Weekend Chatter.....

I've made the decision to surround myself with positive books and positive thoughts for a while. This is like anything else. It's a habit. Thinking negatively and my own personal downfall, cynicism, takes a deliberate effort to change.

I ordered a few books this morning based on the recommendations of Olivia at Happy Luau. Any of you who have not visited her blog, please do. She is someone whose thoughts resonate very well with my own - but she has the added advantage of being good at translating motivation to action which is not one of my finer honed skills.

So I am following her lead on the books. I've ordered "The Yoga of Eating" and "The Ascent of Humanity", the latter of which I suspect more succinctly says what I've been trying to say on this site for the past seventeen months. The difference of course is that Charles Eisenstein is an educated, clear thinker where I am tangential.

This changing.. this changing our thinking.. I've never believed is a matter of simply choosing to do it differently. It's a process of education, of learning. We have to learn to think differently. Saying "I refuse these thoughts" is useless unless we replace it with something else.

~*

On another issue, I was reading a blog this morning that seems to be promoting bigotry. She says (the only reason I am linking is for verification, not because I want to give her the link or unknowingly promote her blog.) that learning to say (and teaching others to say) "I hate fat people" will be one way to discourage people from eating too much, from getting fat to begin with. I find that manner of thinking to be small-minded and utterly hateful. In a way that is not typical of me, I left a snarky comment.

It wasn't anonymous. I own the comment and am willing to defend it.

The dialogue continues. Please feel free to come by and join. It could get interesting.. but please be nice. :)

~*

There are a lot of people who believe that shaming works, that we can shame people into changing patterns or doing things differently. Shame and fear. "I better not be fat because people will hate me and I'll be shunned" is very different than "I don't want to be fat because I respect my body and my life. I want to be healthy."

~*

So.. what do you do to stay positive?



~Chani

Fat, fat, fat.....

Okay. I'm still dealing with weight loss stuff.

I'm bored with it. By now, I should be so thin that slipping through a keyhole shouldn't be a problem. I should be non-existent!

When I was over there in the place that shall not be mentioned, I was beginning to lose pounds. Even though I just looked like a smaller pear instead of a big one, it was progress. We lived largely on a diet of rice and vegetables, rice and fruit and occasional meat dishes from the local food stalls. We drank lots of tea and water. I never felt hungry or deprived. Occasionally, I'd have a diet coke but it wasn't every day.

So... being a reasonably intelligent person, you'd think I'd be smart enough to continue that here. Right? And I have. To a degree.

But I'm munching again. Yesterday, I plowed through an unseemly number of crackers and onion dip. I drank diet Coke all day.

It didn't take long for the emotional eating to start again. This is my greatest downfall. I have an addictive personality and I replaced booze with food. The problem is that I can't choose to stop eating the way I chose to stop drinking.

As of today, no more Diet Coke and no more coffee. I'll go back to tea, rice and vegetables, rice and fruit and an occasional meat dish from... well.. somewhere.

So.. again.. today... no more. That's it. I'm going to lose this weight if it kills me... which it very well might.

If I can quit drinking, I can quit this. Right?

~*

Completely Fluffy Friday .. Weight Loss, funny commercials and Uh Oh moments...

As for weight loss, aside from the rather desperate long walks of a week ago, I have had trouble motivating myself to get off my behind. I've been eating horrible things that will probably send me to hell ~ so I don't have anything positive to report.

The good news is that I will get over this phase and get back to doing something.

~*

Just wondering what it says about me that I can (still) sing along to all of the lyrics of "Up Against the Wall Redneck Mothers"? And at 6 a.m., at that?


~*

Commercials can be really annoying but sometimes a clever one comes along that just has me laughing out loud.

Here's one:




Are there any commercials that make you laugh?



Peace,


~Chani

A Perfectly Perfect Spring Day....

Today is the first perfectly perfect spring day.

I got a slow start and waited until the last minute to begin getting ready to meet my friend P for a dim sum lunch. We went to a restaurant I'd never been to before and ate some of the best Chinese food I've had in a very long time.

It's difficult to see this picture but the place is rather large and there were so many people, it was nearly unbelievable. I quipped to P. that we might need to write notes. :)

Waitpeople brought trays around with all sorts of dilectable offerings, many of them with pork (which I love) and we sampled nearly all of them. We had shrimp rolls, spring rolls , and all sorts of pork dishes. We finished off with mango and chestnut tea.

