Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Showdown at the OK Corral.....

Let me start this by saying that without qualification, I hate violence!

I am a person who has never been physically violent in her life ~ until this morning.

I know this will require some explanation.

In the past, I've mentioned that there is quite a bit of drama around this house. My two housemates are related. That means other family members show up as well. Today, it was V. M., and D. (I hid in my part of the house. That's too much interaction for me...)

D. is the homeowner. The rest of us rent. V. is her son. He is here indefinitely while he sobers up which occurs at least every few weeks. M. is V's brother and he comes around regularly.

This morning M showed up to read the newspaper, sit around or something. V. and D. were moving things from one room to another which seems to be a perverse obsession with both of them. Neither know the meaning of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." They both have the need to constantly create change. It is enough to make even laconic me a bit crazy.

To keep this brief, V. was irritated with M's lack of activity, wanting him to get up and help with the moving exercise. M had no desire to be involved.

It came to blows. As I sat here reading, I heard chairs being turned over, commotion in the livingroom and the obvious sounds of a fight.

When I opened the door to my unit and went in the direction of the livingroom, D. was standing in the sun room, immobilized. Some lively invective was coming from the two men.

"You want to die now?"

"Go ahead! Do it!"

"You m&^%^$f*&^%!"

I could hear bodies rolling around. By the time I got into the room, I saw M punching at V. V had his hands around M's throat, choking him.

I guess it was instinct but I ran over and jumped on V's back, trying to pull him off. I gave him a solid wallop, right alongside his head. All three of us rolled around a bit on the floor but at least V let go of M's throat!

They continued yelling at each other but at least they were no longer fighting.

"Go into the spare room and sit until you've calmed down. What the hell do you think you're doing? Are you out of your f***ing mind?! You were choking him!"

My voice felt disconnected from my body.

"He started it!"

Just like a five-year-old! That was V's response.

I pointed my finger and said, "Go!"I sounded like a stern nanny sending her child to the bedroom for a time-out. This would probably only make sense to someone who knows me personally, how out of character it is for me to raise my voice or to behave in a manner that could even remotely be considered bossy. One would have to know how unassertive I truly am. If anything, I am more likely to engage in passive-aggression. I was raised that way.

No one was more surprised than me when he minded. He swore and mumbled but he went.

D. still stood in the sun room, immobilized. Crying.

You know... I am a patient person. Truly. I try to understand things from all angles and discern the best course of action ...

... but I think this is insane!

It is an insane way to live. And I'm really going to have to decide whether or not I can continue to stay where there is any kind of violence. I can't stand verbal violence, emotional violence and especially physical violence.

Keep in mind that both of those men are over 45. There are no children in this house. It never ceases to amaze me how D. can continue allowing this kind of behavior from grown people. She's so intimidated by possible rejection from them that she puts up with more nonsense every week than I can imagine in a lifetime. I'm getting it that this will not change. They can change the furniture every two weeks ~ but the behaviors will never change.

It may be time to start looking for another place to live.

This has really disgusted me.




Anonymous said...

Time for you to leave those people, and live alone in your own home.

Julie Pippert said...

Oh I can imagine having this strong a reaction too. I don't know what's best...the feelings are pretty raw just now, and I don't know if you can communicate with them. But if this is regular? Maybe you are right. GL. (HUG)

jen said...

ah. yes. you've mentioned the drama before, and it's all been unhealthy.

today, though, crossed the line into scary. you could have been hurt. in the place you pay money to live.

i am glad you are ok. and i know you know what you need to do.

Bob said...

I'm glad you weren't hurt.

I can't remember the last time I witnessed a fight (that wasn't between our kids!). I am under the impression that you've lived here a while and I am assuming this is the first time this has happened since you've lived there. I would counsel waiting too. Although, based on earlier posts about how V is taking advantage of D and how that seems to be affecting you, maybe looking for new digs wouldn't be a bad idea. I just wouldn't make a decision like this so soon after the fray.

Anvilcloud said...

A household for Dr Phil, I'd say.

MsLittlePea said...

Intimidated by possible rejection? I think I'd PREFER the rejection that to have two grown children who don't know how to act like adults. And to behave that way in my home and the home of my tenants who deserve peace and comfort as well! This is mostly her fault for allowing this.

I'm really glad things didn't escalate and that you are ok-how stressful that must be for you! I hope things calm down over there for you--I'd hate to move but would seriously consider it, I hate drama too.

caro said...

That must have been quite a scene. Draining and exausting. Who needs this crap?

meno said...

Sounds like you are the only adult in that house. I am totally in awe of you breaking up that fight.

I am also concerned that you could have been hurt. Take care of yourself, your rental agreement does not include you needing to provide adult supervision.

Pam said...

45 you say? You could use your own space! So glad you weren't hurt.

Everyone has their limits, sorry you had to be pushed to yours.

QT said...

Wow Chani - I am so glad you weren't hurt. I can't believe the mom just stood there! I agree that you probably don't need to continue exposing yourself to that energy. It must be draining for you.

slouching mom said...

Wow, though, I'm in awe of your bravery.

Yep, if at all possible, time to go.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Chani, dear Chani,

This is nothing new there; it is merely escalating. Consider it a test of your own resolve not to live in a place where unpredictable violence is predictable.

As others have pointed out, you could have been hurt. Physical violence is always shocking for me to witness, and the verbal kind is only slightly less so.

I know that the mechanics of moving can take a lot out of you, but continuing to live in a place that is out of control will ultimately cost you more, day after day.

You know it's time for a change.

flutter said...

pardon me for saying, but JESUS. It is so beyond time for you to get the hell out, but good for you for standing up for everyone.

kaliroz said...

I don't even know what to say except that it's probably time to get out.

Mary said...

Chani, I am glad you are not physically hurt. Being the peaceful soul that you are, this kind of threatening atmosphere must really make you uncomfortable and queasy.

I hope you find a more suitable place to live, one without immature men fighting like first graders on the playground.

Laurie said...

You could have been hurt. I know you are a very loyal person, but living in this environment cannot be good for your spirit or soul. It's just my opinion, but I think you need to find a more calm, secure environment in which to live.