Socially contagious???

Thanks for the comments yesterday. It sounds like we're all thinking the same thing. While I had that post up, I saw the following story on Fox News and CNN. I sat with my mouth agape:

This is one of those stories that really makes me want to say.... what the hell are they thinking..?

In case, you don't want to click on the link, here's the story in a nutshell.

Your friends are making you fat. If you hang around with fat people, you might become fat.

They are suggesting shunning?

In this day and age? At least we can honestly say the more things change, the more they stay the same.

Take you back to another era?

"Away you scullion! you rampallion! you fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe."

Couldn't resist the Shakespearean insult. Sometime in the recent past, we were sharing Shakespearean insults in someone's comment section.

This is my last post on body image for a while. I just couldn't resist bringing this one to the table though. I'll put up a weekend post this afternoon on a different topic. Check back then. :)


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Acceptable prejudice.....

(Note: Just wanted to wish safe travels to all leaving for the BlogHer conference this weekend. I hope it is wonderful for all of you! )

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Yesterday, during our discussion of political correctness and prejudice, Snoskred made a comment that stuck with me most of the evening. It's not that I wasn't aware of it. It's just that I hadn't thought of it in any consistent manner. It flew through my head, I agreed with it and went on to some other burning thought ~ you know, usually something like "where's the remote control?"

Anyway, she raised the point that overweight people are experiencing the latest socially acceptable prejudice.

In so many ways, this is true. It's subtle... but it does seem to be okay to mention openly when someone is heavy, but we'd never think to say "geez, that guy has such a big nose" or "she has really ugly teeth." It just wouldn't happen. Well, at least it wouldn't happen among intelligent people who manage to focus on more important things.

I've even caught myself a few times saying things that bordered on unkind. One day, a few weeks ago, I drove Miss D. to the base to pick up some things she needed. There was a woman hanging out in front, waiting for someone. She was a heavyset woman. She was wearing tight polyester pants and a horizontally striped shirt.

I commented to D. that I didn't understand why heavyset people wouldn't know better than to wear tight pull-on pants and certainly shouldn't be wearing anything with horizontal stripes.

"It only makes us look bigger!" Being overweight, I felt justified in using "us" instead of "they".

"Most fat people don't care," she said back.

As I was driving back home, I realized what a rotten thing that was to say. By then, we'd switched to another topic so I didn't have an opportunity to redeem myself.

But I can do it here. That was a catty and petty thing to say and, honestly, I feel some shame in admitting that I was so small-minded.

Snoskred stated a truth. This is one of the final bastions of acceptable prejudice. Commenting on the body types of others and making judgments about it is still considered harmless in most circles. Where are the PC Police when it comes to sensitivity to heavy people?

Perhaps the woman at the base didn't realize it. Maybe she doesn't know that horizontal stripes make her look bigger. Not everyone is like me. Not everyone is concerned with fashion. Not everyone has the luxury of spending an hour each morning pouring over and choosing Thai outfits. Maybe she had much bigger things on her mind than her striped shirt.

We never know these things and truthfully, it was none of my bloody business at any rate! It certainly qualifies as a violation of my own cultural values.

It would be interesting to hear from others. Do you find this prejudice to be true in your circles as well?

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We Are Stardust.....

I've really been into this "love your body" thing lately.

Yeah. I know. Boring as hell....

But I found an interesting twist on it. At least for me, I've really had to get beyond the cultural claptrap and nonsense that basically boils down to "if you love your body, you will look a certain way, you will do certain things", all of which come back to following cultural edicts.

When I was in Thailand, the women were lovely... and I don't necessarily mean they were "thin". Some were rotund and heavyset. Some were thin. Some were short. Some were tall.

Here's what they had in common. They all looked comfortable in their bodies. They didn't primp or polish. They didn't seem at all concerned about irrelevant things. They just... loved their bodies and respected them. They often worked hard and that created a look of usefulness. They were not self-conscious and vain. They simply existed in their bodies.

I took a look at my body today when I got out of the shower. Stripped of the Thai clothes which have become so much a part of my image. I need a haircut. I look puffy and unkempt in a way that finally sunk past my rebellion against an enforced body image to an ultimate realization:

If this person before me was my friend, my child, my aunt, my grandmother or my mother, I would do something about it! I would make sure she gets to the dentist a bit sooner. I would make sure she ate better food. I would make sure she understood that the outside can often reflect the inside.

I would recognize what I have not wanted to recognize. I would recognize that this is a person who has been neglected for far too long! And I would want to participate in getting her better.

And I have no one to blame for this condition but myself!

We are given these bodies for a reason. We come with them not only as shelters for our souls, but as functioning machines. They are designed perfectly, right down to our toenails. Our eyes, our arms, our legs, our ears, our fingers.... Our bodies come from Source, just as much as our souls.

Somewhere I read this: We all come from stardust.

And mistreating our bodies is a sign of spiritual sickness.