Yum!

The greatest part though was to be able to spend a few hours with a friend I value, someone whose opinions and thoughts on things matter and balance my perspective. We talked about several subjects, including this blog and its purpose. (Thanks, P. Even though I don't know you all that well yet, I value our friendship very much and hope it will continue for a long time. I trust you. Instinct. :)

I'm not entirely ready to talk about all of that yet in written form but I am definitely going to continue on with the blog ~ and deal with the Thai values issue. The best way to do that is to periodically answer a nastygram. There are several of them backed up and I can use those as a launching pad. I don't get tons of nastygrams but they usually have something to do with Thai issues. I can also give a longer reply to a comment periodically, one that asks a question or brings up a specific issue for me to answer.

That way, I won't bore anyone silly discussing it every day but also will be able to begin creating a context for some of my writing.

When P dropped me off, he also gave me some CDs he'd copied of Chinese music. The main instrument is the Erhu. It is a soft, haunting instrument that often sounds almost human. It's sounds like humming. If they don't play this music in heaven, I don't want to go. :)

I came into the back yard to sit for a while and noticed that some of the plants are beginning to bloom.

This is one of the azalea plants. There are several of them and they bloom all over the yard in a variety of colors. We have pink ones, red ones, white ones. As you can imagine, it is heavenly out here in the spring.

The camelias are blooming. They are possibly the most beautiful flower that ever existed on this planet. This bush is white but we also have pink ones.

The status of my back yard must make fascinating reading for all of you. Sometimes it's just pleasant to notice these little things. Unfortunately, I also notice the big things.

Wow! Do I ever look fat in these pictures!

MILF (melting inches .. losing fa .. yeah.. yeah. um) related: I will go back counting points. Even though I want to stomp my feet and scream I don't wanna, I'll do it anyway. Spring, as they say, is the time for new beginnings. I'll frame it in that context and start once again down the path I abandoned last month.

All in all, a worthy day to be alive. Somehow, the first noticeable day of spring always seems that way.


Peace,


~Chani

MILF: Mindful consumption....

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Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful consumption, I am committed to cultivating good health, both physical and mental, for myself, my family, and my society by practicing mindful eating, drinking, and consuming. I will ingest only items that preserve peace, well-being, and joy in my body, in my consciousness, and in the collective body and consciousness of my family and society. I am determined not to use alcohol or any other intoxicant or to ingest foods or other items that contain toxins, such as certain TV programs, magazines, books, films, and conversations. I am aware that to damage my body or my consciousness with these poisons is to betray my ancestors, my parents, my society, and future generations. I will work to transform violence, fear, anger, and confusion in myself and in society by practicing a diet for myself and for society. I understand that a proper diet is crucial for self-transformation of society.
~*

While reading this passage earlier today, I became frightfully aware that this is still a weakness with me. I do not consume food mindfully. Until I get through this, it is unlikely that I will make any further progress.

Still processing this. Any input is welcome. It's something I need to work through.



Peace,


~Chani

Melting Inches, Losing Fat - Even the fat in my head....

My body is continuing to morph into something longer and a bit leaner ~ but definitely rounded. A few pounds are gone.

I attribute that mainly to exercise. The 30-minutes a day, no matter what, does work! Seriously, I can't recommend it enough.

Older bodies take more time ~ and I'm okay with that. For some reason, I've managed to come to peace with the fact that I will not be orchestrating this to the nth degree and there is no amount of plotting and planning that will make the river flow any faster than it will. While I knew that from the beginning, the fat in my head led me down the wrong road for a time, believing that I could will my body into doing something it is not ready to do.

It's an overall lesson I need to learn occasionally, to remember that attaching to the outcomes of things will usually lead me to frustration and irritation, eventually sabotaging everything I am wanting to see happen. We can get to a point where everything is about goal instead of process.

Bad move.

I look forward to visiting everyone's site this weekend, just to see how you're doing and pluck the wisdom where I can.


Peace,


~Chani

Melting Inches, Losing Fat - Friday on Saturday and Miscellany

I have to admit that I am still chuckling about the "MILF" label and its meaning.

