The Dangling Conversation....

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Looks like I went off the beam again yesterday.

I apologize.

It appeared to me that I was being "punished" in a sense for my lack of commenting. When the site remained inactive for 16 hours, it just sent me over the edge.

I suppose some would say that on some level, I must feel so guilty for *not* commenting that I would assume I'd be punished. That would be fairly consistent with who I am.

And truthfully, I do feel bad about it but I'm stuck with the condition for now. I wasn't exaggerating about the page load. This is like typing through tar.

At any rate, I apologize for my (as usual) going off half-cocked without checking my facts. I read all of your comments and I listened.

The truth is that it is very hard for me to accept that I will have to leave here one day, this place where I am surrounded by so much acceptance and love and come back there where my life is, frankly speaking, less than satisfying.

I can try from now until the day I die ~ and I will never fit in over there. I will never be surrounded by the kind of community I have here.

It's hard to say why I found it here and I have my opinions. Simply put I think it's that people are important here. They need each other. People are more important than time, busy-ness and making money. Because of that, they are less likely to put someone out of the herd because they're a bit different. The expectations aren't so high and the price for acceptance isn't quite as high. They don't demand as much. That isn't to say they don't have standards we're all expected to meet ~ but the standards are very different. If you are a kind and considerate person, you'll likely be accepted without question.

This is really too big a subject for me to address right now but I will after my thoughts are more congealed. All I know is that the idea of coming back there is breaking me apart. It's like being asked to go back to prison after a few weeks of freedom.

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