but it will be reasonably soon.

Thanks for all your input yesterday.
:)

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Inconsequential Saturday....

This is where I write about any old dross that happens to pop into my head at the moment, most of it from the past week.

First off, I am currently reading "The Pillars of the Earth". I can not put this book down. I am reading it in the bathroom, on the treadmill, in front of the TV, in the garden. My hand is cramped from holding it. That is how good it is. Seriously, I recommend it. It's long. Nearly 1000 pages but each page is so richly written that it reminds me of Taylor Caldwell. You feel very present in the world Ken Follett has woven.

Ordinarily I don't jump on bandwagons, particularly the Oprah bandwagon. In my own defense, I bought the book two days before she announced it as her pick. It was prominently displayed at the bookstore and I had no idea it would be Oprah's Book Club Selection.

That said.... :)

Thanks for the responses about my vanity dilemma. Yes, these things are a dilemma for me. I'm a purist in most senses of that. As a friend of mine once said, if I was a Christian, I would be a fundamentalist Christian. I'm very aware of that tendency in my own thinking. If we don't truly live something, how can we claim to believe it?

I'm also on the ascetic side. Pleasure is hard for me. Not because I believe it gains me any particular merit but because somewhere in the hardwiring of my brain, I've connected pleasure for pleasure's sake with Bad Things. So when I believe I might be using the clothing for the wrong reason, it makes me question my own motives.

The clothing is to remind me where my home is, where my soul is at most peace. Doing something that, something so physical and obvious, keeps my mind focused.

But I can see where it's certainly acceptable for others to find pleasure in it. And I want to accept that graciously.

I read a post that disturbed me this week. Let's just say it was entrepreneurism gone wacky. It is only one example of the lowering of taste and class in a culture that seems to be in freefall. Marketing for the sake of marketing, not because it improves the world or our place in it, but simply because it can be marketed without any particular backlash. People have become desensitized.

And a part of me wants to get up on the soapbox and encourage people to mindfully consume, to choose purchases carefully and look not only at the object itself but where the object fits into a larger construct. That part of me is winning at the moment.

Someone once told me that everything we do is a political statement. Not political in the horse race sense of that, but political in the sense that we are supporting certain values, certain ethics and a way of life by the way we choose to consume and what we choose to consume.

I believe this is true. Nothing exists in a bubble. While it is far from me to interfere in the holidays that are coming up for most of the people who read here (not for me, thankfully), I would ask that. Directly. Please. Be careful. Choose carefully.

Your choices matter.

Okay. Enough dross for one day.

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Weekend: Mercury in retrograde...

According to astrologers, communication becomes very difficult when Mercury is retrograde. Miscommunications, lack of understanding, misunderstandings all run rampant during this time.

I don't recall the dates involved offhand but I heard a report somewhere that we are dealing with that now.

And I can attest to it. Just yesterday it seems to have started in earnest. Even with something as simple as this blog. Google Reader didn't update my feed for six hours. And that's just a minor inconvenience. The few conversations I did have (not related to here) felt like an exercise in pounding rock.

Last night I had a conversation with someone and realized "she really doesn't get it" and gave up. By the time I was done trying to get someone to get something that they simply don't get, I had a headache and felt completely wiped out. Unfortunately, I lose my temper. That's my weakness. My temper.

I didn't even get up until 8.30 this morning!

I am finding it very hard to communicate with others right now. Not that I have any trouble talking (God knows!) but being understood. It's times like this when it seems like a rather useless exercise to make my thoughts known, understood, received and heard. I think not being heard is the worst thing.

Maybe Mercury in retrograde is a good time for all of us to take a break, to stop trying to be understood.. but just a time to go into ourselves a bit more, listen to the silence and perhaps come out a bit refreshed. All of these things happen for a reason and there is an ebb and flow in nature that provides all of the things we need, even when we don't recognize it.

Needless to say, I have no intention right now to attempt any meaningful communication. I think I'll finish the book I'm reading, drink lots of tea, eat plenty of grapes and generally hide out until it gets better.

No sense in trying to swim upstream. It's too tiring and I'm not a salmon.

So tell me about you. What do you do when communication seems most difficult? I promise I'll try to get it.
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Melting Inches, Losing Fat - Friday on Saturday and Miscellany

I have to admit that I am still chuckling about the "MILF" label and its meaning.

Most of you probably think I am being less than forthcoming when I admit total ignorance of the alternate meaning. While blaming age is legitimate, the truth is that I am so bored with most movies and contemporary culture that I tune it out. To me, it means "Melting Inches, Losing Fat". If the other meaning is encouraging others to make healthier choices and allowing a community to form for support and encouragement, I'm all for it. It takes what it takes. :)

I have noticed over the past week that my body seems to be leveling itself out, taking on a bit of a different profile ~ a longer, more compact appearance. I don't think I melted inches or lost fat. It is more a subtle change in shape. I attribute that to the "30 minutes walk a day ~ no matter what." I'm beginning to believe there is some wisdom to the idea that our bodies find their own shapes and sizes, regardless of intentional manipulation through fad diets or extreme exercise programs.

In the past, prior to all the technology and industrialization that we all take for granted now, people engaged in a lot more physical activity. Even the act of cooking took a degree of physical effort. People still came in all shapes and sizes but our health was better. We weren't so sedentary.

Most people have a false belief that, for example, all Thai women are thin. While it seems a majority of them are, I also noticed heavyset women. And, yes, even some fat women. The difference between here and there is that their bodies looked sturdy. I could tell the women certainly didn't sit around on their butts all day writing blogs (like me.. *ahem*), watching TV or reading books.

They're active. They're active physically, mentally active, some of them intellectually and most of them spiritually.

That is why I now introduce my very own diet and health program, known as "The Third World Girl's Way to Health and Fitness."

It doesn't involve expensive gym memberships, tapes, CDs, DVDs or personal trainers. It does not include Denise Austin, Dancing to the Oldies, Richard Simmons or Bob Greene. Even Dr. Oz has been relegated to the ashheap of history. Capitalism has been removed from the very simple act of recognizing that our bodies instinctively know what they need and want to function properly. We do not require gimmicks to get fit. We need to cooperate with our bodies. That's all.

It works like this.. a few solid principles: When you're satisfied, stop eating. Eat sensible foods and don't listen to the pundits who come up with a new food pyramid every time their job security is at risk. Walk half an hour a day, no matter what. Take a multivitamin every single day. Stay in healthy touch with your feelings. If you feel sad, cry. Don't eat. Be sensible, be moderate in all things and let our bodies do what they are designed to do by nature which is to be healthy! Be respectful of your body.

Too simple? Probably. No one will believe it works because we're so bloody brainwashed into believing we need something external, some culturally-appointed "expert", to tell us how to do what we already know how to do, if we stop thinking, plotting and planning so much and exchange that for intuition and common sense.

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Now.. a minor gripe. We need a rainmaker here in Northern California. The "cold and sunny" weather each day is beginning to grate on my nerves, as though I am in a stupid cosmic remake of "Groundhog Day". Bring on the chants, the rituals ~ whatever it takes ~ and break this pattern!


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Peace,

~Chani