Most of you probably think I am being less than forthcoming when I admit total ignorance of the alternate meaning. While blaming age is legitimate, the truth is that I am so bored with most movies and contemporary culture that I tune it out. To me, it means "Melting Inches, Losing Fat". If the other meaning is encouraging others to make healthier choices and allowing a community to form for support and encouragement, I'm all for it. It takes what it takes. :)

I have noticed over the past week that my body seems to be leveling itself out, taking on a bit of a different profile ~ a longer, more compact appearance. I don't think I melted inches or lost fat. It is more a subtle change in shape. I attribute that to the "30 minutes walk a day ~ no matter what." I'm beginning to believe there is some wisdom to the idea that our bodies find their own shapes and sizes, regardless of intentional manipulation through fad diets or extreme exercise programs.

In the past, prior to all the technology and industrialization that we all take for granted now, people engaged in a lot more physical activity. Even the act of cooking took a degree of physical effort. People still came in all shapes and sizes but our health was better. We weren't so sedentary.

Most people have a false belief that, for example, all Thai women are thin. While it seems a majority of them are, I also noticed heavyset women. And, yes, even some fat women. The difference between here and there is that their bodies looked sturdy. I could tell the women certainly didn't sit around on their butts all day writing blogs (like me.. *ahem*), watching TV or reading books.

They're active. They're active physically, mentally active, some of them intellectually and most of them spiritually.

That is why I now introduce my very own diet and health program, known as "The Third World Girl's Way to Health and Fitness."

It doesn't involve expensive gym memberships, tapes, CDs, DVDs or personal trainers. It does not include Denise Austin, Dancing to the Oldies, Richard Simmons or Bob Greene. Even Dr. Oz has been relegated to the ashheap of history. Capitalism has been removed from the very simple act of recognizing that our bodies instinctively know what they need and want to function properly. We do not require gimmicks to get fit. We need to cooperate with our bodies. That's all.

It works like this.. a few solid principles: When you're satisfied, stop eating. Eat sensible foods and don't listen to the pundits who come up with a new food pyramid every time their job security is at risk. Walk half an hour a day, no matter what. Take a multivitamin every single day. Stay in healthy touch with your feelings. If you feel sad, cry. Don't eat. Be sensible, be moderate in all things and let our bodies do what they are designed to do by nature which is to be healthy! Be respectful of your body.

Too simple? Probably. No one will believe it works because we're so bloody brainwashed into believing we need something external, some culturally-appointed "expert", to tell us how to do what we already know how to do, if we stop thinking, plotting and planning so much and exchange that for intuition and common sense.

~*

Now.. a minor gripe. We need a rainmaker here in Northern California. The "cold and sunny" weather each day is beginning to grate on my nerves, as though I am in a stupid cosmic remake of "Groundhog Day". Bring on the chants, the rituals ~ whatever it takes ~ and break this pattern!


~*

Peace,

~Chani

MILF Friday on Saturday

As usual, I don't have a lot to report beyond a couple of pounds and perhaps another fraction of an inch.

It occurs to me though that taking a good multivitamin is essential to lose weight so I decided to look into that a bit. I've recently changed multivitamins and the new one is producing better results than the cheaper Target brand.

It turns out that I am at least partially right in my intuition about it. It's said that as we take the vitamins, it boosts the immune system so our bodies don't hang on to the fat in fear that more nutrients won't be coming.

Since I've been on the new one for a few weeks and pounds are beginning to drop off instead of just inches.

I am not an active person by nature. I live a very quiet, sedate life that doesn't include the usual busy-ness that many others experience. In some ways, my daily life is actually rather contemplative. I sit a lot. During spring and early summer, I walk a good number of miles but I need all the help I can find on the "off-season".

So this week's discovery is that a good multivitamin helps even those of us who are not overly active. Green tea also seems to be boosting my metabolism. I am still walking 30 minutes a day, even if it is only walking in place.

For the next few weeks, I have a motivator. I spent quite a bit of money (which I can ill-afford) on another shipment from Thailand. The wrap pants I bought are a bit tight so I'd better get the exercise on.

Chok dee (good luck) to all this next week. :)


Peace,

~Chani

Rubenesque: MILF Friday

This week I came to a certain level of acceptance. That's not to say I accept my weight as it is, but I do accept that it will never return to the Twiggy look of my youth, when I was 5'4" and 96 pounds. In other words, really, it's just a matter of accepting my age and all that comes with it. It will not be possible to shed pounds like I did 30 years ago. It's a longer, more laborious process. The most important thing seems to be keeping a realistic and healthy perspective.