In my case, it originated with self-loathing and was further fueled by a fierce rebellion against a body image that was developed, no doubt, by white males in advertising companies who come up with it for their own pleasure.

More objectification of women. And, yes, I do believe that is what it's all about. It has nothing to do with our health or our well-being. It has to do with what men want women to look like.

I rebelled against that so strongly that I lost sight of the forest for the trees.

This body has to carry me through until the end of my life, whenever that will be.

I resolve here, today, to take better care of my body in the future. It doesn't need to be overly thin... but another 50 pounds of lost fat won't hurt me any. I'm going to take care of my hair.. and my muscles with more exercise. And what foods I consume. All of these things I am going to do because...

... We are stardust. We are a part of everything else ... and to neglect ourselves is to neglect everyone and everything else.

And I promise that eventually I'll get off of all this self-centered posting. I hope you all will stick with me through it. It's just something I have to walk through right now to get to the other side of it. There's light over there... I can almost feel the heat from it... and I have to keep walking toward it. Believe me, I am not being intentionally annoying. For now, I appreciate all the encouragement and support you've been to me so far.. and hopefully for a while longer.

Also, I'd like to publicly thank Cecileaux for his email this morning. He summarized some things that I really needed to hear. In my next life, I'm going to have a brain like his! :)


Peace,


~Chani

MILF Friday and Body Image...

Today is the day I am supposed to write about diets, losing weight and progress or lack of it.

This week has been cold and I haven't made the progress I'd like. While I've kept to the program of a few hundred calories less per day and a 30 minute walk a day (even when it felt like the Bataan death march, once or twice), the scale has not budged an ounce. So, again, I will tweek it and work with it a bit more until I find the magic combination that kicks my metabolism into "it's safe to dump pounds" mode. There are a few new things I want to try, including doubling up on those walk times. This weekend will not be the start of that however since we're supposed to have freezing temperatures.

Putting that aside, there is something important I need to address about all of this dieting stuff. Dieting is good, certainly, and a healthy diet and exercise is important. One of the main things, I believe, is to be clear on our motives.

Last week, Patricia of Windchimewalker challenged me about sizism and the cultural edict that we must be rake-thin to be acceptable. She was right to do so and I have given it a lot of thought over the past week.

Any prejudice is destructive ~ but prejudice against people due to body size is particularly pernicious. There are many reasons why people become heavy and it is very rarely because they are lazy slobs who have no will power when it comes to food. Weight is not a character issue. People who are overweight need support and encouragement, not judgement and vilification. Shame on anyone who sees a heavy person and thinks "fat slob" or "pig" or "heifer"! Shame! It not very often that I will call "shame" on this blog unless George Bush is involved but under these circumstances, I believe it is appropriate. There is no excuse for that kind of talk or behavior. It comes from the bully mentality, the one that says, "I will feel better about myself by putting you down." Yuck!

Food can indeed be a comforter and it was mine for a long time. That is how I became overweight. I was suffering from an undiagnosed major depression and food is how I medicated myself. As a recovering alcoholic, I couldn't very well go out and tie one on. (As a matter of fact, when I was drinking I was reed-thin... scrawny even.) But when the energy to get up and walk across the room to get a book from the bookshelf seems like a Herculian effort, the idea of making healthy meals or exercising is beyond the pale.

For those who feel battered and bruised by the world in general, fat feels like a protective layer over our very souls. It is a barrier between me and you. There have been books written on this topic, the best one in my opinion (even though it is a bit old) is probably Kim Chernin's "The Obsession: The Tyranny of Slenderness". It's very important that we realize why people become overweight and address those issues, many of which should be of more concern to feminists and others who care about women's lives (and men's lives, although the unrealistic body standard seems to be imposed on women more than men) . Health care providers need to be educated on this topic as well as the general public.

My goal in this weight loss effort is to insure a healthier old age. There are health risks with obesity. Even being moderately overweight can bring risks. I'm not talking about ten vanity pounds but mid-double digits. Hypertension and arthritis are real risks, not something made up by the Only-Thin-Need-Apply oligarchy. It is not about beauty. It needs to be about health. And our approach to it needs to be holistic. One of the questions I have asked myself about losing weight and perhaps the most important one is "why am I doing this and what are my real feelings about it?" I believe obesity and fat is as much a metaphysical issue as it is a physical one.

On this I am clear: I am not willing to intentionally lose even one more pound than is necessary to be healthy. I am also clear that I would never want a friend, male or otherwise, who wouldn't accept me as I am, regardless of my weight. I am very clear that a bunch of clothing vendors and weight loss merchants will not be making money by appealing to my vanity or determining the acceptable body type for women. I am clear that I am not giving into a cultural standard of beauty that harms women. And I am clear that it is okay to lose weight now. I am safe. I don't need to hang on to the weight to feel protected. I am ready.

I hope all of us will examine our motives and make sure we are doing this for the right reason. In fact, I would go so far as to say it probably won't work if our motives are not clear.


Peace,

~Chani