I need a yenta!

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about marriage and what kind of marriage would work best for me.

Even though I do quite well alone and don't mind being alone all that much, when we get to a certain age, it's important to have a companion. That's just practical, if nothing else.

My recent attempt to "date" left more than a sour taste in my mouth. It really confirmed that it is something I don't want to do, can't do and see no reason to do.

Even though my previous marriage didn't work out for other reasons, we did do one thing right. We skipped the "dating". We were both looking for someone, we both wanted to be married and as soon as we realized we didn't dislike each other so much that leaving us in the same room would risk a visit from the Homicide Unit, we decided to get married.

There was no pressure on me to "put out". There was no pressure on him to perform his manly duty of giving me money and protect me. We were both a couple of nerds who liked science fiction and computers.

There was nothing but friendship. No fireworks. No "chemistry". Just friends.

And lately I've been thinking that's not an entirely bad thing. So, we didn't have sparks flying. You know what? Honestly? I don't even believe that happens. I believe there are many people who are in love with the idea of love but not the practicality of it. Some people want to have that feeling so they create it. It's sui generis. It wouldn't matter if it's you or me or a slab of venison. If someone wants to become infatuated, he will. She will. Blame all the Meg Ryan movies.

One of the things that occured with my last dating experience is the guy telling me that he adores me. He'd say "I adore you! I really adore you!" It didn't "melt my heart". It just scared the snot out of me.

He'd known me for three weeks. He didn't even know me well enough to know my favorite color, let alone my values, my customs, my way of life or my character. Adore me? Talk about crapping on a biscuit and trying to convince me it's a chocolate cake! He just wanted to be "in love". And he must have thought I have the IQ of an answering machine!

Yawn.

I don't believe we "adore" other human beings. Save that for God.

I don't believe in love at first sight, "chemistry" or any of those other romantic myths. I believe we find a decent person, someone who has a cool sense of humor, a sense of responsibility, a good heart and we choose to love that person.

When we choose to love, it means we choose to be honorable, trustworthy, kind, compassionate and helpful. It means we recognize the divine in another human being and we treat them with respect.

It's not all that complicated. At least not to this simple mind.

I want to marry a buddy. I want to be comfortable, secure, safe and know that the person I am with will care about me the way my friends care. I want to know that he will be able to accept that caring from me, the way I care for my friends. We will also accept each other the way friends do.

My friends have always been a more valued presence in my life than any "dating" relationship.

Dating customs in this culture are repulsive, demeaning and demoralizing. (I have some controversial beliefs on this which I will keep to myself.) It's a cattle call, people looking at each other with the goal-directed objective of finding another human being to fulfill all their fantasies.

Fantasies are fantasies for a reason.

The marketing aspect of it has completely alienated me. When I even think about trying it again, my stomach gets queasy. I'd rather visit the dentist than even think about trying it.

I need a yenta.

(Are there yentas in Thailand? Hm. I'll have to check on that.)

I want her to find a man for me, assure me that he's decent and kind, that he's responsible and reliable. If he cares more about character than body type, that would be great. Wow. What a concept, that!

Find him for me, Yenta. I'll make it work from there.


Peace,


~Chani