There's nothing unattractive or unhealthy at all about a firm Rubenesque body. The firmness is what matters, the healthy look rather than flabby and pasty. The flab communicates a message that I don't want to send, a message of depression, lack of nurturing and indifference. I came to this conclusion by doing some very difficult personal journaling, facing some core issues head-on.

I've lost inches this week but very little in terms of pounds. The truth is that with my vigorous walks, walking in place and aerobic exercise, I should have lost more. Over the next month or so, I might just visit my doctor for a thyroid test. It's always possible that mine is a little slow.

And here's a recommendation for those who, like me, need encouragement and a "road map" in this process.

http://www.kpcoach.org/ Change Your Life The S.M.A.R.T. Way. It is sponsored by Kaiser Permanente. No need to be a member to join. The good part in this is the interactive nature of it. Click on the link to check it out.


Peace,


~Chani

MILF Friday and Body Image...

Today is the day I am supposed to write about diets, losing weight and progress or lack of it.

This week has been cold and I haven't made the progress I'd like. While I've kept to the program of a few hundred calories less per day and a 30 minute walk a day (even when it felt like the Bataan death march, once or twice), the scale has not budged an ounce. So, again, I will tweek it and work with it a bit more until I find the magic combination that kicks my metabolism into "it's safe to dump pounds" mode. There are a few new things I want to try, including doubling up on those walk times. This weekend will not be the start of that however since we're supposed to have freezing temperatures.

Putting that aside, there is something important I need to address about all of this dieting stuff. Dieting is good, certainly, and a healthy diet and exercise is important. One of the main things, I believe, is to be clear on our motives.

Last week, Patricia of Windchimewalker challenged me about sizism and the cultural edict that we must be rake-thin to be acceptable. She was right to do so and I have given it a lot of thought over the past week.

Any prejudice is destructive ~ but prejudice against people due to body size is particularly pernicious. There are many reasons why people become heavy and it is very rarely because they are lazy slobs who have no will power when it comes to food. Weight is not a character issue. People who are overweight need support and encouragement, not judgement and vilification. Shame on anyone who sees a heavy person and thinks "fat slob" or "pig" or "heifer"! Shame! It not very often that I will call "shame" on this blog unless George Bush is involved but under these circumstances, I believe it is appropriate. There is no excuse for that kind of talk or behavior. It comes from the bully mentality, the one that says, "I will feel better about myself by putting you down." Yuck!

Food can indeed be a comforter and it was mine for a long time. That is how I became overweight. I was suffering from an undiagnosed major depression and food is how I medicated myself. As a recovering alcoholic, I couldn't very well go out and tie one on. (As a matter of fact, when I was drinking I was reed-thin... scrawny even.) But when the energy to get up and walk across the room to get a book from the bookshelf seems like a Herculian effort, the idea of making healthy meals or exercising is beyond the pale.

For those who feel battered and bruised by the world in general, fat feels like a protective layer over our very souls. It is a barrier between me and you. There have been books written on this topic, the best one in my opinion (even though it is a bit old) is probably Kim Chernin's "The Obsession: The Tyranny of Slenderness". It's very important that we realize why people become overweight and address those issues, many of which should be of more concern to feminists and others who care about women's lives (and men's lives, although the unrealistic body standard seems to be imposed on women more than men) . Health care providers need to be educated on this topic as well as the general public.

My goal in this weight loss effort is to insure a healthier old age. There are health risks with obesity. Even being moderately overweight can bring risks. I'm not talking about ten vanity pounds but mid-double digits. Hypertension and arthritis are real risks, not something made up by the Only-Thin-Need-Apply oligarchy. It is not about beauty. It needs to be about health. And our approach to it needs to be holistic. One of the questions I have asked myself about losing weight and perhaps the most important one is "why am I doing this and what are my real feelings about it?" I believe obesity and fat is as much a metaphysical issue as it is a physical one.

On this I am clear: I am not willing to intentionally lose even one more pound than is necessary to be healthy. I am also clear that I would never want a friend, male or otherwise, who wouldn't accept me as I am, regardless of my weight. I am very clear that a bunch of clothing vendors and weight loss merchants will not be making money by appealing to my vanity or determining the acceptable body type for women. I am clear that I am not giving into a cultural standard of beauty that harms women. And I am clear that it is okay to lose weight now. I am safe. I don't need to hang on to the weight to feel protected. I am ready.

I hope all of us will examine our motives and make sure we are doing this for the right reason. In fact, I would go so far as to say it probably won't work if our motives are not clear.


Peace,

~Chani